Should we persevere with DD's pony?

[marialuisa]

Hello, would be interested in getting some perspective on an ongoing dilemma......

DD is just 10 and 6 months ago we bought her first pony-a Welsh Section B. We dutifully enlisted the advice of her then instructor who is a keen "showing" type, I had ponies all through my childhood but they were more the pony club "do a bit of anything" kind. The pony we bought is young (rising 6) and if I'm honest a million miles from what I imagined for DD. Instructor insisted we'd be mad not to buy, DD fell in love, I caved. interestingly the original owners clearly had reservations about whether he was right for DD.

So, 6 months down the line, pony has the most beautiful temperament on the ground and he and DD have an amazing bond. But he is young and silly, although not malicious, DD has had several nasty falls and (understandably) now lacks confidence when riding him. She makes huge progress, then something happens and we're back to square one. I've spent a fortune getting other people to school him and getting DD lessons on both him and other steadier ponies. My not very emotional daughter has cried buckets since we got him.

He is an obvious "show pony", even someone as ignorant as me can see that he's beautifully put together with amazing paces. He won at NPS, PUK, county level and so on with previous owners. He could be a fun pony in a few years but he's a baby and a long way from being there yet. In the mean time I feel he's totally wasted and poor old DD gets very little riding pleasure out of having him. For example she's scared to go to camp as she doesn't trust him not to have a mad turn and TBH neither do I. Since we've had him I've realised that people with this kind of pony are usually very horsey, have deep pockets and the kids have a second pony for the fun stuff. Much as I'd love to keep him and get the second pony DH will divorce me if I go down this route! Writing it all out the sensible solution seems to be to cut our losses and sell him on to a more appropriate home? Has anyone persevered with a child's pony who is adored but possibly not a perfect match?

[Absolutelyfabulous]

I do sympathise.

My rule of thumb is that my kids ride for fun, not hard work so I wouldn't buy one under 9 or 10, TBH. Just not worth the risk.

Yes, I'd sell him on and get an older, cobby type schoolmaster that she can enjoy.

[Butkin]

Know how you feel. DD (8) has a 12.1 Welsh Section B which she does FR on. He is at show livery and they ride him in for us (about 5 mins) at shows because he can be excited when he first gets there.

She also has a 11.1 Welsh Section B which was her LR and she doesn't want to part with him until he is completely outgrown. He isn't keen on jumping so she hacks him and takes him to Pony Club, polo, horseball, low level showing etc. She just has fun on him.

We've not really got a jumping pony for her at the moment so she's not keen to do camp this August. However as she'll be at BSPS, Equifest etc that isn't too much of a problem this year - although she knows she'd love it.

Is there any chance that you could overlap? Ie you could buy her that fun pony she wants and then quickly sell on the Sec B? That way she wouldn't be without a pony if you can't find the right one quickly. As young children can be put off very quickly I'd definitely suggest you get her something she can feel comfortable with without giving her the impression that she'll be pony less (which could means she holds onto the B just to be sure!).

What do you think she really wants to do with her pony? This may help you make your next choice.

[marialuisa]

She wants the current pony and a lot of the tears have been caused by me suggesting we sell current pony.....

DD is keen to jump (pony is WHP and very definitely not f/r material) which he is ideal for and muck around a bit (less ideal for). She would do WHP but I'm terrified by the amount of money/time serious showing involves. Could maybe stretch to the money but don't have the time and it seems such a terrible waste, IYSWIM? She knows she could have another pony if we sold this one but from looking at Horsequest/Horse Gossip not much seems to be selling and whilst we could swallow a loss DH would not be impressed if we had to shell out much more for the new one.

That said, we've just moved yards and new instructor immediately queried his bit (had been thinking he needed something stronger for a while) so have now put him in a wilkie which has made a huge difference. Back lady has also said his saddle needs looking at. Maybe these things plus an instructor DD likes and trusts will make a difference? New yard also gives the opportunity for her to "borrow" steadier pony for xc so maybe best of both worlds (and cheaper than buying pony 2!)

Going round in circles and maybe we just need more time....DD has ridden previous owners' HOYS cradle stakes pony who is fab but tricky and did well, they think she'll be fine if we can build her confidence. She's a nice little rider when she's not getting in a tizz (proud mama).

Sorry, long posts. DH has washed his hands of it all (not a horse person) and doesn't help by asking when DD is going to do "something interesting" when she's schooling!!

[Absolutelyfabulous]

Lol! DH washes his hands here too! Not horsey - it's my domain!

[Butkin]

Sounds like you just need to borrow something then - as you've arranged - until DD ready to do WHP. Doesn't have to be high level - you could just do shows in your locality (most run M&M WHP as it is such a popular class).

DW is going to be doing WHP with our young connemara this summer...

DD is already blubbing about us selling the Sec A (although she's allowed us to sell 2 of her other ponies without a bother) so know how you're feeling.

Kick your DH up the backside. Can't understand why other dad's aren't wrapped up in their daughters equine activities!

[marialuisa]

We took him to a riding club show and I got taken aside and told it wasn't fair to have "that sort of pony" there, completely missing the fact that DD was a bag of nerves!

DH is going to have to learn to like it as I can't tow with my licence!

Thanks both for your help, really did me good to write it all out. Need to reassure DD that there's no hurry and she can borrow spare pony for as long as. She's just called me at work to update me on his latest adorable moment. She's besotted.

