measured advice please, end of my tether...

(20 Posts)
mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 23:26:58

I know this isnt about jay dog but i noticed he was doing that lip licking thing when dd was stroking him earlier I think he is unsure of her still he did lie and let her stroke him and she is very gentle with him but he did look unsure I am going to start letting her call him for a pet rather than just ambushing him , she is nearly 15 though I thought and the rescue thought he would be fine with older children, he had an over 14 on his rescue profile, sigh but after reading about the lip licking on here i looked it up and he is quietly stressed bless him sad

MudCity Tue 01-Jan-13 23:23:16

Ah...I love people who love their dogs, I really do! Dogs are definitely man / woman's best friend.

The child - dog relationship isn't always a straightforward one...as you say, it is a learning process. However, once a relationship is established it can be wonderful. Three months is still very early days. Our rescue dog also took time to settle and bond. We've had him two years now and he is the best thing we ever did.

Onlydog sounds gorgeous. Give her a pat from me.

Hope the vet appointment goes ok on Thursday.

You will come through this and she will reward you a thousand-fold!

onlyoneboot Tue 01-Jan-13 22:14:05

Thanks for all the advice, have taken it all on and feeling much better and clearer headed about what I need to do. MudCity, I do love her loads, we all do, even DH who was very hmm about getting a dog. DS does need to learn how to express his love through games and training. Fingers crossed the vet will have a solution to the scar problem on Thursday too...

biff23 Tue 01-Jan-13 13:03:28

My cocker is like this with 7 year old D's. We've had her since she was 8wks old. He only had to look at her and she would growl at him, he has had a fair few snaps from her which have hurt him, she would snap when he was petting her and growl if he tried to sit next to her. Don't have a clue why him, he's the youngest and always did push the boundaries and wouldn't take on board her warning signals - growling, nervous lip licking, slunk down head etc. I think she just decided to be on the offensive with him as she expected him to wind her up.

The turning point has actually been a doggy selection box. My ds and dd took turns each morning giving her the treat and from early on she started tolerating him pretty well. She is very food orientated so perhaps him giving her nice treats has been the white flag.

Try your son doing a 5 min clicker session each day to increase the bond or even let him give the dog a treat a couple of times a day.

MudCity Tue 01-Jan-13 12:45:30

Good advice, lougle. My rescue dog doesn't like any sudden movement so if someone comes up quickly, as children tend to, and strokes him, he does get anxious. He likes to have a bit of warning first. He is better with adults but that is because we are so much slower and generally quieter!

Onlyoneboot....try to keep calm (easier said I know!) ...onlydog will definitely pick up on your anxiety and that will make her think that there is a problem with your son. You are doing all the right things by involving him in training and ball games. Definitely right to see a vet about the possible physical issues.

Very good luck. You are doing a good thing with only dog...she really needs you and it is clear you love her loads!!

lougle Tue 01-Jan-13 12:29:41

Was he stroking her as he passed her/she passed him? Could you try a rule that if he wants to stroke her, he calls her to him, so she has warning of the impending stroke?

mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 11:30:15

do go and see a behaviourist we went early december and it really did make a huge difference to us and jaydog,
he isn't sorted but we are better with him , although he does still target dd2 she is 14 and has a really high pitched voice and sounds nervy when he goes into 1 ,

onlyoneboot Tue 01-Jan-13 11:25:30

grin at Nashville.

We've done some one to one training which was very helpful and she's come on loads from the scared wee girl that she was when she arrived.

Teenage years, yes! Now she's more confident she's very cheeky but better cheeky than scared. I think a behaviourist might be helpful around how she is with DS. My voice goes all stressy when they are near each other. Not helpful, I know...

mrsjay Tue 01-Jan-13 09:30:12

grin auto correct makes me laugh

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog Mon 31-Dec-12 22:57:13

Nashville???

Behaviour.

