Pregnant at 40 and don't think I can raise child. What to do?

(55 Posts)
pbandjam Sun 26-May-13 20:04:00

Would really appreciate opinion on my current situation. I am separated and live alone with my 7 year old DD. I have a good FT job but between working and looking after DD, it's a lot. I live in a new town without much in the way of friends which I moved to for said job. Family live 'across the pond' so don't have family support here in the UK.

Ex-P and I got back together briefly and I got pregnant. Wasn't expecting it at all at my age and felt euphoric for a moment after previous years and years throughout my 20s and 30s of miscarriages.

However at about 10 weeks once the euphoria wore off I realized how crazy the whole situation was - being pregnant by myself in a new place, with the pressure of already raising a young child. I thought, perhaps, a termination might be best and booked two appointments but each time I arrived I couldn't go through with it. I'm now 16 weeks and, to be honest, I just feel it's too late in the day to go down this route.

I do not want to get back together with Ex-partner but honestly don't feel I can cope with baby alone without any kind of support network. Lately I've been thinking seriously about adoption which makes me feel crazy and like a character out of '16 and Pregnant' and not a professional rationale 40 year old woman.

I appreciate some of this is hormones, but I honestly don't believe I can raise two children very much solo. I would appreciate some thoughts about what I should do.

Please no flaming in relation to reference to termination and please don't bark at me for being a 'bad mum' etc.

pbandjam Tue 28-May-13 15:31:52

Mortified the pizza and chips statement was a bit of a throwaway comment but one that was meant to represent his more casual/cavalier approach to parenting, nutrition etc, the whole she-bang.

No one can guarantee adoptive parents might be better but I'm pretty confident that with ExP there would be hours of plopping baby in front of the telly and the like...

flatmum Tue 28-May-13 15:55:12

would that be so bad say 1 day a week?

pbandjam Tue 28-May-13 15:58:21

not a bad thing one day/week but just worried about a lifetime of everyday parenting... Maybe i'm just projecting...

mymatemax Tue 28-May-13 16:06:10

Even if you & dp are not together he will have to support you financially and may be able to share some of the responsibility.
Burgers & TV may be OK for one or two days a week ;)

Its not what you have planned but it will be OK, you will find a way to make your family work with a little extra person in it.

MummaBubba123 Wed 29-May-13 20:46:26

I think that the option of putting your baby up for adoption might be the hardest one of all. You'd wonder where, who and how he/she was fir the rest of your life, wouldn't you?
Termination would also leave you feeling guilty, doubtful, etc.
Truth is, you've nobody to answer to. There is no easy option. Choose whatever is best for you and your son. It'll be okay whichever way you go.

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