A bit shocked.... AIBU

[PastaDee]

I went to a friend's for lunch today. I took my 13mo DD a cream cheese sandwich (as i wasn't sure what they were cooking) and when I saw my friend's 10mo eyeing it up I said 'she can have some if she likes' and was promptly told there is no way the little girl could eat it as she would choke. This led to a discussion about what she does eat and I was told that at 10mo this little girl has only ever had vegetable purées with formula milk mixed in. Apparently they mixed some fish in once and she didn't like it.

I was quite shocked by this. I did BLW with DD and I'm lucky she is a good eater for the most part. Within my group of friends those who did purées introduced finger foods fairly early and all their children were eating protein and dairy long before 10mo.

I know it's none of my business and it's her DD so her choice but it can't be right to just have veg purée at this age can it?

[VisualiseAHorse]

It's what some people do - but not even a soft sandwich is odd.

She'd be horrified by my 8 month LO having a chunk of roasted lamb to chew on during Christmas dinner!!

[lurcherlover]

One of my friends puréed everything for her babies until they turned one. I lent her the BLW book but even after reading it she didn't believe they wouldn't choke.

Now she wonders why they're fussy eaters...

[PastaDee]

I don't think she likes mess.... I'm not sure what she would have made of DD picking up the empty bowl of homemade chicken korma tonight and licking it out.... She was so stained she looked like she'd had a Fake Bake tan.

I've just never heard of this. I enjoyed BLW. I know it's not for everyone but I just always thought a few finger foods and some puréed casserole and yoghurts was normal even for the most traditional methods of weaning.

[Feelingood]

I did mixed feeding still am at nrly 11months.

She is storing up trouble, it can have knock on effects.

1. they need to learn to chew to eat a mixed diet properly
   
2. they need to learn to chew to develop facial muscles that help speech sounds
   
3. they need to learn to self feed, as will b expects to at nursery or school
   
   what a rod for her own back.
   I met a women whose 2.5 yr old would only eat fruit pouches, madness.
   My dd had chilli lastnight with chunks of steak and kidney beans whole
   Tonight she's had sausage n veg casserole sticks of mango.
   
   Some people are scared to parent, scar to upset pbfitissess.

[mrscog]

I did 'traditional' weaning but didn't start until 6 months and started DS on soft lumps & finger foods straight away as I assumed by waiting you could miss out the boring veg/fruit puree stage! DS so far seems to be a great eater - I'm just waiting for him to learn how to be wilful!

[yellowsubmarine53]

I was a hard core BLWer in the days when it wasn't as popular and tbh I soon learned that lots of people just don't want to know about it. A few friends kept their babies on purees for what seemed to me bloody ages, but they had genuine and deep rooted anxieties about choking.

Milk is the main food until they're one, although learning to chew is important for language development etc as well as for the reasons feelingood states. I'm sure that your friend will introduce finger foods when she is ready.

[ILoveSaladReallyIDo]

meh!
I did BLW and had a fab eater with a healthy broad diet when he was 13 months
friends did sweetened purees and pouches and I felt smug about how much better nurished and developed mine was

fast forward to terrible twos and mine is just as fussy as theirs and I'm pleased if he finishes a plate of chips! He's a skinny things and I top up with kiddy vitamins!

They all regress back to square one when they start the whole power struggle phase with you so you haven't got it "sorted" just because your 13 MO is eating well now, wait and see .. then judge!

[notengodinero]

I've lost count how many times I've had the discussion with other mums about the gag reflex, how babies really do have the ability to manage lumpy food and chew even without teeth. Even those who choose the puree route need to let go at some point.

This is one of the reasons I detest Annabel Karmel as much as I do, after hearing her on Woman's Hour a couple of years ago talking about how BLW and it's risk of causing choking. Stupid stupid woman

[ILoveSaladReallyIDo]

oh and mine was one of the last to talk, the puree ones were chatting away well before him..

I'm sure the friend's kids'll be fine, and not still eating purees when they're off to school

[PastaDee]

I know what you mean ilovesalad. I think I'm shocked at how judgy I feel as much as anything else.

I've never been that interested before. Loads of my friends purée but I just couldn't get my head around a 10mo never having tasted anything but vegetables and milk.

You're right of course, it can't go on forever.

[itsmineitsmine]

Her baby will be fine. Its nothing tobe shocked about.

Btw - my blw (blurgh! Such a smug term!) 2 year old is way fussier than her puree and finger fed sister

[itsmineitsmine]

You should be shocked at how judgy you feel.

