I am disappointed with my son's report. Please take a look for me.

(23 Posts)
50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 16:45:52

My son is in year 4 aged 9. He is level 4a for reading, 4c for writing and 3a for maths. Last year was very unsettled for the class and he is catching up with maths to where he should be. I used to teach Upper Primary and my husband teaches secondary. I'm not sure if we are reading it right or our spidey senses are heightened or we are just being parents.
It's the Personal and Social comments that have made us both sad and worried.

Bill has had some friendship issues, sometimes finding it difficult to accept that others might not want to comply with his ideas or timings. He has had support from the ELSAs and may need this to continue through into year 5. He seems to be developing a positive friendship with two members of the class, which could be really good for Bill. He does seem content with his own company much of the time, but is looking for friends to develop bonds with.

Bill seems to have enjoyed our science work this year and he has been able to lead his group in making electrical circuits. He has also shown good general knowledge in our work on the human body, looking at bones, muscles and growth. He also really enjoyed his visit to @@@@, where he took part in the activities very keenly.

Bill is not keen to wear his glasses in class and can be asked many times a day to out them on. He finds this either amusing or annoying depending on his mood. He sometimes finds it difficult to accept that he needs to follow school or class rules and routines, not wanting to line up with his class and refusing to take his place in the line. Similarly, he struggles to accept that he needs to take responsibility for his pencil and other resources.

We wish him every success and hope that he enjoys Year Five.

I will answer any questions and so could probably end up drip feeding.

This is not a huge surprise to us due to knowing about the work with the Emotional Lit team but we have had very limited contact from the teachers or notes in the home/school diary etc or any concerns voiced at parents' evening.

lougle Fri 11-Jul-14 16:50:51

Do you have any developmental concerns about your DS?

NatashaBee Fri 11-Jul-14 16:51:45

I would be annoyed if the first I knew of any issues such as the glasses was the end of year report. It should have at least been raised at parents evening, surely.

NoonarAgain Fri 11-Jul-14 16:54:05

OP, as a teacher with 20 years experience, there is no way I would ever write a report like that. If your DS has these difficulties, they should be communicating this to you throughout the year. I have occasionally found myself needing to write sensitive things in a report, and have felt that I have done the parents a disservice in not keeping them abreast of things. In this rare situation, I would call the parents in to tell them verbally first what had been occurring. Then these issues can be alluded to in broad terms in the report without the report sounding like a volume of negativity.

Approach the school. I'm not surprised you are upset sad

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 16:55:09

What kind of developmental issues?

We knew the glasses were a problem, at the parents eve in October we said he is reluctant and we had a note in the diary a while ago.
At the recent parents evening they said he sometimes takes himself to the book corner if he is in a bad mood.

Delphiniumsblue Fri 11-Jul-14 16:55:22

I would start next year by trying to have closer liaison. Tell the new class teacher your concerns early on. Is he an only child? Does he see friends outside school and/or have activities outside school?

PamBagnallsGotACollage Fri 11-Jul-14 16:56:48

I'd be disappointed that the school hadn't mentioned any of these issues before. As a teacher, I would have mentioned such issues previously not left them until reports at the end of the year.

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 16:59:55

noonar, thank you.
It's difficult and is complicated in some ways which is why it's was easier to say ask me questions as I could write loads and some might not be relevant.
I had a meeting with the elsa in April? To see how he had been getting on which was good and she actually talked as if she liked him and understood him.
Initially we went to see the welfare officer lady because we had been having problems in the morning getting him to school. She helped loads and has been fine ever since.

Delphiniumsblue Fri 11-Jul-14 17:00:48

I think they should have been mentioned earlier which is why I would write it off and concentrate on the new class.

Delphiniumsblue Fri 11-Jul-14 17:02:30

Regardless of content I don't think it is a very well written report.

pigwitch Fri 11-Jul-14 17:03:21

I'm assuming he has always had behavioural issues and this isn't a new concern? I'm wondering why the school hasn't been liasing with you regularly regarding these issues.
Sometimes as a parent I feel I have to take the initiative and lead in any issues regarding my DC. Speaking to the teachers and making it my responsibility to get updates as often teachers have a million and one other things to do that sometimes things get left.

