Daughter getting married at 16

[lturner10]

My daughter has just informed me that her boyfriend proposed to her on her 16th birthday last weekend. They have known each other since primary school and started 'going out' when they were 14. My husband and I have been very supportive of their relationship and her boyfriend is very sweet and clearly cares a great deal for her. We were shocked by the news of their engagement as, whilst my daughter is probably much more mature than many of her peers, she is still very young. They will of course need parental consent to get married and my husband and I are compeltely at a loss with what to do. They have said they will have a low budget wedding and seem to be thinking very seriosuly about making it happen in the next year. Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone else gone through the same thing? Does anyone know of any young people getting married so young and it turning out well?

Thanks,

Louisa

[scurryfunge]

Not gone through the same thing.

I would be wary of consenting to it though.

Can't you ask them to wait until they are 18?

What are their plans for supporting eachother, further education and housing?

[ASecretLemonadeDrinker]

I got married at 18, ups and downs but that wasn't due to the piece of paper we had. To be perfectly honest and unromantic, there is only legal implications to them being married i.e joint assets etc. It certainly doesn't tie you to the other person much more than just being in a non marital relationship. Of course it should be taken seriously, but, marriage when people are in their 30s/40s fails too. As long as it's not on a whim and one person isn't going to use it for their own gains then I think it's ok really.

[cocolepew]

I wouldn't give consent., they're too young and have only been going together for 2 years. If they are really meant to be together they still will be in a few years.

[ASecretLemonadeDrinker]

Of course you could encourage them to wait until they are 18 and at least be able to (legally ) have a glass of champagne at their own wedding Then it does give the relationship another 2 years. I was head over heels at 16 and nearly eloped to Scotland, we had been together 2 1/2 years. Obviously I am very very glad I didn't.

[TopsyKretts]

It's very unlikely to last forever, and you should really insist they wait until they are eighteen, but I suppose they could meet someone at thirty and still end up divorced.

What are their plans for higher education, if any? You need to impress upon your dd that she must not compromise her career potential. Being able to support herself will stand her in good stead whatever happens.

[surfinia]

Agree with encouraging them to wait until they are 18. Where do they intend on living?

[mumeeee]

I also agree with encouraging them to wait until they are 18. They are still very young and there are a lot of things they still need parental consent for.

[FrakkedUpTheElection]

I also wouldn't give consent. I'm married at 23 and consider that fairly young. I also underestimated how tough it is to be one of the few married people among my friends who are young, free, single and out on the lash. I wouldn't swap it but some people don't get that it does change your life.

Do they really understand what marriage means?

[foreverastudent]

do they intend to have kids soon? that is what i'd be more worried about than a marriage tbh

It's not the worst thing in the world. As a parent you can only be supportive. At least a divorce at that age would be relatively easy (no kids/assets to split).

[Greensleeves]

I can't see the point of withholding consent, it will just make them resentful and will make no difference to their relationship or their intentions

I see your concerns, but I think at 16 the "control" you have over them is pretty arbitrary when it comes to relaionships, it would be better ot accept that and try to support them. That way if/when there are problems you won't be the last person your daughter wants to confide in.

[ZZZenAgain]

what reason do they give for wanting to marry at this point in time?

[Quattrocento]

Why would you consent? I don't understand. They're far too young. If it lasts until they're 18 then good luck to them. Heck, even 18 is way too young.

[ZZZenAgain]

they can be engaged if that sign of committment is important to them at this stage, why not? However I don't see the need to get married at 16 really. How will they support themselves? Presumably they are still school pupils.

Is it about sex in some way? Perhaps that they believe in no sex before marriage and that may be influencing them towards marrying early?

[mumblechum]

Ok so say you did consent. Where would they live? They couldn't even sign a tenancy agreement or get a mortgage!

Are either or both of them working? I knew someone years ago whose daughter married at 16 but the boy was about 19 & working and the girl was pregnant. They did rent somewhere and had the baby but inevitably split up about 3 years later.

[Ewe]

I would definitely try to encourage them to wait until 18. There is no need to get married at 16, what is the motivation is the key question here I think.n

[LynetteScavo]

IF it was about no sex before marriage or not, I wouldn't give consent at 16.

Waiting another 2 years may seem an age to them, but how many older couple s wait two years between getting engaged and getting married? DH and I only waited a year, and that was considered rushed.

It's a very good point about where they would live, etc.

Oh, and how
many parents contribute towards the wedding these days?

If the you many in question can't get them money for the wedding together, then there will be no wedding, thank you.

(Gosh I sound old, don't I!)

[eatyourveg]

I would not give my consent, waiting until they are 18 will allow them to save up towards all the things they will need when setting up home and they will be that much more mature regarding any decisions they make.

I just wonder how many of us feel like we are the same person we were at 16. We are still formulating in our heads who we are at that age, without having had any independent experience of the world,how on earth can you expect someone to make a life long commitment?

[ronx]

lturner10

Is your daughter pregnant?

[nappyaddict]

Everyone I know who has got married young it hasn't lasted.

frakkedup I actually think 23 is the youngest I would get married. My friend is 23 and her boyfriend plans to propose this year. They moved in with each other when they were 21 and she would like children soon as well. She's really grown up and settled down. This is the girl who at 20 was cheating on her boyfriend with all and sundry, being generally irresponsible, having her stomach pumped, taking drugs etc. I look at me and how much my friendships have changed over the last few years and how I've drifted from people because as you grow up, you do change and the people you used to click with you just don't anymore.

[RooBear]

ask them if they'd consider a long engagement like me and my husband did, we got engaged after 6 months but had a three year engagement which worked really well

[musicposy]

I'm going to give another angle on it here, though it was a good many years ago and I realise times have changed.

My parents together at 16. My Dad's parents wouldn't give consent for them to get married. They eloped and married without parental consent. They then had no contact with my Dad's parents until I was born 10 years later.

They are in their early 70s now and are still together after well over 50 years. They really are made for each other, much more than many of my friends parents who married much older.

I think my grandmother often looked back and thought she'd been wrong, though she never expressly said so. Plus everyone missed out on their wedding.

Also, if it doesn't work out, will it be such a big deal? As long as you don't shell out a fortune and invite 500 guests

[bigstripeytiger]

If you withold consent they would be able to go to Scotland and get married without it if they really wanted to.

Have they given a reason why they want to get married so quickly? Could they be persuaded to wait until they are able to support themselves financially?