Promiscuous dd

[TammyAnne72]

Hopefully my acronym is right, it means 'daughter' yes? I've been scouring the forums for hours trying to find a similar situation to what I'm in. This is my first post in all my seventeen years of being a parent...

I came home early from work the other day. I was supposed to working til 11pm, so my 17 yr old only daughter (and child) had her friend over. I phoned her earlier that evening for a little girly night, they just said that they were drinking rose wine spritzers and chatting while their nails dried. I like hearing about all that, keeps me young and all.

However, wasn't quite prepared for what they were talking about. I came in through the back door as there was nowhere to park, she didn't hear me coming. I was already to shout down the hallway 'Hi girls!' and if they wanted a takeaway but just before I spoke my daughter's friend shouted 'oh! you SLUT!' and bursted into a fit of giggles. I heard my daughter join in. I lingered in the hallway and waited to hear what was going on.

I found out so many things within 2 minutes that has just changed my view of my dd.

1- She is on the pill, I didn't think she'd even know where to get it and she'd come to me when she was ready to have sex.
2- She is extremely sexually active and gets to know young men purely for the prospect of sex 'without all that relationship bollocks'
3- She is sleeping with HER MANAGER at work.
4- She is very very 'experienced'.

I'm clueless on what to do. I never spoke to her about sex at all apart from telling her when she got her period at 10 that she could now have children, so not to have sex. I thought she was above this! How did she even know how to get it?

I would be so much more happier if she had the mindset one of those dopey girls I meet at work everyday (I work on an abortion/gyno ward) who think that just because her boyfriend's sleep with them that they love them! She is instead being morally corrupt and sleeping around just for the kick she gets out of it...I feel ill. I would have never been like that at her age.

She is studious, beautiful and despite her vile sexual behaviour extremely kind hearted- I can see why these young men like her. I know her boss, he's a respectable young guy of 22 and because she's of age I can't go to the police, but I don't know why she's so stupid to get involved with someone in that position! She could lose her job over it!

I feel ill. She doesn't know I heard them. She's walking about with no make up on and her pyjamas as I type this, I can see her baby face and she looks so young and innocent. I am at my wits end.

[LaurieFairyCake]

She is not young and innocent - she sounds like a normal 17 year old who has a good attitude to life.

Get a grip and talk to her about protecting herself physically and EMOTIONALLY.

She sounds fantastic - you clearly have done a great job

[mii]

'despite her vile sexual behaviour'

I'm gonna shout troll now

[compo]

it's fantastic that she is on the pill

I'm surprised you are so shocked tbh!

[LaurieFairyCake]

'despite her vile sexual behaviour'

I suggest you calm down and think non-judgementally before you talk to her (even if you have strong objections to sex before marriage or something)

[cordonbleugh]

her behaviour is not "vile" She can have sex with whoever she likes, whenever she likes!

She is obviously being sensible by taking contraception and knows that sex doesn't always equal love - something that I didn't know when I was 16/17/18 and sleeping around, desperate for someone to 'want' me.

Don't be such a prude, there's no need to feel ill ffs

[Chaotica]

Pleeeeese - are you actually shocked. She sounds quite sensible and responsible to me (and normal). Get a grip.

(Although I'm not sure that a real person could actually type this post...)

[Mongolia]

It is natural that she has not talked to you about the pill, these are things you don't tell your mum, but if it helps, she may have got them from a Family Planning Clinic and with that, also got a good talk on safe sex awareness from a nurse or a doctor.

As for being extremely experienced...Perhaps she is just the average teenager, who has had sex, not much, but it is enjoying an afternoon of teenage bravado? At 17 years, the mere idea of not being a virgin anymore would feel as being a experienced woman, with time, you realise that there's far more to it than you first imagined.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[posieparker]

You never talked to her about sex, really? So if you don't tell her she won't do it?

I talked to my Mum about everything, but it was a two way thing...I knew that I could talk.

[brimfull]

I am surprised that others think that sleeping around is normal behaviour for teenage girls. I dont think it is acceptable behaviour for anyone at any age -maybe I am a prude.

