I don't even know what to do with myself but I know I am not coping very well right now.
We have three dogs of our own and we are a foster for a rescue group. Two of our own dogs are older (11 and 10), we have had them since they were puppies. The third is 18 months old, she was our first foster dog.
Since December we also had a foster dog, he was a pit bull which is a banned breed where I live (Ontario).
About a month ago I took our two older dogs in to the vet for their annual checks. Both of the older dogs are long-term Metacam users so part of the check is to measure liver function. My older dog has had suspicious looking liver results for the past 2 years, last year we went through a series of tests to see what was going on but nothing was resolved, and the liver enzymes were not so elevated that it was of particular concern. This dog also tore both cruciate ligaments when he was 5 and he had the TLPO surgery so for a while I could fool convince myself that the elevated alk phos was due to the surgery on his knees.
The liver enzymes came back this time and they are sky high. He had an Xray - there is a "central hepatic mass". He had an ultrasound and a biopsy - he has hemangiosarcoma. About 80% of his liver is lesioned, there are lesions in his spleen, there is a tumour on his bum and one coming up on his side and the pathologist that looked at the biopsy thought that the liver was a metastasis from elsewhere so they suspect heart. After we got these results I didn't want him to go through any more testing.
Obviously surgery is out and chemo doesn't work on this cancer. I have a holistic vet as well as a traditional vet. The holistic vet prescribed some things and told me of some other natural supplements to try. I changed his diet and put him on a special cancer diet. It all started well, he was happily eating his meals with the supplements mixed. That ended last week. I spent most of last week eliminating supplements to try and find a combination that he would eat but the answer is none- he will eat no supplements mixed into his food and he will eat no supplements without food so basically since last week we have not been treating him with anything. This is a blood vessel tumour so the tumours basically consist of a number of blood vessels. At some point one of these blood vessels will likely rupture and he will collapse and die from internal bleeding. In the meantime he shows no signs of suffering other than that he is not really eating. He still wants to go for his walk everyday and that has become my barometer of "quality of life"; when he refuses the walk I know he feels bad. At the same time I am scared to death that he will collapse on the walk one day and I will be stuck! He is about 80 lb, I wouldn't be able to get him home on my own in a collapsed state. So, I have to take my phone with me on every walk now. I hardly ever have my phone with me, but now it comes dog walking with me. He gets his own walk (used to go with the other dogs) and we go at his pace and where he wants.
So, I have been trying to come to terms with this over the past month or so. I expect that he will be gone by the end of the summer. He has lost quite a bit of weight and this cancer is a nasty one. For years I have been dreading the time when he would go, he is our first dog, older than all my kids, and also by far the favourite. So this sucks.
Our foster dog had been the shining light in the house over the past 6 months. He was 6 months old when he got here, full of life, full of beans, very affectionate and cuddly. We all loved him dearly. On Friday I received an email that he was being transferred to a rescue in Alberta - there is no BSL there. I know this is best for him, he has to be muzzled here and he absolutely hated it and we could never let him be off leash anywhere, etc. The anti-BSL legislation is on the table in the Ontario legislature and so close to being approved, but not fast enough. He left yesterday.
I am heartbroken! I have lost my lovely foster dog that we would have adopted if we could have him here, and I am probably going to lose my old boy in the next month or so. I feel like I can't stand it! Yesterday it was all I could do not to go racing off in the car after the foster. I want to ask the rescue that has him to hold on to him for me in case the BSL gets repealed so that I could get him back but that isn't fair to him, he deserves his own family.
My younger dog is moping. I can barely speak for tears and I still have to face the loss of my old boy.
Sorry this is so long, I just had to get it out and I can't speak past the constant lump in my throat.
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The doghouse
I am overwhelmed with sadness :( Very long, sorry
13 replies
momnipotent · 08/07/2013 21:26
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