Grounded - what does it actually entail in your household?

[cheapskatemum]

DS3 has done something awful & OH & I are unanimous that he is grounded for the rest of half term. We've also confiscated his PS3. He's not allowed out, and can't have friends round. Problem is, I have a long-standing arrangement to meet someone tomorrow, about 200 mile round trip. Do I take him with me? Or trust him to obey the rules, even if I'm not there to enforce them? OH went off to work (abroad) this morning. Any thoughts/suggestions/WWYD appreciated. Many thanks.

[admylin]

Ds is grounded for fighting with his sister and it means no friends round and no nintendo or computer time.

When dd (rarely) is grounded she gets no sweets and no TV - those are the things that they both love so that's what I ground.

Perhaps you could trust him to stick to the grounded rules and tell him if he proves himself you could pull the end of being grounded forward abit? Could give him the insentive to stick to it maybe. You will have to get someone to check on him though.

[cheapskatemum]

Thanks admylin. Sadly, what DS3 has done is far worse than fighting, though I really hate it when DSs fight, so IKWYM. We won't be bringing the end of him not being allowed out forward, but might put some credit on his mobile phone at the weekend.

Good idea about someone to check on him. Have just remembered we'll be out from about 3.30pm till late on Fri - DH's birthday present going to opera at Holland Park - so will use that strategy then.

[MySweetPrince]

How old is DS? Can he be trusted to stay in on his own and does he realise the severity of what he has done?If you are in any doubt I would take him with you to re-inforce that when you say he is grounded you really mean it.

[cheapskatemum]

Thanks for posting, MySweetPrince. He's 15 (just) and yes, I believe he does realise the severity of what he's done. Lol, a friend phoned him today & I heard him say "I don't think I'll be allowed for about the next 3 months" (to camp at a friend's overnight). I'm taking him with me as I think it would be an unfair temptation to leave him all day, on only the 2nd day of his grounding. I couldn't think of anyone who isn't either working, or away tomorrow, who could check on him (we haven't lived here long, so don't know oodles of people).

Any more advice welcomed!

[noteventhebestdrummer]

Think it's good you are taking him with you actually, gives you some time for chatting?

You're right that temptation is hard for them to resist!

[BritFish]

i am sorry you have to deal with this [even though im awfully curious to what he's done, sorry ]

with my two, we kept up stuff like going to visit our friends at the other end of the country [as in, things that had been planned before incident/grounding]
and i did trust them to stay at home on their own sometimes, but i checked up on them every hour by calling, and if they didnt answer the phone woe betide them...

[mumblechum]

Surely grounded means they're not allowed out except for school, and not allowed any friends round.

Have never thought about withholding sweets etc as grounding.

[Butterbur]

We had to ground DS1 (15 at the time) about 9 months ago for a piece of appalling behaviour.

It consisted of no going out - even to sports, no friends round, no computer at all, no mobile phone, no ipod, no TV, We even took his nicest clothes. He also wasn't allowed to go upstairs and sleep on his bed.

He was allowed to read, play in garden, help around the place, and to earn back privileges through good behaviour.

We also talked to him lots, both to try and understand why he'd done what he did, and also to make it clear that we did a lot for him, and currenlty planned to do a lot more - all of which could change if he didn't shape up.

I also told him that if he did it again, I'd take the door off his room, and remove everything of his except basic clothes.

Thank goodness I haven't needed to. It would be far too much work.

[supersec]

I couldn't answer this one unless I knew what they had done. I'm having problems with my son at the moment constantly pushing the boundaries. He is 14 (15 in a couple of months time). He has been told he is allowed out until 10.30, 11 at latest, if he goes out on a Friday or Saturday night. He has been coming in later and later and two weeks ago we get a text at 11.30 to say he is staying at someone's house who we don't know. We went absolutely ballistic, found out where he was and dragged him home.

Last week my husband had to go and bang on the door of his friend's house at 12.15 after getting texts from 10.45 saying on bus be home in 15, 10, 5 mins etc.

We have go no option now but to ground him for a few weeks at least. He is in the middle of Y10 GCSEs. We did want to "keep the peace" until these were over but he can't get what he likes and go where he likes when he is acting like this.

To make matters worse my son has dabbled with cannabis in the past which lead to serious problems. If you give him an inch he takes a mile.

[cheapskatemum]

You've hit the nail on the head, supersec, I caught DS3 smoking a joint in his bedroom on Bank Holiday Monday. We grounded him for the rest of half term, which meant no going out, none of his friends round and confiscating PS3. He did have access to a PC. He didn't have any credit on his mobile and its battery wasn't charged. I would have allowed him to go to cricket practice, had it been on and he did have his guitar lesson. He had revision to do because some of his GCSE papers are taken in Year 10. We did chat and, actually, I think he had a more productive half term.

He doesn't push the boundaries regarding staying out late etc - that is very much DS1s modus operandi. He's now 18 and takes his last A level paper next week. I'm keen to get it right with DS3, as I think we messed up with DS1 (DS2 has ASD, SLD & probably bi polar, causing us to take our eyes off the ball).

Many, many thanks for all your posts.