That has to be one of my best autocorrect fails ever. smile

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog Mon 31-Dec-12 22:55:21

Also she's now going through the doggy teenage years and her Nashville may be different and unpredictable. Assuming all is well medically have you thought about a behaviourist or one to one training?

mrsjay Mon 31-Dec-12 22:33:15

see if your rescue centre has a behaviourist to talk to , and your little one could be seen as something for the dog to dominate, tell your 7yr old to try and not pet the dog in passing dog might have got a fright, Ive a rescue dog who is 10 months and we have issues you never know what has happened to them in the past do you , so sometimes a sudden movement or even nothing can scare them , today i moved a christmas bag out the way and dog got such a fright and hurtled off ,

onlyoneboot Mon 31-Dec-12 21:53:10

The end of her spay scar hasn't healed properly, there's a bit of protruding flesh and a bit of swelling that comes and goes. It was like this when we got her. She was on antibiotics and anti inflammatory medication that gave her the runs then prescription food that made the runs worse then meds to deal with the blood in the runs. Her insides are fine now but the scar needs to be sorted, I think they will need to do a procedure to remove a stitch that was left in and her body is reacting to. Writing that down I'm not surprised she's been a bit sensitive.

What was the diet and medication for?

onlyoneboot Mon 31-Dec-12 20:33:48

I was doing all that but I guess had let everything slide over Xmas. Got DS out throwing a ball for her this evening and they were both very happy. She has been on medication for a while and a strict diet so all the treat giving that DS used to do stopped for a while. Wonder if that made a difference. Will get back on with the training this week and get him involved.

IDoAllMyOwnStunts Mon 31-Dec-12 18:52:34

You could try some small things like getting your DS to feed and walk the dog on a regular basis, this can sometimes help build the relationship between them.
Hope you get things sorted. I'm sure your vet will offer sound avice - it sounds fixable.

onlyoneboot Mon 31-Dec-12 18:43:08

Vet appointment made. She has an ongoing problem with her spay scar, which i hope is sorted soon.

Daisy, she has german shepherd but is quite small, bit of husky i'm guessing and maybe collie thrown in.

I didn't know a behaviourist could be covered by insurance, will check that out.

I made her a little quiet place Higgle and that has helped. The house isn't big and it is the longest time the kids have been off. Xmas is a bit overwhelming in general!

Thanks for advice, confidence creeping back.

higgle Mon 31-Dec-12 14:12:56

Christmas is difficult for dogs, hot, more people than usual, all cooped up together. Does you dog have its own cool space to retreat to? I'm sure it is best to pursue vet examination and a behaviourist but the festive season might have contributed something to it.

The first step is to take her to the vet for a check over.

The change in behaviour is sudden onset and could well have a medical cause - especially after Christmas when there are lots of opportunities for snaffling rich food or something they shouldn't.

She may be in pain and reacting accordingly. One of mine had a dose of acute pancreatitis and kept trying to savage our youngest dog. Once the pain had gone, she went back to normal.

If the vet can find no cause, ask him to refer you to a behaviourist and check the terms of your insurance with regard to which qualification in behaviourists they will accept.

It doesn't sound as though the situation is unfixable. Do you know what breeds are in your dog?

onlyoneboot Mon 31-Dec-12 12:46:47

Hi, I've posted before about OnlyDog, 18 month old rescue. We've had her 3 months now and everything was going fairly well, lots of challenges but she really feels like part of the family. BUT the last few days she has snapped at DS (7) three times when he's simply stroked her in passing. They are little warning snaps but I'm a nervous wreck and unsure how to tackle this.

She was wary of him initially and there were a few barks and snaps early on but it was clear why she had reacted and we worked on it and lay down clear ground rules that my son has stuck to. She's absolutely fine with my older children and the only thing I can think is that he's more on a level with her (she's medium sized) and more easy to challenge?!

I'll speak to the rescue centre after the holidays but I'd really appreciate some advice/reassurance if anyone has any. I've been scaring myself by reading bite stories etc but as she isn't aggressive generally, friendly with people and dogs, I think and hope this can be overcome.

For now I'm keeping Only Dog away from DS unless on the lead and armed with clicker and treats. I don't want to force her to be friends with him, or be petted but it seems counter productive to have her shut away all the time.

When we took her on I was ready to do lots of work, was ready for challenges etc but this has knocked me sideways and I don't feel confident. The thought of giving up on her is really upsetting me, I would feel like we'd failed her massively, but obviously safety is most important. Am I being naive in thinking I can make this work??

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