Wedding gift AIBU

[SaltResistantSlug]

Can't post this in AIBU as DP reads it!

Basically, my parents have given us some money which has covered the cost of our wedding later this year. It's a very small one - both sets of parents, plus our two children - no other guests. Quick ceremony, followed by meal at a hotel.

I want to give my parents a thank-you gift each during the meal. I was thinking a bottle of perfume for my mum and cufflinks (or any suggestions welcome!) for my dad.

WIBU just to give MIL a bunch of flowers and FIL a bottle of wine? I don't want to leave them out of the present giving, but I don't want to undermine my parents' generosity by giving them exactly the same thing when they've paid for it all, including everyone's overnight accommodation.

It looks a bit petty/stingy reading it back...

[HRHBarbaraWoodlouse]

I really think you should give equal gifts. Surely it should be based on more than just who paid for "the day".

I love your name though

[PuffPants]

That would be very crass and unkind. You are not repaying them a percentage of their contribution, you are giving them a token of appreciation. The token must be the same. A large bouquet for each mother is fine, gifts not expected for fathers. Without knowing your family dynamics, it does sound petty to even be thinking this way.

If you give your gifts privately, then do as you please, but publicly, during the meal, it must be the same. People will notice.

[PuffPants]

Oh, I see it's not a big traditional wedding - ignore my advice about bouquets then, any gift would be fine I'm sure - but it needs to he the same.

Enjoy your day

[neolara]

I think if you want to give a gift to thank your parents for the money you should do it in private. If you want to give a gift as part of the wedding celebration as a kind of "thank you for bringing me/my fiance up and being great parents" then you need to give the same thing to both parents.

[Walkingonhotcoals]

I am getting married later this year, and my parents have given me and dp alot of money towards the wedding, DP's parents are divorced and neither set have given us any money towards the wedding. dp also has a difficult relationship with them So we are getting my parents a smaller wedding album to day thank you as a surprise. We are getting his parents nothing. This won't be given on the date of the wedding obviously so maybe you could do something like this, not an album but maybe a nice print of the day.

I would give your inlaws something in your position

[ash6605]

No I think you're perfectly right to want to acknowledge your parents contribution to the day and think its only fair to give them something a little more personal than your in laws

[BackforGood]

Agree with everyone else - if you want to make a "thing" of publically thanking parents for bringing you up, etc., at the 'do' - though that is by no means compulsory, especially as you are having a small do - then you have to give an equal (and can be 'token' ) present to each set. If you want to make a bigger thing for your parents, then that has to be done privately, not in front of in laws. However, if they have given you money so you don't have to pay out for the wedding, would they really be pleased if you then spend money back on them ??

[SaltResistantSlug]

Thanks for all your input - I think I'll take the "equal gift at the meal" route and perhaps give my parents something privately. I do want to acknowledge their kindness but I don't want to upset inlaws.