Am I nuts to be on the verge of getting a puppy....

[CalmerChameleon]

....when DS1 (7) is terrified of dogs? DD (8) is desperate for a puppy. I am a dog lover and grew up with a certain breed of dog which is the one I would get for our family too. DH is ready. DS 3 (4) is an animal lover.

DS1 has been petrified of dogs since he was about 18 months old and one jumped up on him and scratched him. Many of our family members have dogs so he comes across them often, but he's always terrified. I've chatted to him about us getting a dog because I wouldn't force it on him. I've shown him pictures of the breed and explained that we could train it and he could be involved in it's care. He has said that he would be OK with it if the dog was very small, at least to start with - hence the puppy.

I guess I hope that he'd fall in love with it and get over his fear. Nothing else seems to have helped and I have tried many things. To be clear, we are not getting this puppy to cure his fear, there is a dog shaped space in our family!

[fanoftheinvisibleman]

If you have a dog shaped hole in your life and a ds scared of dogs then I would strongly advise against a puppy and go for a calm adult dog.

Our dog is a small breed and as an adult has a lovely even temper. As a puppy he brought me to tears, ripped clothing and drew blood with puppy biting. He was not a 'bad' puppy (without exception all the pups at classes at 12 or 14 weeks were the same) and it was over by around 4 months. But in that time ds who was confident with dogs and desperate for a puppy used to cry every time he crossed a room.

I'd think carefully about a young pup as they tend to be land sharks until we have taught them not to bite.

[mrslaughan]

I have a giant, so huge and looks really scary ( he's soft as butter)

My nephew was petrified of dogs after two v scary experiences with dogs. My nephew now loves him. But he meet him at a year old, when he was over the bitey and he has never really jumped up. My nephew came to stay and I really think two things helped, my dog was relatively well behaved, by this stage, and he could "get away " from him. Our dog doesn't have the run of the house so interaction between the two was managed carefully, so as to allay his fears. I only had to do it for a day or two, when my nephew realised that he had nothing to fear. He is still scared of dogs he doesn't know, but think his interactions with them are better because of his experiences with mine.

I know that was a big long story, but I don't think he would have developed the relationship he has with my dog, if he had known him at the bitey, growly, jumpy up stage.

[PitchSlapped]

Our dog didnt stop jumping up and biting for a long time. I really wouldnt recommend a puppy with a fearful child

[WookieCookiee]

Puppies bite at everything, like a baby putting everything in its mouth but with added razor sharp teeth we were dressed in rags for months with ours.
Wouldn't recommend a puppy for fearful children sorry. They are like babies and need to be taught to play, taught not to mouth, walk at heel, be socialised etc. They are really hard work.

[todayisnottheday]

Agree with pp, puppies have razor teeth and no self control. It might not be the best starting point with his specific fear.

[Lally112]

I agree, get an older dog with basic training and social skills already, you have enough to compete with, with the children without training a puppy and I have 4 kids and 9 dogs (all of whom work) so I know how much time and effort is needed.

[TooOldForGlitter]

4 kids and 9 dogs!!

[CalmerChameleon]

Hmmmmm, all very valid points. I had thought that getting a small, 'helpless' puppy may help DS to get used to having a dog around without being frightened. I hadn't factored in the teeth. I accept that a puppy will chew possessions and I think I blanked out the chewing people bit.

I'm now thinking that if we do go that route I may time it so that the kids are at school rather than around all day during the holidays. Oh I don't know. Off to sleep on it, but I think time for a chat with DD.

Thanks for all the advice.

[fanoftheinvisibleman]

There is nothing helpless about little puppies...I nicknamed my 4 kg teeny puppy Napoleon! He is 2 tomorrow and the sweetest thing now but I will confess to sobbing in the garden and being utterly terrified of the snarling horror he briefly turned into at about 11 weeks.

[Lally112]

TooOldForGlitter 4 kids, 9 dogs, 46 sheep, 2 bulls, 24 cows, 2 pigs, 2 ponies and a horse. oh and ferrets and hens - bugger, keep forgetting them.

[soddinghormones]

Although I think that the advice you've had is very sound and sensible ... I was that child! Apparently I was terrified of dogs when I was a toddler and my mum got our first puppy to 'cure' me of my fear (I know, I know ...) ... It could have gone horribly wrong but it didn't - I was only 4 when we got her so although I can remember going to pick her up and the fact that we couldn't leave toys on the floor in case they got chewed I can't ever remember being scared of her. I think it was because she was so different to the snarling adult mongrels people used to let out to wander all day where we lived at the time

I absolutely adored her and she was the first of many animals we all loved

[Aked]

Well I did the opposite to all the advice! Dd was nearly 3 when we got the pup. She was scared of dogs after being jumped up at on two separate occasions when out walking. She would have a total panic if one came over, although she was used to both sets of grandparents having ancient old dogs and had no fear of them. (This may have helped!) But petrified of all other dogs unknown to her.

