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Weddings

Due date and cousin's wedding

15 replies

stargirl1701 · 26/06/2014 15:48

DH and I have an all day invite to my cousin's wedding. It is 21 days after DC2's birth. The venue is approx an hour from home. What to do?

At 3 weeks post birth with DD I was in hospital with blood poisoning from infective mastitis. This is (hopefully!) unlikely to happen again but it makes aware that things can happen we can't plan for. DD arrived 40+2 so (hopefully!) DC2 will arrive around the due date. But, I could go another 2 weeks after the date leaving just 7 days between birth and wedding. DD was a vaginal birth but I could need a section this time. Too many known unknowns

What do we do? Decline the invitation with regret? Talk to the bride about when she NEEDS to know? Just go to the church? Plan to go all day but leave before the evening reception?

Help?!

OP posts:

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gymboywalton · 26/06/2014 15:50

decline the invitation

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MediumOrchid · 26/06/2014 15:54

My friend took her 9 day old baby to a wedding and reception. I thought she was crazy but it seemed to work for them! They left not long after the evening meal. Luckily the bride was pretty relaxed and was happy for them to confirm only a few days before.

I think it depends how much you want to be at the wedding. If you're not that close and it all seems like too much stress decline it - it's a pretty good reason!

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sleepyhead · 26/06/2014 15:54

Are you friends with your cousin? I think it depends on the relationship. If you're good pals then I'd give her a ring and talk it through. A compromise might be you coming to the ceremony (if up to it and you want to) and staying for a drink to wish the bride and groom well, then going on somewhere as a family so that they don't have to include you in the catering numbers when you're not definite to be a show on the day.

If you're not especially close then I'd just decline.

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tryingtocatchthewind · 26/06/2014 16:01

Have a chat to your cousin. I know my venue was flexible and allowed two of my guests to confirm just the day before as illness meant they wouldn't know till then. It's only a couple of people, you'd like to think venues could be a bit accommodating given the amount of money you spend.

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stargirl1701 · 26/06/2014 16:06

We are fairly close. I have 40 odd cousins on that side of the family but only 5 of us are girls so we banded together as children in amongst all those boys!

I will definitely phone her but I'm just at sixes and sevens in my own head about what to do.

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ARightOldPickle · 26/06/2014 16:18

At my DDs wedding there was an 11 day old, and there was a possibility of another new born but complications, a crash CS and extended hospital stay meant they were unable to come in the end. It was really important to my DD that her friends were there so they were counted in the numbers which had to be confirmed before we knew whether they could come.

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sleepyhead · 26/06/2014 16:44

Do you want to go? Because it would be perfectly fine for you to decline in these circs - noone would bat an eyelid, so don't feel you have to say you'll try to come.

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ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 26/06/2014 16:53

I would tell her you want to go, but might have to drop out at the last minute for various reasons. If that is a problem for her because of numbers/seating (of course, it's totally understandable if it is) I would decline the invite to the reception and just go to the service if you feel up to it. I'm sure she'll understand.

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AcrossthePond55 · 26/06/2014 16:57

Talk to her. RSVP is all about headcount and paying for a certain number of guests. Tell her you'd love to be there all day but are just unsure at this point if that's even possible. She may not care about paying for a couple of extra guests that may not be able to show. If she's on a tight budget, she may suggest you just try to come to the church if you can.

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SantanaLopez · 26/06/2014 17:01

I think you should decline so she can offer someone else your space at the meal, but promise to try and come to the service to see her.

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TravelinColour · 26/06/2014 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eltsihT · 26/06/2014 17:06

With ds2 I would have gone to a wedding, infact we were invited to a wedding 1 week after ds2 due date, we accepted but said we might cancel very last minute.

I didn't go though as I was still pregnant, dh did and had a fab day even without alcohol!

I would chat to the bride and see if they are happy to let you see how it goes.

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magpiegin · 26/06/2014 17:08

I agree, chat to the bride. I am invited to a wedding a week before my due date. I called her and said we will do our best to come and she understands we may need to drop out.

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PrincessOfChina · 26/06/2014 17:08

We had something similar around my due date. We agreed to go to the ceremony and the evening reception but asked them not to cater for us as part of the meal just in case.

And the just in case scenario played out as I ended up with an EMCS the day before the wedding.

Is that an option?

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stargirl1701 · 26/06/2014 17:50

I think we will aim for attending the church ceremony and then head back home. I may find the 2 hours in the car a struggle too. This way, if we don't go, it's not an issue re catering.

I would love to go. It would be so lovely to share the day. They are such a fab couple.