My beautiful, gorgeous 15 year old border collie x was put to sleep yesterday after she rapidly became ill.
I saved my girl 11 years ago after she had been abused by her previous owners. We have been inseparable. It was only her and me for 6 years and then I met my DH. We have been such a happy family unit. Last August I gave birth to my first LO. She was so loving with DS and very protective. But she has always been my shadow, where ever I went Tessa would follow.
3 months ago she started to limp, on and off. Took her to the vets who said it was probably arthritis so she was put on medication. Which she seemed to work. 2 months ago I returned to work after maternity leave and I have been so busy. Excuses, I know, but my DH works abroad and only gets home for 1 weekend a month and so for me, it took time to learn to juggle, work, LO, housework and Tessa and I'm ashamed to say I sort of took Tessa for granted. She was always there, always happy to see me. She started to go off her food a couple of weeksa go and I just thought she might have a bit of a tumy bug or put it down to old age.
On Wednesday, during our walk, she hadn't gone far and and she sat down, I shouted at her for being lazy. Then on Friday night she collapsed and it took her ages before she could move. I helped to pick her up and that is when I felt a lump on her side. I took her to the vets yesterday and it was an aggressive, large tumour. I came home without her.
I can't stop cyring, not even in front of the 11 months DS. I know I should get a grip and man up for the sake of my DS but I just can't. I feel so guilty for not knowing my girl was suffering and I so wish I had spent more time with her these past few months.
Sorry just needed to speak about this as my DH is not here and I don't know how to make myself feel better.
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The doghouse
Not coping with the death of my beloved Tessa
15 replies
thedogwalker · 24/07/2011 09:42
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