[LisaD1]

Can you lunge him before DD gets on? Get rid of a bit of his energy? I bought DD1 who is now 11 a 15 year old ex JA pony 2 years ago, pony is a mother's dream on the ground but due to being bombed around by previous teenage owner she was very lively to ride. I lunged her for 15/20 minutes before DD got on and it made a massive difference, pony at first would do everything at 100mph but with a bit of perseverence she has now totally calmed down (I appreciate we have age on our side), my DD now rides independently and both are so much happier, my 3yr old also rides pony now. Whenever I have a bit of spare time I still lunge pony and also take her for walks in hand, just to keep a bond going/get rid of some fizz.

Do you think similar might help your pony?

[Pixel]

If you decide to persevere you might have to accept the fact that your dd will have to learn to ride the pony as he is rather than expecting him to calm down iyswim. We had a section B who was a live-wire well into his 30s and we never managed to tire him out except for the time he bolted across a very large ploughed field. That said, he was the sweetest pony to handle, bombproof in traffic, good jumper and gymkhana pony etc and eventually my sister learned to enjoy his antics as the good definitely outweighed the bad.

Of course, yours might be different and settle in a year or so. Would it be an option to loan him out to a showing family (could poss stay on same yard so dd wouldn't be upset) for a while and borrow a steadier replacement during that time? See if your dd 'grows into' him?

[marialuisa]

Don't think it's in his nature to calm down TBH. He's so alert and inquisitive-that's probably what gives him such character. I think we'll just have to build DD's confidence with him, she's completely capable of managing his antics and frustratingly since she's had him has ridden far more challenging ponies without batting an eyelid. We had a long chat last night and it's really hit home how much the previous instructor knocked DD's belief in her own ability.

We are going to have to do lunge work to build topline so will be interesting to se what (if any!) effect that has.

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

Hmmm, difficult. It depends entirely on your daughter. If she is truly adamant that she wants to keep the pony, then she will have to learn. Fwiw, my DD has been riding for 8 years, but due to the fact that we are Poor, she has had to ride what was available, not what was truly suitable. It's been a hard slog. She spent far to long on LR, as pony 1, was given to us but although a great LR was rubbish at FR. Pony 2 was better, but still had issues, ex riding school, cantankerous at times, and DD was very nervous. Combine this with DD quickly turning blue when out for long in the winter, and it's been very hard. After eight years riding, she has finally come into herself. She has persevere all winter, started secondary school, found oodles of confidence, progressed in her riding amazingly, finally loves her ponies and can manage them and anything else we put her on. The only good thing about being over horsed is learning the ability to cope with anything. If you think your DD has the ability to stay the distance, keep it. You say she has had some bad falls, but she still gets back on, I'd say that was a good sign. Obviously, she has to be safe, but she will be the better for it in the long run if the pony stays. If you have any doubts at all, get rid of it, you could always loan it out until she is bigger.
Find yourself someone to help her who you trust and respect and stick to them like glue. Your first instructor sounds like a twat.

[Butkin]

The person at your riding club show was an idiot and don't let her put you off. At our local show on Saturday DD's ponies stable companion was also there and she is a HOYS show pony and possibly one of the best ponies in the country.

However she was being ridden by her new 7yo jockey who had never ridden in a class off the lead before - hence the low key start. They all have to begin somewhere and nobody has the right to say that "it isn't fair".

[marialuisa]

Thanks all. I think we're going to persevere. DD is very capable and when on another pony deals well with the sort of silliness current pony dishes out, for some reason she shuts down/panics when her own pony does the same. The new instructor seems like a much better fit for DD so fingers crossed things will come round. Although DD is on the tall side she's very slight so no risk of her outgrowing pony before they've had a chance to have fun. She's had her first go at lungeing this am and is off to practice in the garden so the hens had better watch out!

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

I've been speaking to my friend, (instructor) she says, if you ask DD if the pony is the best she has ever ridden an she really wants to keep it, and she says yes, you then need to make the pony exclusively hers, nobody else ride it, (nothing knocks your confidence as much as seeing someone else ride it better). Get her a good instructor, and get her as many lessons as possible. Just get her miles in the saddle. It's all about just getting used to it, and Perseverence. It has taken a couple of years for DD to really gel with her pony, but she really wanted her and just kept on slogging.
Or, if she says no, overlap new and old so DD is secure in the knowledge that she WILL get another. She may just be insecure. If your DD is like mine she's probably tried more than one hobby and given up. She may be clinging to the pony because she thinks you may sell it and she won't get another.
Really, just speak to DD. She is the one who has to ride the pony, and face the future with it. If she wants to jump, a show pony isn't what she needs. Don't project what you want onto her, this is what the instructor did who made you buy her.

[marialuisa]

He's a jumping-type show pony though and she doesn't see herself as the next Jess Hewiitt so should jump enough. She wants him above all else but is slightly in awe of him, if tht makes sense? DD has only ever given up an activity when we've forced her (due to lack of time) so it's her parents' "stickability" that's the problem.

He can't be ridden at the mo but I've mentally resigned myself to signing over my salary to the yard for the next few months. Lessons on steady pony to boost her up and on her pony to help. I also need to avoid going "head to head" with DD when she's stressed out because I feel bad tht she's stressed.

Thanks all

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

I used to make my DD worse. When I was around, she would get very anxious and het up. Nowadays I leave her with my friend for teaching and hacking out. Without me she does much better.