wish me luck ....

[basildonbond]

dh and I have decided that ds1's attitude needs nipping in the bud

He's 13 and can be absolutely delightful as long as everything's going his way. Crossed, he becomes unbearably rude and arrogant and it's really unpleasant to have that kind of behaviour around the house.

He's been pushing boundaries and bedtimes, doing the bare minimum at school - just enough not to get into trouble but not putting any effort in at all. He's been getting to bed later and later but complaining about being tired in the mornings (d'oh!)

Last night he was still faffing around at well past 11 and I took CoD away for the rest of the week. Tonight I told him it was his choice how he behaved and that he could have a really pleasant life if he made life pleasant for us, but if he was rude and unco-operative, the things he thinks of as his rights but are really privileges (facebook, xbox, phone, ipod, nice food, lifts everywhere etc) could and would be withdrawn

So far he's told me I don't realise how good I've got it as his friends are much worse to their parents than he is (I'm quite prepared to believe that, but they don't live with me!) and that it's war - I've told him that's his choice but I can see this is going to get bumpy. His bedtime is supposed to be 10 and he's still mucking around in the bathroom ... consequences will have to be applied if he's not in bed in about 2 minutes .... arrggghhhhh

[GypsyMoth]

am lurking to nick any advice you are given!!

[AnyFucker]

lurking too

my 14 yo dd has been absolutely horrible today

[MizDemeanor]

Good luck, I have invested in a hard hat and flack jacket for dealing with 14yr old Dd

[zandy]

Hibernate. Don't come out till they are 21.

:D Good luck.

[pointydog]

I'd stop being so helpful to him re lifts and nice food if he's being a cheeky bugger back.

[Bellabellabella]

Oh dear, I am sorry but as an old, old fashioned parent I have to say that COD in my house is for school holidays only. My son is 16 but it is that or no COD! His 'lights out' is 10.00pm. I will admit that he may read for a little without us knowing but we are the patrents, he is the child! Good luck.

[pointydog]

what is cod?

[mumblechum]

Call of Duty (game)

[pointydog]

ah right

[Sweeedes]

Make only a very few rules and STICK to them. I'm OK at the former but could do better at the latter. I find myself saying: 'Ooooh you've got such a heavy bag today you poor thing, I'll pick you up from tennis' etc.

I only allow computer games at weekends and at the moment Playstation has been rehomed to grandma's as it's exam season. And it's a distraction. It will come home for the summer hols.

I try to be firm but fair and unfazed by stuff that has past and you can't change.

[basildonbond]

OK ... after quite a bit of huffing and puffing he went to bed not too much after 10 (and asked for a hug!) and this morning he brought his washing down without being reminded

I get the feeling he's trying to soften me up though

let's see what this evening brings ....

[Cobbstar]

OH Good luck with him........the teenage years are so hard, he's a little boy one minute and a raging pot of angry hormones the next....good for you for giving him boundaries but teenagers by their very nature will try and push them to the limit!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I have a few rules which are sacrosant - bed at 9.30, no cheek, homework to be done, effort & behaviour at school required.

DD's chores are linked to her allowance so she is pretty good at doing those as she knows money will not be forthciming if she doesn't.

If she is cheeky, or stays up late, she has her mobile and/or laptop taken away from her for a fixed period. This is utter social suicide so really works as a deterrent.

Crappy games like COD are pretty grim though. They are banned (mind you, I think every teenage boy I know plays it, thank god I gave got a girl so I don't have to have that convesration). I know that I may come across as a sanctimonious twat, but isn't COD an 18? So should he be actually playing it at all? I imagine it must be pretty hard actually being nice to your mum if you have just spent the previous 3 hours shooting people on teh x box.

[basildonbond]

thanks everyone

getorf... the one ds has got is a 15, and he already has pretty strict time limits (no more than an hour at at time and homework first) - he does 2 hours of sport after school every night as well so the actual physical amount of time he has to spend on xbox is limited anyway