Out of control 13 yr old

[yellowmellowX1223]

ok so we know that teenagers can be a handful at sometime or other but my ds2 is out of control and I'm not sure what I can do from here. His behaviour over the last year or so tbh has got worse
The problem with him is that if he doesn't get his way or is asked to do something that he doesn't like then he will fly into a temper swear and decide to 'go and live with my dad' We haven't had that for a while now but last week he was dictating to me what he was doing and when and how and basically if I didn't agree tough!!! This is ended after a couple of days with him pushing harder and harder into him losing all of his privileges inc his bike.
This has now made him uncontrollable to the point of him telling me to F' off or calling me names and being very aggressive towards me. He has gone to stay with his father but not been punished there so easy way out for him except no bike.
I don't know really where to go from here as he wont back down and I cant give in because I know that it will happen again. I am at my wits end now so any ideas please?

[escondida]

I don't have anything to say but I hate to see this sort of thing ignored.
What happens if you try to talk to him (about why he gets so angry) when he's in a good mood (is he ever in a good reasonable mood?)

[coldtits]

Send him to live with his dad, ad let his dad deal with his tantrums?

[yellowmellowX1223]

thank you escondida but I have tried several probably hundreds of times and he doesn't know. He just hates me and yes sending him to live with his dad would be an option however his dad is the problem mostly. He sets no boundarys lets his older brother smoke (even buys cigs for him) and has now (just found this out) let Ds2 smoke too. Does not work, lets them stay out til all hours and probably lots of other things that I hate. I should point out at this point that Ds1 left to live with his dad last year. Its not because I am a cruel horrible mum, its because they can do what they want. So if you were 14 its far more fun living with someone who's your 'mate' rather that living with your mum.

[desertmum]

Boys are sooo difficult aren't they ? Don't know what to suggest except to try and keep the communication going, keep telling him you love him even if you don't like his behaviour, explain you want the best for him, point out what he can get with a good education, exam grades, etc. and what is the result of not working at school. If he goes to live with is Dad let him know you will always be there for him, he can come back anytime. He may wake up and smell the coffee and realise the way his older brother and Dad live isn't necessarily the best way.

I didn't believe people when they told me how painful childbirth is and I didn't believe them when they told me how difficult it is to parent teens . . . . ha should have listened more. One day at a time.Hope it gets sorted.