She has been fine with the dog, and in fact was the one I had to constantly tell off for keep laying on her, play fighting with her etc! She has been harder to train than the dog. I think the fact the pup was small helped enormously, (she is collie sized now). I wouldn't want a dog taller than me jumping all over me either! She now has no fear of any other dog when we are out.

I suppose she is younger, and the fear perhaps not so deep rooted. DS (7) has a friend who is also petrified of dogs. When he comes up I keep the dog on the lead, or shut her in another room. He used to be scared to walk past her even when I had her on a short lead so that he could come by. The dog is 1 now, and he is gradually coming round to be less scared of her, she is a friendly mutt, and we have progressed to him being able to play in the garden when she is out there too, as he realises she minds her own business.

I think it can be a good thing to help him overcome the fear, but it is probably based on the depth of his phobia. Perhaps you have a friend with a calm dog you could introduce him to slowly to begin with?

[insanityscratching]

We have Eric and ds3 (autism) never liked/ was scared of dogs. Ds is 19 and Eric is about 9 inches tall and we had him from a pup. When he was at the bitey stage ds kept his distance although Eric never tried to engage ds in play. Eric would sit at his feet and occasionally ds would stroke him. Now Eric no longer bites ds is happy to throw him toys and take him walks and allows Eric to sit on his lap and even kiss him (he doesn't let any human kiss him )
It worked for us I think because ds was an adult and also because Eric is tiny and very cute. Ds still doesn't like big dogs.

[CastilianHhhhidalgo]

I think you might struggle to find a decent breeder willing to let you have a pup if you have a child who is terrified of dogs. Most good breeders I know expect the whole family to visit and interact appropriately with their adult dogs before they're even allowed near the puppies.

Puppies are more often than not completely monstrous little things and young dogs can take a long time to calm down. I've got three young whippets and the eldest is just starting to sort of calm down at 3 years old. Even so he can still be very full on and giddy.

I think in your situation a calm, quiet and gentle adult rescue would be a far more suitable option. We used to have a lovely old lump of a dog, he was so gentle and an excellent reader of people. He won over dog haters and (true) dog phobics alike. He was a super dog and came to us as an adult from a rescue.

[calonwyn]

If you rehome an adult dog, you could arrange a few meetings between your DS and the dog before s/he comes home, so they get to know each other before the dog's introduced to the house?

And if it's a specific breed you want to adopt, the breed club would probably be able to put you in touch with young-ish show dogs who've not made the cut and are looking for pet homes; they'll ideally have been trained in ring craft and should be calm around people and used to being handled/examined. (Unless they didn't make the show cut because they didn't like being handled...) Or alternatively a rescue kennels could match you up with a dog who's been surrendered from a home with kids and is used to attention from little ones.

I love my dog now he's all grown up, but if I ever have another it's definitely an older rescue for me and my shoes/books/chairlegs.

[CalmerChameleon]

The breed I am looking into is a Miniature Schnauzer. I grew up with them and am confident in their temperament, and the size is good too. Really helpful to hear of experiences where getting a family dog has helped with the fear of dogs.

Also, I will look into the idea of adopting an older but trained Schnauzer, great idea Calonwyn. Not an option I'd thought of.

My parents have adopted a few rescue dogs over the years and they have been a bit hit and miss. Always lovely but often a little batty. They are retired and have no kids at home, but I can't afford to get this wrong. I just feel that going for a breed is a safer bet.

[Booboostoo]

I think it would be more sensible to help DS overcome his fear of dogs first and then think about getting your own. You need someone with a very laid back adult dog with a strong down/stay. You ask the person to put their dog Ina down/stay far away from DS and leave it up to DS to chose to approach the dog and the level of interaction he wants to initiate. It is important the dog does not move so your DS feels in control of the situation.

[Cupcakes123]

My mum and my 2 sisters and I were terrified of all dogs (my mum was scared and her fear rubbed off on us, I was shipped off to a physiatrist and everything it was that bad)

3 years ago, she made the snap descion to get a puppy (a cavachon) she was tiny, and it was just impossible to be scared off her and we all love her to pieces.
It was the best thing she ever did, all of us now have no fear of dogs (although one of my sisters is still wary of big dogs)
In fact, we now have 2 dogs!
It sounds stupid but changed my life, being scared of dogs is such a pain, having to avoid beaches/parks/pub gardens/friends houses etc just in case there happened to be there!

[WeAllHaveWings]

After been bitten at age 4 by a relatives Labrador (I was kicking tapping the poor dog with my foot to try to get it out from under the table to play with me and it snapped at my foot). After that I was petrified of dogs. This would have been in the 70's and people let dogs roam freely much more in those days. So if I went out to play and saw a dog I would run home in tears and not go out again.

Fear lasted till about 2 days after my dad arrived home with a 18 month old pedigree collie was had been about to be pts as it had a limp after an accident, previous owner didn't want a dog with a limp. First day was awful, I can still remember hiding from it and crying, stamping my feet in a tantrum because he brought this dog home.

2 days later I was ok.