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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Teenage DD Riding Pillion on Boyfriend's Motorbike

61 replies

Evenstar · 21/03/2010 23:09

My DD's boyfriend has taken her out on his motorbike for the first time today, he is very sensible, has passed his test and has had proper training. However as the daughter of an A & E nurse and a father who worked in the funeral trade I am painfully aware of the number of fatal motorbike accidents and in particular how pillion riders often come off worst. In addition I was widowed suddenly 20 months ago, and a policeman came to my door with the news of my husband's death, I know now that if my DD is out on the motorbike I will be waiting for that ring on the doorbell. I have told her how unhappy I am, and even told her the tragic story of a girl I knew in 6th form who died as a pillion passenger on a close friend's bike. Am I being unreasonable or overprotective as DD seems to believe? I have asked her to make it clear to her boyfriend that I am unhappy about her riding pillion, and said to her that each time she does it, it will be against my wishes. There is really nothing more I can do is there? She is nearly 18, I would just like some opinions and/or strategies for dealing with this difficult situation.

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tootootired · 21/03/2010 23:27

I have asked DH (a lifelong biker and former instructor) about this and he says he understands you being worried - he would too.

You could try to make sure she has proper clothing, i.e. leathers with hard protection and proper boots, her own full face helmet. That can really reduce the seriousness of an accident, in a minor one you would probably walk away and a moderate one, get away with less serious injuries. This is the norm for bike clothing these days. DH never rides anywhere without his protective gear, even to the shops.

How old is the BF and how long has he had a licence for? If he really is a safe rider that will eliminate the showing off/speed freak accidents which are a significant proportion.

Unless you are in a position to enforce a ban that might be as far as you could go. You could also say she should never feel she has to go on the bike if she feels uncomfortable - there are always taxis.

Evenstar · 21/03/2010 23:32

He is 17 and has only just passed the test, she did have a helmet obviously, but I think leathers etc are beyond what we can afford, he doesn't even have those himself. He is very sensible and responsible but I think we have all seen enough of those adverts about not seeing motorbikes to know that many bike accidents are not due to driver error. I am going to have to live with it I think, she is totally convinced that nothing will happen to her. Thanks so much for your reply.

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Uriel · 21/03/2010 23:39

I would be banning her from riding pillion, as far as that's possible with a 17 yr old until she has full leathers (and a decent helmet, obviously).

Tell her to google gravel rash, and that might be the lightest thing she gets, if they come off.

TheCrackFox · 21/03/2010 23:44

Riding pillion can be dangerous. Another point to note is most insurances companies will not cover for riding pillion (if at all) until a year after passing the bike test.

He and your DD are insane to go on a motorbike without leathers.

KnackeredOldHag · 21/03/2010 23:44

I also ride motorbike, but would never ever do so without full leathers, gloves, kidney belt etc.

At the very least make sure she has a motorbike jacket (not a fashion leather jacket), sturdy jeans, good boots (DM's or similar for example), kidney belt and proper gloves. Not to mention she should ensure the helmet meets the safety specs and has never been dropped (don't buy second hand).

Evenstar · 21/03/2010 23:45

That is the problem she is 18 in just over 4 months time and I don't really see how I can police a ban. I have spoken to her boyfriend about his own lack of protective clothing, he came over in shorts one day last summer, but his parents seem unconcerned or like me unable to enforce that with someone who will be an adult in a few months time.

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Evenstar · 21/03/2010 23:47

I will look into the insurance angle thank you that could be something that would prevent her riding, although I suspect he will have looked into that.

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KnackeredOldHag · 21/03/2010 23:51

Shorts should be a definite no-no. Has he ever seen pictures from someone who has come off their bike and lost not only the skin on their legs, but also the muscle down to the bone?

If he can't afford leathers he can't afford to ride. OK, so a decent jacket might set you back £300 or so and the same for trousers, but its a small price to pay for the difference between an accident and a fatal accident.

shelleylou · 21/03/2010 23:54

he shouldn't have a pillion passenger at all it is illegal for him to do so!!! He doesnt have the license for it. He needs a CBT part 2 to carry a pillion passenger.

Sorry pillion passenger is a sore subject for me but am trying really hard to be objective.
If he see's no problem wearing shorts on a motorbike i'd be very dubious as he either doesn't know or doesnt appreciate how dangerous a bike can be.

shelleylou · 21/03/2010 23:59

see here in the second paragraph

Evenstar · 21/03/2010 23:59

I think it was his second test that he passed recently, I agree with everything that has been said about the folly of riding without protective clothing, but don't really know what I can do about this. Sadly as we know teenagers feel invincible, and I don't think anything I could show them or tell them would make any difference. They are not going to believe it could happen to them. I will keep trying though.

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shelleylou · 22/03/2010 00:01

sorry 5th paragraph. IIRC that cant be done till you've been riding a year or more. Trying to recall what my db told me.

If it would help evenstar i could tell you the result of my brother riding as a pillion passenger.

Evenstar · 22/03/2010 00:02

Thanks for the link shelleylou, he doesn't have L plates now so it must have been the part 2 test.

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Quattrocento · 22/03/2010 00:02

Personally, I'd just tell her she isn't doing it under any circumstances. She's not 18, she is living under your roof, and it's something she just shouldn't do. It's insanely dangerous. Bribe her with driving lessons to sugar the pill.

BertieBotts · 22/03/2010 00:02

Shorts?? (worried not confused face)

Do you know any older, more experienced bikers you could introduce them to, just for a chat? He/she might take them more seriously, especially if they're thinking that you are just being overprotective. But I agree with shelley, it sounds like he doesn't have respect for how dangerous a bike can be.

Evenstar · 22/03/2010 00:04

If it would put my DD off doing it, then I would be grateful if it is not too painful for you. She was totally undeterred by the account of my friend's girlfriend dying of serious head injuries 3 weeks after coming off his motorbike however.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/03/2010 00:05

If they can't afford decent leathers, they can hardly afford driving lessons.

shelleylou · 22/03/2010 00:06

It is painful it was 5 months ago but if i can help 1 person then it is worth it. Im just going to get a drink and a fag then i'll recall it with back history of my db as a rider

Evenstar · 22/03/2010 00:08

I know where you are coming from Quattrocento and when my children were younger I would have said unhesitatingly that I would forbid them from things whilst they were under my roof. Now they are older I find forbidding something only works if you are able to ensure they comply, I cannot be here 24/7 and she would have no hesitation in lying to me and saying that she hadn't been on the motorbike. She has EMA and a Saturday job, so I cannot even apply financial sanctions.

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KnackeredOldHag · 22/03/2010 00:09

Exactly!

Bikes are fun, but can also be immensely dangerous. Anyone riding one must have full respect of this and wear the appropriate gear and take extra care when riding. This is much more important on a bike than an inexperienced car driver who still has a cage of metal to protect them.

MadamDeathstare · 22/03/2010 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Evenstar · 22/03/2010 00:21

I am thinking that perhaps I need to speak to his parents we may need to present a united front to deal with all the safety issues for both of them.

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shelleylou · 22/03/2010 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/03/2010 00:35

I'm very sorry for your loss, shelleylou.

Evenstar · 22/03/2010 00:38

Shellylou, thank you so much for sharing that, and I am so very sorry for your loss. I will certainly tell DD and her boyfriend about this. I am so sad for you that someone as careful and safety conscious as your brother was lost because of someone else's carelessness.

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