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Teenagers

Really disappointed in DS1

6 replies

mumto3boys · 18/05/2010 11:01

This morning I checked the hstory of DS1's MSN. Before I get flamed, this is part of the agreement that we have with him and one of the conditions he is allowed to use it.

He is 13 - year 8.

Him and his friend had swapped IDs so DS1 was logged in as his friend and vice versa.

DS1's friend (on whom I am not very keen) had then taken it upon himself to basically abuse DS'1s girlfriend. I couldn't read all of this as it wasn't on our computer but the girlfriend had pasted some of it into a later conversation with DS1.

In the later conversation with DS1 there was some sort of row in which DS1 called her both frigid and a whore (suspect he doesn't see the irony there). His friend also logged into the conversation, so basiaclly DS1 was laughing at her in front of his mate, thinking he was big and clever.

DS1's girlfriend (now ex and good for her) was so dignified and basically left the conversation. She is an adorable girl who doesn't even go to their school, so the mate has never met her.

DS1 then boasted to his female friend what he had said. She ios a mutual friend and thankfully told him what he had said was disgusting and that calling a 13 year old frigid is stupid as she is supposed to be!

I am so shocked that he has spoken to this girl like this. The poor thing must have been so upset.

KNowing I have PMT and that this could turn into a slanging match, when I really need him to listen and think about what I have said, I decided to send him a text. It said

DS1, I think you need to seriously reconsider how you talk to people on MSN. It has been taken away before and can be again. If you want to break up with someone you can do just that without being so disgusting. Ganging up witha friend is just bullying. I am disgusted and disappointed in your immature and hurtful behaviour. Just imagine how GF feels now. It was nasty and unneccesary and you need to think more about how you treat people, as that is how others will treat you in return. I suggest you have a long think about it and do your best to put it right.

He then replied that she had already dumped him but that he had also apologised - probably via his mobile which is why it doesn't show up I think.

I basically replied that who started it is not the pointed and he should have more respect for himself and just walk away. I also pointed out that he would be thought of badly by his female friends, to whom he boasted last night.

If he has already apologised, then I am please but I am so shocked at what he said and how he said it to her, they're 13 FGS!

I really don't want to have a full on argument about this as I really was him to realise what he has done.

Do I now leave it as it is and keep an eye on the MSN?

OP posts:
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potplant · 18/05/2010 11:09

Leave it.

He behaved immaturely (but then he is 13) and he has apologised. what else do you want?

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Hullygully · 18/05/2010 11:17

This is the joy of the teen years - endless education in empathy and emotional awareness etc. Well done for calm approach!

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mumto3boys · 18/05/2010 11:18

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure how 13 year old boys behave. I went to an all girls school.

I have visions of the poor girl remembering his comments forever but then I am probably just being ridiculous.

I suppose I am just shocked and have visions of him growing up as some vile woman hater

That's part of the reason I sent the text as I know that face to face it will all blow up and any point I want to make will be lost.

He has been dumped and I know he will be gutted as he had a crush on her for years and his female friend who is very important to him had a go at him. Maybe that will be lesson learnt.

aaarrrrgghhhhhh this teenage bit is just awful.

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mumto3boys · 18/05/2010 11:19

Thanks hully gully, it's a first for me, i'm usually an all guns blazing. Never works.

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Hassled · 18/05/2010 11:21

I think you've handled it all incredibly well. I think you still need to have a proper talk about it - maybe give him a day to stew and for you to calm down first, and then leave it - he'll learn. 13 year old boys are idiots - they get better.

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analytic · 20/05/2010 23:52

the most important thing he needs to understand is to protect his on-line identity. That's paramount. He needs to change his password now (and anywhere else he has used the same password). Losing control your on-line identity is never, ever good. There are countless examples of children taking over someone else's facebook and changing the password and ... you're stuffed

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