[ILoveSaladReallyIDo]

"I think I'm shocked at how judgy I feel as much as anything else."

I understand , how you feed, put to sleep, discipline (or not), transport your child, and even how you cover thier bums, seem REALLY important in the early days, and you get drawn into the bollocks about how vital x,y or z is to their emotional and physical development.

By preschool they throw it all back in your face and you will not be able to pick out which ones were BLW or puree fed by watching them at the lunch table at preschool, or which were CCed or co-slept etc

[itsmineitsmine]

Snorting with laughter here at you feelinggood with your 11mo and knowing how others are storing up trouble for the future!

Mine would eat all sorts at 11mo, not so at 2!!

[nicefleece]

Thank the lord you don't feel the need to puree everything! Don't worry they'll relax too.....

[OscarPistoriusBitontheside]

Let me tell you here and now when they can exercise choice that's when all your judginess re:food disappears.

Both my ds' were great at eating as babies. As toddlers both were/are bloody nightmares. Ds2 would survive in mince pies if he had the choice right now. That's purely mince pies btw.

[DrRanj]

Not - well this is because annabel karmel has made a living out of selling recipes for dishes specially prepared baby meals and blenders - no money to be made in just giving them whatever you're eating!

Op - I did blw, but tbh don't really take much notice off how other people choose to feed their children.

[Feelingood]

itsmine my ds (6) did the same eats well n fine now.

I'm genuinely sorry but I just don't get the fussy eater thing. If they don't eat it they don't eat it, or get anything else or get a snack half hour later of fruit or whatever.

I cook one evening meal and do not cowe down to requests for jam sandwiches or whatever.

They both sleep 7 to 7 too, well dc's 8 to 7. But mine are fussy in other ways, especially little DD, she's a squealer.

[itsmineitsmine]

You should know better than smuggy 'my 11mo eats x, y and z whkle friends 2 yr old is fussy' posts then feelinggood.

[itsmineitsmine]

My fussy eater gets fed the same as the rest of us, btw. So no need for you to be 'genunely sorry' about anything, btw (what on earth did you mean by that???)

[harverina]

No, your not unreasonable, its just how some people do it. I had a real fear of my DD choking but was really keen to try some elements of BLW. We started at 6 months on a mix of finger food and mashed and allowed my DD to eat all food groups (except nuts and other food that she is allergic to). My DD is a great eater, but I know that this can change at any time. I suppose at 10months old its probably not that big a deal, but if your friend is still feeding her baby this in a few months time then it could be worrying!

[princessnumber2]

I don't get why people are so dismissive about choking. I know someone whose 10 month old died from choking on a small bit of chick pea in home made houmous. I have lots of friends who did blw and loved it but when people say it leads to less fussy eating etc I'm a bit . My 6 year old ate purées only for almost 18 months because of a medical condition and by 2 years had a totally normal and very healthy diet. There are so many factors involved in kids and eating. I'm not sure that just because your baby eats steak when it's 9 months, that it'll have a better diet at 5 or 10. Or equally if you spoon feed porridge that you'll rear a tubster.

I'm basically a bit meh and get more and more meh as my kids get older.

[Feelingood]

itsmine I was agreeing with op, re kids that age should be moved onto stage 2/3 foods if not following BLW, sorry it offends you that I used my own child as a point of reference.

I'll be as bloody smug as like thank you, feed my children v well, YOU seem to have a few ishoos though.

It means just that I don't be the fussy eater thing as I havnt experienced it with either of my children so far. Like I said they are fussy in other ways.

Jeez, you can put you weaning spoon down.....

[harverina]

I think that people are dismissive about choking as it is probably quite rare for a baby to choke? I was terrified of it and hearing my DD gag made me panic, even though i was assured so many times that it was normal!

Not sure why children who have been weaned using blw will be less fussy, but think that the idea is that they will regulate their own diet by eating what they want in front of them until they are full instead of their parents shovelling in all the puree until its finished.

[Pancakeflipper]

My DS2 now 4, used to choke all the time. He also ate veg puree mush most of the time. You'd have had a whale of a time judging us at our dining table and wearing vomit splattered clothing if you'd have handed that cream cracker at him...

Actually we avoid people at eating times as it was such an off putting sight.

Turns out to be a reflux issue ( he still voms if he drinks or eats too quickly) and he has a food intolerance that we didn't suss out until he was nearly 2.