I think you should talk to her about her sexual behaviour. At least she is protected but if she was my dd I would be talking to her about respecting herself ,same if it was a boy.

[MiffyWhinge]

promiscuous is a horrible word, particularly when all you mean is sexually active, but not as offensive as 'bursted' in your OP

[BitOfFun]

This is the same troll as last night, right?

[StephysFamous]

I fell pregnant with DD when I was her age, I can say it is sadly normal behaviour for girls her age in my area and yes, I did speak to my Mum about sex.
She could also be exaggerating to impress her friend.
Kids get told in school about contraception and how to get it, I don't understand why you are so shocked. As you stated she is of age, I'm not surprised she won't talk to you about sex. Would you use your job to tell her how bad sex is?
Many parents seem to forget that girls want to have sex too.

[Tortington]

i don't know why it's 'vile' sexual behaviour as long as shes happy with it - shes being safe about it with regards to pregnancy, she has friends to talk to

the only problem here is your sexual outlook.

[Tortington]

maybe a little motherly advice on how stupid it is to fuck your manager cos it will invariably end in her losing her job

oh and condoms

apart from that its all good man, all good!

[mamazon]

SHe is on the pill and perfectly happy n what she is doing so why do you feel you need to do anything.

there are some girls who have incredibly low self esteem and use sex to make boys like them. it doesn't seem as though your dd is one of them.

she is clearly very clear in what she wants and how she lives her life.

you could always have a chat with her about sexual safety and making sure she remembers that pregnancy is the only thing the pill prevents, STI's should still be considered with every partner.

her behaviour is vile to you. i think you need to stop judging her by your own morals.

[mathanxiety]

I never spoke to her about sex at all apart from telling her when she got her period at 10 that she could now have children, so not to have sex. I thought she was above this! How did she even know how to get it? -- This is called irresponsible parenting.

She is instead being morally corrupt and sleeping around just for the kick she gets out of it...I feel ill. I would have never been like that at her age. -- Would you really prefer if she were to show up on the abortion ward, all naive and brokenhearted?

despite her vile sexual behaviour extremely kind hearted- I can see why these young men like her. I know her boss, he's a respectable young guy of 22 -- There is no such thing as a respectable young guy of 22.

I don't know why she's so stupid to get involved with someone in that position! She could lose her job over it! -- He is more likely to lose his job over it, actually.

On the offchance that you are not winding people up here, it's now time to stop thinking of sex as vile, take a deep breath, and start talking to your DD, and listening to what she has to say, about sex, and relationships.

[AMumInScotland]

I am going to assume that you are real, though that's taking a stretch of the imagnation...

If you have never spoken to her about sex, why did you assume that she would "come to you" about it when she was ready to have sex? You have made it clear to her that you don't want to talk to her about that subject - you should count yourself lucky that she has had the sense to get contraceptive advice from the GP of family planning clinic.

If you believe that sex for pleasure is "vile" and "morally corrupt" then I would guess that your daughter has realised this and would not want to have an argument with you about it. So instead she has got good advice elsewhere and is making her own choces without involving you. What did you expect would happen if you let her get to 17 without discussing these things?

[cory]

Your style is just sooo typical of a real mum with a 17yo dd, these comments ring sooo true:

"I phoned her earlier that evening for a little girly night, they just said that they were drinking rose wine spritzers and chatting while their nails dried. I like hearing about all that, keeps me young and all."

"I'm clueless on what to do. I never spoke to her about sex at all apart from telling her when she got her period at 10 that she could now have children, so not to have sex."





and did I mention ?

[SpringHeeledJack]

[DorotheaPlenticlew]

Sorry OP, not plausible at all I'm afraid. Better luck next time, eh?

[SolidGoldBrass]

You're a saddo, OP, and sexually dysfunctional. That applies whether you're a hairy handed trucker obsessed with young women's sexuality, or a silly judgmental bitch whose duaghter knows not to tell you anything.

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

Troll troll troll.

You'd rather your own daughter was a 'dope' on a gynae ward (nice attitude to your patients, btw) than 'studious and kind,' - all negated by the fact she's having sex at 17 with - shock horror - a 22 yo bloke.

And 'keeps me young and all' - twat.