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 17:14:41

Last year he was in a class where the NQT was failing and left at Christmas. The class and 3 or 4 very challenging children in it with quite extreme behaviour. The rest including my son slid a bit.
As teachers, when he told us what was going on we read between the lines. We ended up going I because we were concerned that our normally well behaved son was hiding under tables and writing rude words and doing things we would see as really naughty. We couldn't understand why we weren't being told more. They said that in the grand scheme of things he wasn't a naughty boy. But this was surely compared to the others. In our eyes he should have been dealt with. He is a boundary loving child who likes to know where he is and that the adults are in control. This wasn't happening and he pushed until he was shown where to stop.
Things calmed down a lot this year with the teacher that he has had and the elsa support.
Mind blank.

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 17:22:39

He has the same teacher next year. We were ok about this as he seemed to have had a better year but reading this we wonder what he is like at school and have things really improved or they just see this as low level behaviour compared to other childnr em in class where as we think it is bad and it is isn't it?

pigwitch Fri 11-Jul-14 17:31:29

Have you considered changing schools? I wouldn't be happy with my DC's in a class with lots of distruptive and challenging children.

cansu Fri 11-Jul-14 17:31:32

I can see why you are upset as your son is having some difficulties. However, I think it is an honest report. I read so many vague, meaningless summaries that gloss over the issues that I really do question the value of the report. Personally I would be grateful that the school are putting in help but also that they are telling you the truth. It is only by facing up to the problems that you will get anywhere with him. I should say that I have two children with ASD and have read my fair share of depressing reports. There have been times when I have been peeved with them, but I usually end up recognising the truth behind the comments and appreciate that the teachers are telling it like it is. If your ds does need more intervention and help next year this report is your friend as it provides written evidence that he has some needs.

BeeInYourBonnet Fri 11-Jul-14 17:39:10

I agree with cansu .

I don't think teachers can win ( I'm not one BTW!). They either write a detailed report and are told that these are things that should be discussed in person instead, or they write meaningless, generic blah!

I think it sounds like the teacher is closely observing his behaviour. You seem to suggest that most things have been mentioned in the past.

If I were you I would arrange a meeting for either next week or beginning of Y5 to discuss a plan of action with the teacher.

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 17:45:58

The honesty is ok I think just thought if I had written it it would be for a child that I would have had things in place for and lots of contact with the family, my husband feels the same.
What do the children with the extreme behaviour have in theirs?
I think I am sad because it feels cold and that they don't actually like him.

Moving would be tricky, hard to not out myself further but school was infant junior and I work in support role in the infants. Our head took over there in September and for the better but change is slow.

Littlefish Fri 11-Jul-14 17:47:41

The reports I write aim to be a summary of the discussions I have already had with parents throughout the year. I try and make sure that nothing comes as an unpleasant surprise.

I agree with cansu that the report is to the point and talks about those areas your ds is receiving support with, and those areas where he is doing well.

I think that if you were not aware of some of these issues, you should make an appointment to go and see the class teacher before the end of term, and then arrange to see her 3 weeks into the new term to see how your ds has settled back into school in September.

Littlefish Fri 11-Jul-14 17:49:36

Sorry, cross posted with you.

It doesn't read to me as though he isn't liked. What makes you say that?

50FeetOfCrap Fri 11-Jul-14 18:19:47

It's just very different from his first three reports and his old teachers were surprised by the change last year and said it didn't sound like him.
I suppose I am worried he will be pigeon holed.
I think like I said previously that I may just be heightened and reading more into it than is there. I think I will go and see the teacher just to clarify a few things.
Thank you for your honesty and for your opinions it really has helped to focus me and ground me.

Delphiniumsblue Fri 11-Jul-14 19:18:53

If he has the same teacher next year I would definitely clarify things and set up a liaison system to work together.

HibiscusIsland Sun 13-Jul-14 09:45:43

I don't think she is trying to pigeon hole him or that she doesn't like him, I think she is just being very clear about three areas that he really needs to improve on and that you can liaise with her about next year. (Keeping his glasses on without constant reminders, lining up with the others when asked and

HibiscusIsland Sun 13-Jul-14 09:46:26

not losing things.

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