Competitive Weaning (pointless rant alert)

[twocatsonthebed]

So here I am, dd is five months old and I have no intention of feeding her anything other than milk until 6 months, partly because I have eczema, and partly just because.

But in the group of local mothers I know (from antenatal classes, NCT etc) there seems to be some strange competition going on as to whose baby 'needs' food the earliest. They are heavy, they have stopped sleeping (the idea of a growth spurt, or that babies don't always sleep through, don't seem to have arrived here yet). My particular low point occurred when one other mother rang me up at 9am to tell me at for ten long rambling minutes about how her 17 week old was more than ready for food, on account of showing signs like chewing his fist and watching her eat. And here I was thinking that these were just signs of being a baby.

Gah, what on earth do I do in the face of all this nonsense? I can't say anything, because they already think I am a bit strange because I use cloth nappies and don't think the health visitors word is law. But I'm getting really bored of the implication that their babies are better or more advanced. And as for mentioning BLW, which we intend to do...

But really, I am finding the worst thing about being a mother is the constant need to squash down my opinions and not say anything at all about anything controversial. Or even uncontroversial like weaning. Either that or not have what passes for a social life. Although that's starting to seem like an attractive option. Any advice? Sympathy? Or would you like to move to the south west and be my friend instead?

[BarefootDancer]

Two suggestions:

1. Change the subject to something more interesting than what goes in and out of the babies.
2. Set up a weaning assault course. Arrange lots of tasty finger foods in front of each baby and see who can try them all first. Have a sweepstake on the winner. With real money.

Seriously, it really really doesn't matter. Just do what you want with your own baby and let them get on with theirs. They will all be fine. Do what you enjoy and don't get stressed. There is a place for competition, and a place for anjoying and celebrating your babies.
I know which I would prefer.

[Enid]

great post barefoot dancer

honestly you grow out of all this by the time you have another baby

just enjoy your baba

[twocatsonthebed]

hehe barefoot dancer. I like that idea. Will post photos when I get it organised... As for your first suggestion, would gladly swap my left arm for an interesting conversation some days, but then I might say odd things like 'I boycott Tesco' and it would all go a bit strange.

[nickytwotimes]

i know other mum's can be a bit competitive, which is a shame cos we need each other's support!
all bbies are different and it is normal for them to do things at different times. i probably don't share the same opinions as you on all things baby, but even my best pals have very different approaches to child rearing. what we do have in common is that we try to do our best and when we don't get it right (a lot!!) we commiserate and don't start saying i told you so. i try to ignore mums who are judgemental - hard!
don't worry - the other mums need to chill.

[Enid]

well boycotting tesco, using cloth nappise and weaning 'late' are all quite new-ish

you are doing these things because you believe in them

they don't bother - yes they may think you are odd but only momentarily.

Remember, just because you are confident in what you are doing, other mums may not be - it is NICE that the other mum felt comfortable enough with you to ring you at 9am!

[BarefootDancer]

Nothing wrong with strange! Just make them think about something other than baby food.

[KathyMCMLXXII]

2Cats, I wonder if secretly they are actually rather lacking in confidence about what to do with their babies and are taking it out on you? The mother that phoned you up and started going on and on about her baby being ready sounds a bit defensive to me.
The thing is, the advice now is 6 months but if you have a childcare book from a few years ago it will still say 4 or 4-6 months and give lots of convincing-sounding reasons, so you can understand people still feeling a bit confused.

My ds is 5 months like your dd and I also have no intention of weaning till 6 months but it's partly because I have seen to much really great advice from people on MN that makes me feel confident in that decision - if I hadn't had that I might be a bit unsure about what to do and hence aggressively defending whatever I had chosen.

Anyway don't worry, because it will all have blown over in a couple of months once everyone's kids are over 6 months and on solids!

[AitchTwoOh]

good point, enid. it's just as likely to be insecurity as anything else, perhaps she sees yo uas someone whose opinion she values?

i've got to say that i was quite excited about doing blw when i found out about it, but my friends who were starting earlier with purees with their babies were just as excited about their stuff.

it was easy enough for them to talk about their stuff and me talk about mine, it never occurred to any of us that what we had to say wasn't interesting, tbh, because we'd all just had babies and were totally 'into' them.

i'm a geek, though, so the BLW thing was appealing to my geekiness, so perhaps that's why no-one questioned it. just assumed it was weirdy aitch doing somethig peculiar again.

[twocatsonthebed]

yes, I don't think I'd have half as strong opinions about things if it hadn't have been for Mumsnet!

And yes, I probably will just carry on biting my tongue and going my own sweet way (because I do really want to avoid being judgemental at all, and even just saying that I'm holding on until 6 months can seem like a criticism) and just coming on here to let off steam every so often. Tescos! Cloth! BLW! Etc.

[mears]

I would not squash down you opinions if I were you. I would counteract their arguments by educating them TBH. Stick to your guns.

[IcingOnTheCake]

good post twocatsonthebed. There does seem to be a competition going on. It's weird because when i come on here most people argue that you should not wean until 6 months but when i go to baby groups or hear of other mums in general, they are feeding solids at 4-5 months. I think most babies will get to 6 months without weaning but there seems to be a big rush nowadays to shove food down baby as early as possible.

[Enid]

'educating them'

jesus mears

let them get on with it unless they are being abusive opr getting upset or being utterly stupid

[ProfYaffle]

Oh how I remember all this from dd1!

I was once told that the first year at Uni involves making lots of new friends and the second year involves shaking off all the numpties you met in the first year.

I found the first year of parenthood very similar.

[AitchTwoOh]

agree with mears, you shouldn't have to bite your tongue. (plus, no-one's really listening to you anyway for at least the first year... )

[Enid]

also you have a tiny baby

dont get bogged down by having to educate otehrs

just enjoy her!

[fortyplus]

Just wait till you get to the competitive...

...walking...
...talking...
...potty training...
...writing...
...reading...
...SATs results...

etc etc until you get to who has the best grandchildren!

[twocatsonthebed]

Prof Yaffle - couldn't agree more! Because the other thing I remember about the first term or more was not being able to say a single thing about anyone else, in case the person you were talking to said, oh, but I really like them. All these mother and baby groups feel just like that same excruciating ordeal by socialisation.

Mears, would love to educate them, but they ain't going to listen to me, just get pissed off. They are all very amused about my cloth nappy habit, but think that I am somehow differently constituted to them to be able to do it.

[AitchTwoOh]

but she should be able to talk about the things that interest her, enid? having a tiny baby doesn't mean your brain switches off altogehter. if you want to talk about how much you loathe tesco that's fine, you shouldn't have to stifle yourself to fit in. (or if you so, you might have to get some new pals).

[AitchTwoOh]

to be fair, twocats, i think i'm differently constituted to cloth nappy users...

[Enid]

of course she shouldnt

but if none of them are interstetd you have to accept that

[Enid]

i did cloth with dd2

got used to people laughing about it

tbh I could see their point of view

but was confident enough not to care

(am iconoclast [proud])

[AitchTwoOh]

i bet she'll not know a single one of them in a year other than to bump into on the street and compare notes as to who has the Most Words...

[AitchTwoOh]

am jealous. [lazy]

[ProfYaffle]

Too right Aitch, dd1 is 3 now and the last time I saw one of my original antenatal group 'friends' she got all competative on my ass about dd dressing herself. I just went 'mmm' in a vague sort of way and changed the subject.