16 year old daughter in NY for the day

[momshrie]

So my daugh age 16 and her friends went to NY today on their own...with my eventual permission... about an hour in half from our home... I am worried that this will open door to increasing independence... but i didnt want her to fall into temptation of lying and going anyway if not allowed... so did i make right decision?.. please be gentle in your reply, i dont think i can take bashing disagreement.. i am looking for support and encouragement... i believe my daugh has to make right choices while away from home and yes this stresses me... She is mature in many areas in life w/ school, church, and volunteer in community/police cadet etc... but still this stresses me... ugh... maybe i just need to let go... but she is only 16.5 yet she thinks she is 25... she was in trouble as early teen but has matured beyond that, so i believe... at least i am not aware of things... other than a great interest in boys... she is going w/ mature friends to NY, three others age 16, 17, and 20.... 16 yo goes to church w/ us and is like a son to me, they are freinds only and not a relationship... they are good teens but i just am concerned... i work in protective services so i think that weighs heavy on my concerns because i have seen so many teens make wrong decisions.. i pray my teen makes right choices and continues to grow in maturity. This is just so crazy to me though, cause there is so much more access to things these days. i mean i would never be driving to ny as a 16 year old... ugh...i have an older son in college too... he is also independent and in fact living out of state where he attends college, during the non-school months... all and all i guess i just need to vent and realize they are both doing pretty well.... i am just so cautious i guess cause i know so much of what is really out there in the world.... maybe i am hitting early empty nest syndrome, LOL..anyway w/ that what r all u thoughts?

[Jaybird37]

Absolutely! I live in London and my kids are always out and about.

If you don't let her go, she will never learn to make her own choices, and so mature, or she will defy you and be forced into rows or lying.

I hope she has a ball. Don't call her and don't worry.

[LynetteScavo]

i used to go to London with friends for the day at 16 (and 15, but without permission). The train journey was about about 1 hours..and nothing exciting bad ever happened. Because we were very boring sensible.

I wish I could go to NY for the day!

[Elgoogreven]

what did she say her plans were for the day?

i think it's totally fine by the way. i'm not sure what the issue is exactly.

[mummytime]

I used to go into London on my own all the time from about 14. Nothing bad happened. Although it would have been much better for my Mum if we'd had mobiles in those days, as while I was out for the day: once a bomb went off (shows my age), and another time the whole tube network stopped working.
If I lived near NY, and my kids had any street sense, I would let them go at 16.

[Littlefish]

Just to really shock you, admittedly it was 30 years ago, but my brother and I used to get a train into London (about an hour away), and spend the day going round the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. We were 10 and 12 at the time.

[Jaybird37]

@Littlefish - not shocking at all. I did the same and so did my kids, without mobile phones.

[lostinwales]

I used to go to York for the day at that age, probably not quite the same though!

[Earlybird]

Good decision to let her go.

You need to start giving her some limited independence and some opportunities to use her judgement independently without you at her side.

I completely understand your nervousness (and goodness knows I will feel the same way when dd is 16), but think of it this way: at 18, she will presumably go off to college/university. If she has barely been out on her own without adult supervision, she will have a much harder time.

[eatyourveg]

you sound as if you've got a sensible head on your shoulders and have probably instilled that in your dc. At 16 your dd should be starting to spread her wings. Like Early bird I was closeted until I was 20 odd and i think I had a harder time for it. You made the right decision.

[alexsdad]

I think that's a fantastic thing to do momshrie.

Perhaps if you just change one word early on in your post : "I am worried excited that this will open door to increasing independence"

Now THAT'S the way to look at it, IMHO!

New York. Wow! If your daughter can be persuaded to go to the galleries, museums etc. with her friends she will be getting an amazing education/experience.

[missismac]

OMG - 16.6 - what on earth has she been doing until now!? I can't believe you live 1/2 an hour from that fantastic city & by 16 she hasn't been there with her girlfriends!!

My DD and all her friends use central London as their playground and have done since they were about 13 (she's 14.5 now). They stay together & follow our safety rules but of course they must spread their wings and gain independence. What kind of useless Mum would I be if I didn't encourage her to move about her world with confidence, or trust her to make her own decisions about people and situations? I hope I've raised her right and letting her go is the litmus test.

Last year when she was 13.5 she flew to NY on her own to spend 2 weeks with her cousin who was then 15.5 on Long Island. As far as I know they spent days wandering round NY looking at the sights. I never had a moments concern as they're both sensible girls and I knew that if the cousins parents felt it was OK then it was OK. Let go FGS.