How to say "actually I don't want to pay for suit hire"?

[BusinessTrills]

DP has been asked to be best man for his brother. Which is nice.

He has also been asked to pay for the cost of hiring a suit to wear to the wedding. Which is not so nice.

He already has more than one suit that would be perfectly suitable to wear to a wedding. Brother wants him to wear tails, and to pay for the privilege.

Dear Mumsnet Jury, please answer two questions.

1- Am I right in thinking that it is quite poor etiquette to expect members of the wedding party to pay to wear clothes that they have had no hand in choosing?

2- Should DP stay quiet or should he say something?

[WillieWaggledagger]

1. agreed they should pay
   

1. how much does it cost and who has asked him to pay? who is paying for the wedding? tbh i would probably say nothing depending on the cost and ability to pay (i'm a walkover), but i think definitely within his rights to ask them to pay.
   

you can tell wedding season is approaching on here can't you

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

We did this at our wedding. The best man etc had to pay for their suit hire and pick them up, wear them and return them themselves. Then we fed and entertained them for hours and hours and filled them with wine.

Everyone who wore a morning suit at my wedding thought that was a fair deal, so YABU!

[Eggrules]

I think the B&G should pay. DH has been required to hire a suit 5 times and has paid himself 5 times.

DS and DH have been asked to be part of a wedding party for SILs up coming wedding. We have been told where to hire suits from and I assume we have the honor of paying.


I think some people think that you would have an outfit expense anyway. If I would have had bridesmaids or ushers, I would have paid for their outfits.

[FruitSaladIsNotPudding]

Definitely rude of them to make him pay.

[nocake]

I paid for my best man's suit hire the first time I got married. As I was dictating what he wore it was only right that I paid for it.


The second time I didn't bother with a best man

[BusinessTrills]

Willie - we have other things we'd rather do with the money, but we can afford it in the sense that we wouldn't be going without food or electricity in order to pay it.

SillyBeardy - presumably you also fed and entertained other guests, who did not have to pay to wear an outfit of your choosing. So the non-special guests got a better "deal".

Seventh - if I were going to a "hat" wedding I would expect to provide my own hat. But I would expect to be allowed to wear a hat I already had, or borrow one, or if I were paying money for one to get to choose it myself. If I were told "you must wear this specific hat" then I would not expect to have to pay for it. I don't understand why it is different from a bridesmaid's dress at all.

Everything - I was expecting it to be more as you describe - wear a suit that you already have, and get a tie/cravat/handkerchief/whatever in the correct colour.

Eggrules - there would have been zero outfit expense for DP if he were not best man. Suit, shoes, shirt, tie, all of these he has already. Ditto for me (not that it's relevant really) because I have a dress that I have worn to another wedding with different people.

Does that answer all the questions? Maybe I should have done a poll :)

[diedandgonetodevon]

I think if tails are required and he doesn't have them, then he should pay to hire them or decline the position.

[AThingInYourLife]

1. They should pay
   

1. Yes, he should say something. How about the thread title?

[Sarcalogos]

I agree B+G should pay, we paid for suits for ours (inc. my dad, his dad and brothers).

Ironically my dad paid for (most) of the rest, but paying for his suit seemed like an appropriate gesture.

(obviously we were also very grateful and bought them a proper thank you present as well- I'm not an entitled bitch...honest).

[blackteaplease]

Suit hire is supposed to come out of the wedding budget so you are right in assumption no 1, however, it is becoming increasingly common for wedding parties to ask bridesmaids and best men etc to pay.

We couldn't afford suits so did the wear your own and we'll buy you a tie scenario. DH's brothers were best man and usher and took it upon themselves to buy new matching suits which was lovely but not necessary.

[cece]

The best man should not have to pay for the suit hire! How rude...

I think it depends on his relationship with his brother. But yes I think he should say something. Howver, not sure how you would go about it!

[Eggrules]

I agree that this is an additional expensive and one that should be met by the B&G.

In my case this is DH's problem.

[cornsyilk]

Bet they ask for cash gifts as well!

[trixymalixy]

The B&G should be paying for suit hire for the wedding party out of their budget if they want them to wear something specific. I'm flabbergasted that anyone would think otherwise!!

[Eggrules]

G&B should pay (I would); in my experience they don't.

[JustFab]

Groom should pay.

Dh had 3 men and a child in tails and we paid for one of them as the others insisted they pay for their own but they really did want too and we offered several times to pay.

[bruffin]

B &G should pay for everything.

[SarkyWench]

Dh had been best man 3 times. B&G always have paid for suit hire. And we paid for dh's best man's suit.

Very very rude IMO for them to ask him to pay.

[SauvignonBlanche]

1. B&G should pay
   
2. DH should say nothing IMHO.

[Bunbaker]

I think it is a massive imposition to dictate to the guests what they should wear especially if it means hiring expensive clothes. If the B & G wants tails then they should pay.

[AlistairSim]

I think if the B&G want a guest to wear something specific, they should pay for it.

[ZenNudist]

1. Yes G&B should pay
2. Its up to your DH if he wants to say something.

If you are really hard up and this wedding is going to mean your family making sacrifices, it's acceptable to set some limits on what percentage of your household budget goes into it. Usually the best man has to pay for some of the groom's share of the stag do. Plus there's the gift. I'm assuming the rest of your family have wedding outfits you can all wear. And assume travel costs will be minimal. So just talk to your dh, ask him what he wants to do and work out together what's reasonable for your family to pay. It might just be that what you contribute in suit costs you can't contribute in gifts or stag do costs. Fair enough.