How to handle19 yearold DD

[spenny2]

My 19 year old DD did not do well in her Alevels. She took a year out to decide what to do. she worked in a fast food chain and has been there two years now. She pays board and has a car so is independent in some ways. In other ways she is like a young child. I suggest jobs or courses I see but need to motivate her and give lots of help to apply. So far she has had no luck moving forward. She has started to hang around with people from work and lost touch with old friens who went to uni 2 years ago. Its like she has lost her ambition and drive. She has started smoking and spends all her time when not working staying at various friends from work. She never wants to come home for meals or to sleep in her own bed. She doesnt have money to go out for meals or shop for clothes like she used to. She is aware that her old school friends have moved on and I wonder if she is making friends with these other people because she doesnt feel good enough to socialise with old friends. She says I nag her when she is home but I cant help it because I dont want her to be stuck in this possition forever. Any advice ? Is this normal?

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

I think you already know that you have to stop nagging her about her current situation

There is nothing you can say to her that she probably hasn't already realised for herself, and I would suspect her confidence has taken a nose dive as a result.

As hard as it may be for you to hold back, how about confounding her by suggesting she puts considering further education on hold for now , and extolling the benefit of doing an OU course instead, if and when she's ready?

Also , even though her job may be in a fast food outlet that doesn't necessarily mean it won't lead anywhere.When she's ready there may be management opportunities or skills she can transfer to bigger outlets or retailers.

You may need to coax her back into your company by doing something 'fun' together for a change, maybe a meal out, a trip to the pictures or the pub ( you know the sort of thing)

Anyway best of luck.My eldest matured a lot between 19 and 21.

[tatt]

Her friends have moved on because they are having different experiences so of course she needs to find other company. Stop nagging her, it doesn't help. Praise her for having a job and a car and ask her where she wants to go from here.

Did she choose the right A level subjects? Is there something else she might have got better results at? If she is in a fast food place is she studying their own NVQs? What does she actually enjoy doing?
Offer her support if she wants to do something different but don't try to rule her life for her.