BLW - serious crisis of confidence. Please help!!

[SpawnChorus]

Ok - a bit of background. I have a DD (2.3) and a DS (8 mo). DD was a nightmare to feed. HV advised starting solids at 5.5 months, due to slowing weight gain . Introducing solids made bugger all difference. In fact, if anything it seemed to worsen the 'problem'. By the time she was a year old, I was seriously stressed out by her lack of eating. Eventually found a nice HV who told me just to chill out about it. Eventually she started eating reasonably well.

So, I have been determined not to go down the nightmare puree-refusing route with DS in the hope that a more relaxed approach might encourage him to be a better eater than his sister. We've been BLWing for the last couple of months, apart from the first week or so of weaning (before I'd heard of BLW). I have on two or three occasions offered him stuff on a spoon, but he has batted the spoon away and made damn sure not to let it anywhere near his mouth.

He is very happy trying to feed himself all manner of food, but I can clearly see at the end of a meal that the vast majority has been crumbled and squished around his highchair.

Today I took him to be weighed and he's gradually drifted from 98th centile at birth to just over 50th centile. HV gave me the following advice:

Cut his milk feeds down to no more than 3 a day (DS is currently feeding on demand approx 5-6 feeds a day...some of them are small feeds)

Cajole him to eat off a spoon.

Try having two bowls of food on the go - one of something sweet like custard and the other of something savoury - and occasionally pop a spoonful of savoury food in his mouth when he's not expecting it (I am to admit that this is the sort of thing I tried with DD. I feel guilty about it and I do not want to start doing it again).

So, what should I do???!!!

Is his 'slow' weight gain a problem?

If you were me would you try to up the anti with the spoon feeding?

Should I cut down on the milk feeds (tbh, his feeds are quite short, and I really don't think he's getting much more than a pint a day...difficult to tell of course).

[Tatties]

Ok, I'm not an expert on weight, but I think if it is a concern at all (not sure that it is, in your case) then you want to be keeping up the milk, not cutting it down. I wouldn't do any of the things HV has suggested. If he's not happy with you spoon feeding him I think it would only create more anxiety for both of you. You want to keep mealtimes relaxed, so if he is happy feeding himself then that is great. As time goes on more will land in his mouth when he needs it.

[MrsBadger]

My immediate gut instinct is to ignore the HV and offer more milk, not less.
I don't think his centile drift s anything to worry about, but even if it were, BM is more calorific than just about anything you could give him on a spoon (except perhaps Ben & Jerry's).
Solids are neither here nor there at the moment - they're not a primary source of nutrition for him yet, and I can quite see you don't want to start cajoling him.

[SpawnChorus]

Thank you both Mrs Badger - lol at Ben and Jerry's!

[VandT]

Hi, my DS is 8 months as well, and we have been BLW since a bout of gastric flu led him to refuse the spoon. DS has dropped from 75th to 25th but I am not letting it worry me, and my health visitor isn't particularly worried either. I have gone through periods of panic that he doesn't eat much at all, but have had good advice from the HV which you might find useful?

• eat meals as a family where possible - we notice DS taking bites everytime we do!
• treat meals and milk feeds as separate events
• offer a couple of other snacks through the day so that you don't get too stressed if your LO doesn't eat much at a meal

we try to give food before DS will be too hungry, but a couple of hours after last milk so that he has a bit of an appetite.
Again, i'm not an expert but agree with most of what is posted on mumsnet that milk is most important until they are 1, and is certainly important to keep weight up....

[HoratioMcCain]

Your HV sounds like a loon

I'd stick with what you're doing, he needs the milk and he'll eat more solids when he's ready.

I'm suprised they didn't mention the magical weaning food endorsed be all crap HV ... Petits frickin Filous

[Lovage]

You have my HV! And my baby!

Have you checked his weight on the WHO breastfed baby charts rather than the standard issue bottle fed ones? When I did that I found my (then) 8 mo was not slipping centiles actually, but maintaining one (much lower than when he was born, but consistent since he was 4 months).

After encouragement here, I didn't drop feeds or give up on BLW. I just carried on offering solids and especially things he seemed to like (fresh pear and avocado mainly). Quite suddenly at about 8 1/2 m he seemed to get it and now (9m) he is eating real amounts - maybe 12 - 14 mouthfuls about 3 times a day. I now think he just wasn't ready for solids til then. He's quite a sensitive lad and I think it was all a bit overwhelming and he wanted to stick to what he knew. Now he's got used to it he's enjoying it (especially if I don't hover over him trying to persuade him to eat).

I certainly wouldn't cut down on the milk - HVs do talk bollocks sometimes...

[AitchTwoOh]

how's it going now? any better? glad that everyone agrees that your HV is talking bolleaux...
unfortunately i'm not much help when it comes to centiles, i had a terrible time with bfing etc and she was weighed so often when she was wee that i vowed to stop as soon as i could. anecdotally, i'd definitely say that there have been times when she has seemed to have less fat on her and other times she chubs right up.