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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Moody DS who shouts

10 replies

honeytoast · 08/03/2010 12:52

Really dont know what to do (know what I would like to do) but my DS15 moods lately have got worse where to the point if i say anything to him that he doesnt like he turns round starts shouting at me telling me to F off, what the F do I know and last night he grab hold of my arm and made a red mark. What advise would you give me.

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mumblechum · 08/03/2010 13:20

Get your dh to come down on him like a ton of bricks?

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honeytoast · 08/03/2010 14:52

I am a single parent I am afraid and DS father doesnt have any thing to do with him

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lairymum99 · 08/03/2010 19:39

Honey, first off take comfort in the fact that you're not alone - I have a teenage monster too, and I'm sure there are many more out there!

Some advice I was given: don't follow him into his room/cave/hovel when you're having an argument. Apparently it provokes them into lashing out. I have the bruises to prove it.

Is he bigger/taller/stronger than you? Are you a liberal mum? Does he see himself as the man in the house? Any siblings? Just trying to get some context b4 offering tuppence worth :-)

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honeytoast · 09/03/2010 11:55

Yes I suppose I am quite liberal, he has got older friends so on a weekend I give him abit of room to move as during the week he is home early and I always know where he is. Yes he has got a young brother of 12 and I do think that he thinks he is man of the house.

I am sure that there is alot of other teenagers out there that are the same. it just makes me sad to think my baby has grown up to be like that.

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lairymum99 · 09/03/2010 12:54

I feel for you, but boys DO grow up and it can be a wonderful thing to see them take their first steps in an adult world. Guess it'll take a while to get there though...

IMHO, the problem can be summed up in one word: testosterone.

As a single mother, and if this is the first time he has lashed out to you verbally, you have a choice - let him get away with it now and he'll be calling you names and worse for years to come, or come down hard on him NOW and set down a marker for acceptable/unacceptable behaviour, language etc.

Wish I'd done that with me DS15. Have learnt the hard way that no dad + soft mum = no authority. Good luck!

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honeytoast · 10/03/2010 10:13

I have stopped his allowance going in to his account and I told him next time you lash out I will call the police.

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lairymum99 · 10/03/2010 15:36

Wow, that's one helluva strong signal you're sending. If you can follow through (God knows I hope you never have to), should he ever call your bluff, he'll never mess you around again.
Result! x

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gonnabehappy · 10/03/2010 16:23

And... remember when it comes to follow through that the Police are generally very happy to come and have a word without anything being official. You son need not know that it is informal unless you choose. Devious moi?

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honeytoast · 10/03/2010 22:21

Well said happy. Hopefully I wont have to do it but I will if I have to as I have bought him up better than that. At the moment he is being the nice lad that I know.

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GardenPath · 15/03/2010 02:07

The last time I (single parent), in high dudgeon, sent my eldest DS to his room was when he was 15 (he's 28 now ). He was 6'4" and built like the proverbial. I'm 5'4". He bent down and said, in his deep, just-broken voice 'Say please.!' I burst out laughing and he couldn't help but smile in spite of himself. He still went to his room, though. I know exactly what you mean about the moodiness, you can't do right for doing wrong, can you? And boys seem to take ages to grow out of it. And when they're so much bigger than you, potentially you have a dodgy situation, domestic violence in fact, though we can't bear to think such a thing about our babies. Confrontation is best avoided for a start, I never nagged him (much) about his room, for instance, and I never cleaned it myself - if he wanted to live like a pig in shit so be it (and he would muck out occasionally) - but hitting him in the allowance is a good one. As Lairymum said, he's full of testosterone (Chemical Weapon of Mass Destruction), or 'piss 'n' vinegar' as my own mum used to call it, and it's a hard thing (for him) to handle, he's only a baby after all, love him. He really ought to be in the Saxon Long House with a lot of other lads, having all that P & V used up on hard, physical activity but, sadly and foolishly, we don't do that any more. It always amused and amazed me, Harry Enfield and his 'Kevin and Perry' sketches; he got them off pat. I was/am a very liberal mum, but - no - and all my sons' (and daughters', for that matter) friends behave/d impeccably in my house, and there was often at least a dozen at a time (even the one with severe ADHD was never anything other than a proper young gentleman - to the amazement of his mum) with the utmost respect to me, (god help them otherwise) and it was often mooted, between mums, that perhaps we should kid-swap. Not really a serious proposition (I'd miss my lovely, placid, wonderful, never-had-a-tantrum, laid-back-practically-to-the-point-of-unconciousness, last-born and last remaining at home 14 year old ds; I've never had one like this before!)....but interesting none the less. However, forgive me, back to your problem, if your lovely boy loses his rag to the point of violence on any regular basis, sadly, for your own protection, you will have to call the rozzers, or at least, your local rozzer, for them to have just 'a word' as a shock tactic. Would they be willing to do this? Without taking it further and 'out of your hands' if you didn't want it? That's what I'd worry about, tbh. Ring 'em and ask. You have to realise you are entitled to live in your own home without the threat of violence and he has to realise what he is doing, i.e. leaving you with marks on your arm, is violence - though I bet he was sorry even if he didn't say so, wasn't he? If he was a grown man, any violence at any time would be entirely unacceptable but he's a sixteen yr old boy and just learning how to deal with it all (life), so, and because he's your baby, you're bound to make certain allowances - I did. (And they, literally, don't know their own strength - it all happens so quickly). And because you're his mother and he lives with you, you're first in the firing line. It's really a matter of outwitting the little bastards darlings, using a little kidology. If he's your eldest, you're both on a learning curve but You are the Adult. This does not automatically give you any authority, it just gives you the Advantage - oh, and all the responsibility. Therefore, use that Advantage to your, well, advantage. You?re older, you?re wiser ? you?re tireder - you have to....

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