4 DC's and DH working away all week, every week!

(9 Posts)
wouldthiswork Fri 20-Sep-13 21:27:39

I'm just wondering if anyone's ever done this and whether/ how it worked!

DH was made redundant about 3 months ago and he's been looking for work ever since. The industry he works in isn't hiring much at all at the moment and good jobs are few and far between. He's been offered pretty much his dream job, it's better paid than the last and perfect in many ways. The problem is he'll have to stay away from home during the week.

We have 4 DC's aged between 16 and 3. The oldest 2 are my DSC's although I've been their full time SM for nearly 10 years now. The oldest has some MH problems, which mean that she needs a bit more time and attention than most 16 year olds, the 14 yo is having some issues at school which mean that he needs extra help with homework and general organisation and my younger 2 also have (different!) food allergies, which means that we have to do a lot of cooking from scratch. I also work full time.

The older ones are generally pretty helpful and incredibly good with the little ones but the thought of dealing with everything on my own is pretty overwhelming! I also worry about how the DC's will cope without their dad there every day, especially DSC's who have already been abandoned by their BM. DH obviously wants the job and although he got enough redundancy pay for us to cope for a bit longer it seems unlikely that he'll be able to find another job as good as this. WWYD?

Sidge Fri 20-Sep-13 21:34:59

I think he should go for it.

Even if it doesn't work out, I think it's easier to find a job when you're in a job.

It will be hard work but you'll manage and the kids will adapt. And they'll have him home every weekend.

coffeewineandchocolate Fri 20-Sep-13 21:35:47

How about calling a family meeting to talk about it?

coffeewineandchocolate Fri 20-Sep-13 21:38:00

Sorry posted too soon. By calling a meeting you can gauge the dc and dsc reactions and explain the changes to life if he takes it. They can then voice their views and worries.

wouldthiswork Fri 20-Sep-13 21:42:06

We've spoken to the older DC's about it and they've said that they would be ok with it but I'm not sure how happy they'd be about it in reality. We've agreed that we'll Skype every day.

BackforGood Fri 20-Sep-13 21:42:20

I quite like the idea of involving the older children in talking about it.
It's a tough call.
If he had a job, then I'd be discouraging him, myself, as I think it will be very hard going for you (yes, I know other people do it, but this is a choice). But then I guess it must be really hard to not have a job at all.
I'd be inclined to say that you'd give it a trial for 6 months, and see how you all feel about it then (obviously, just accept the job as far as the company goes). You have options to carry on with him living away, or to all move with him, or for him to resign and have nothing, or for him to keep looking for someone else, but at least he'll have tried it and together you'll know if it is worth it or not.

lisylisylou Fri 20-Sep-13 22:00:29

My dh works away a hell of a lot and is currently away at the moment! I have only 2 dc's (9&8). I can promise you that you do very quickly settle into a routine - you have to for sanity! It's not easy at times an sometimes things can feel overwhelming. If you have a ds then he may find it harder than dds because they do look upto their dad more. My ds sometimes cries for him! However, you still have good times, you become more independent because you have to, the children respect you more as they watch you bring them up and you close ranks. My relationship with dh has become better as you grab as much time with your dh as possible. Get face time on iPhones or Skype. I would suggest trying to surround your ds with male role figures through out of school clubs. It does get lonely but I know my dh is working away for us to bring the money in and providing for us and that helps a hell of a lot. There are pros and cons to everything but it does work for us. The hardest thing is when dh comes home and reasserts himself and says the bin hasn't been emptied!!! The goodbyes are the worst bits and I clean like billy o but then you have the bed to yourself lol. I promise you it's not as scary as it seems the most important thing is to be honest at all times with each other. If I can help just pm me x

wouldthiswork Fri 20-Sep-13 22:00:53

That's a good idea backforgood I think I could deal with the concept much better if I knew we could back out. Moving the whole family isn't an option at the moment.

TBH I'm feeling (I know unreasonably) a bit resentful of him at the moment. I know it'll be difficult for him being away from the kids all week but I'll be working a similar amount of hours as him and having to deal with everything at home too.

wouldthiswork Fri 20-Sep-13 22:05:39

x posts lisy

Thank you so much, I cried reading that. I have a ds and a dss and yes, I think they will find it more difficult than the girls. He sometimes cries when DH leaves for the day. Skype is great, and we've agreed that we'll get a cleaner.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now