15yo dd won't go to hairdressers on her own

[Orlando]

She asked me to make an appointment. I made an appointment. I reminded her when it was time to go and she went to get ready. And then had a small meltdown when she realised I wasn't intending to go with her.

We live in a pretty small town and the hairdressers is literally 5 mins walk from our house, and I haven't gone with her the last twice that she's been. However, apparently on those occasions she arranged for friends to go and sit with her while she was having her hair cut, to avoid having to make conversation with the hairdresser and looking 'like a right saddo with no friends.'

I understand that the teenager is basically a pack animal and that it might be nicer to go with someone else, but her complete refusal to even countenance walking down the street on her own and then sitting in the hairdressers and have to make polite conversation with someone she doesn't know that well (in order to get the haircut that she wanted!) took me by surprise. I feel this is a basic social skill that she should be prepared to take on at this age... Am I asking too much??

[LouIsOnAHighwayToHell]

Is there a problem with one of the hairdressers? Is she scared of someone nearby?
If there are no other issues apart from the fact that none of her mates are with her then I would tell her to stop being silly. I send DC aged 10 by himself (up the road) and he is capable of getting a haircut (very sensible child - 10 going on 45).
If she can't go to the hairdresser alone then obvioulsy she can't go to the shops/movies/put with her mates then.

[Bleatblurt]

Tell her to take a book or magazine so she doesn't have to make small talk. I'm 29 and still don't go to the hairdressers alone

[Orlando]

Ha- Lou, that's exactly what I said! If she's not old enough to go to hairdressers on her own she'd better come into town with me on a Saturday too.

I do agree with Butterball though - hairdresser isn't top of my 'favourite ways to spend a day' list, but it's just one of those things that you have to deal with as you get older (and want your grey roots touching up). I've noticed she has an aversion to talking to anyone she doesn't know - got her 9 year old sister to ask for a knife for her in a restaurant the other day. Magazine is a great idea though. Will suggest that next time. (She can make the appointment herself too.)

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.

[Mems]

You should hear the conversations in our house in the morning if DD1's friend phones to say she's not calling in for her on the way to school - pleas for lifts (we live 10 mins walk - well 20 if you're a dawdling teen - and it would take longer to drive than walk!!) or to stay off school herself. Apparently only loners walk to school on their own. And am under strict instructions not to mention to any of her friends that I sometimes go for a coffee on my own. Or that I've been to see films on my own too. Saddest mother on the planet apparently!

[webwiz]

DD1 had a freakout about going to the hairdressers by herself at Christmas - she's 18 and had just done her first term at university.

There must be a lot of scary hairdressers out there.

[Orlando]

Same here Mems. What would they have done in the days before mobile phones? My dd is glued to hers from 8am onwards as she makes sure that she has all her friends in place for the walk to school. (Think she wouldn't be in the least surprised that I go for coffee on my own. Like, WHO would WANT to go with me?

Webwiz, I'm not sure if that's a comfort or not! Was hoping this was going to be a shortlived phase... Did your dd mind doing stuff like that before, or do you think that being away at Uni has made her more insecure? Has she ever had a part time job or anything? My dd is so odd about connecting to people she doesn't know we sometimes joke about her getting a Saturday job as a waitress. ('I'm sorry - are you talking to me? Get your own cup of tea.')

[webwiz]

DD1 was always a bit nervous about situations where you "have to speak to random people". She had a Saturday job in a shop for two years where she was polite and friendly to customers (I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself ) She has settled well and made loads of friends at university but still can't stand any one on one situations where you might have to talk to someone you don't want to. Chatty taxi drivers are another bugbear apparently!