Meeting the Girlfriend

[mummyflood]

Help and advice needed please ladies - am very nervous, please hold my hand!

DS1, 16, is bringing his first girlfriend for tea on Wednesday after school. She's 14. They have been 'dating' 2 weeks, only seen each other out of school once - yesterday. He told me he's been invited to hers for tea next week, so I thought that we would be reciprocating the week after and I would have time to psyche myself up (thought it may have fizzled out by then!!)

Thing is, she looks from her photos like a very 'girly girl', and is apparently very quiet. I dont really 'do' girlie, we only know a couple of teenage girls who are more like our two DS's, i.e. into rock/emo music, not exactly tomboys but not pink either, IYSWIM. I am anxious to make her welcome as I would any of his friends, but am a bit scared that I won't know what to say to her, etc. She apparently doesn't get on with his mates (or their girlfriends who are also all Yr9's), in fact the whole thing has taken me by surprise to be honest, until I meet her I can't imagine what they have in common. But he obviously likes her so I don't want to either show him up or say the wrong thing, etc.

Please help me out, do I keep my distance, try and chat, what are good topics, etc. OMG, I am SO not ready for this!!

[juneybean]

Just don't pull out the naked baby pictures!!

[brimfull]

be prepared for her to say nothing
ime if they are shy it will be painful
remember she will be shitting herself

if she's a girly girl , compliment her on her outfit or something
ask about her family

just carry on with your day to day conversations with each other and don't put any pressure on her to talk

[muggglewump]

Don't present them with chocolate biscuits on a be-doilied plate and quiz her on what her parents do for a living.

[mummyflood]

OK. So I should act normal. She is in DS2's year, but he doesn't actually 'know' her. Don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. He has said he will be keeping out of the way, bless him.

We have lots of photos on the wall of when DS's were younger, so cute!! Won't remove them though to spare his blushes - would leave awful mucky marks!!

His 2 best mates are both going out with Yr9 girls who are friends, they hang out a fair bit together. As I said, she doesn't get on with them - would be so much easier if she did, and I got to meet her as part of the 'group' first.

Guess I'd best not bake a cake!

[BritFish]

just chill, considering the age difference it might not last, as well as her not getting on with his friends...
best thing to do is make polite chitchat and leave alone!
oh and dont push food on her, i hated that when i was younger, if i say no once, i hated being forced to say no again because i felt so rude!

[Hassled]

You have to appear distant and un-meddly without seeming disinterested - it's surprisingly hard. If you're forced into polite conversation, just ask her about GCSE options - that's always a good one.

And don't get too attached and decide she will mother your grandchildren because then when she callously dumps your DS from a great height you will be devastated as well .

[mummyflood]

Thanks Britfish & Hassled. Keeping out of it sounds good to me! Given the age thing, not really being part of his circle, etc. is why I was thinking it may fizzle out sooner rather than later! Notwithstanding the fact that he has loads going on in his life - cadets twice a week & most weekends, including the next 5 consecutive ones taken up with a course, a three-day camping trip planned with his mates at Easter, loads of coursework, etc. etc. this is definitely a text/facebook courtship! Her Dad might hate him when he goes there for tea as well

[BritFish]

dont be daft, how could anyone hate your darrrrling boy?

[mummyflood]

BritFish, let's face it, he's a lanky, spotty, grunting 16yr old lad, she is Daddy's very blond, sweet, 14yr old daughter. WE know he's delightful but if she was my DH's 14yr old daughter, he would hate him on principle!!

[BritFish]

hahaha. oh mummyflood, he's doomed. doooomed i tell you!
let us know how it goes, this girl sounds mysteriously grumpy

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Bless!

I think my advice would be don't go overboard on the inanely grinning mum with cakes act.

My dd is 14 and she has a 16 year old boyfriend who she has been seeing a couple of weeks. Before he came round for tea dd said 'don't talk to him too much will you, mum' with a vaguely scared look in her eye.

Just say hello and pass the time of day like you would with any other of his friends.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

And, when dd has any friends round for dinner, I cook something quick and easy like lasagne/pizza, and let them eat it in front of the telly.

They do not need stitled family dinners with conversation with parents at this age.

[mummyflood]

Well folks...she's not coming now!! DS won't elaborate - says it's a long story, but basically he doesn't think she's allowed!!

I suspect the fizzling out has begun. It is looking like her parents have said to her that they are ok with her having a Yr11 boyfriend, but in practice they are preventing her from seeing him out of school. When I gently put this to him, he just said 'well, we will see, won't we?' I expect that he will realise it's not working soon when his 2 mates are seeing their girlfriends regularly, and in a group - eg last Saturday night at one of their houses - again she wasn't allowed.

Poor lad, the rocky road of romance and all that!!

[brimfull]

god all that angst for nowt

[tartyhighheels]

when i was 16 my boyfriend at the time took me to meet his mum... she met me and made me a cuppa and when he went to the loo, she cornered me and said 'if you ever get yourself pregnant to keep my son young lady.....'

don't do that please

[mummyflood]

Bloody hell tartyhighheels

[BritFish]

tartyhighheels
oh my god. that so terrifying/hilarious/brilliant.
WHY didnt i do that to my DS's first girlfriend!

[Tortington]

we have a radition when new gfs/bfs come to tea, i serve the food and as they are tucking in, i say sternly " shall we say grace?" they are at this point mortified,put down knife and fork and stop chewing...

we all then bow our heads and shout "GRACE!" which leaves them mortified and perplexed - but buves them about the measure of us quite quickly i feel

we all wet ourselves - its so funny

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Well if she or any other girlfriend ever does come round, don't shout "What are you DOING up there?" when they sneak upstairs for a quick snog quiet chat before tea.

And try not to ask too much about her parents? No matter how well-meaning, it always feels whether it's a judgement on whether they are "our kind of people"

[mummyflood]

Nice one Custardo.

Elephants - LOL, I had visions of her parents asking DS exactly those type of questions, they live on a very nice new estate on the other side of the village - large, expensive houses, whilst we live in the - ahem, - more modest area & have reasonably lowly jobs. Put it this way, they are going to Mexico for their hols whilst we will be lucky to manage a few days at the local seaside this year!