Need advice, telling attention seeking lies

[CarGirl]

DD is 13 and in the summer told some whopping lies for attention - that she had been stabbed by her father as a child, that she was suicidal are just 2 examples . Of course she got found out and is now receiving counselling and I am endeavouring to give her more positive attention.

However she has just done it again. Claimed to new acquaintance at school via text that she had been beaten by my dh and had needed hospital treatment. On the positive side she confessed up to me so it wasn't a shock when I got a phone call from social services and from that point of view it is all sorted IYSWIM.

So dd says she doesn't know why she does it but perhaps to make herself seem more interesting to others .

I have suggested/told her that she needs to do a written apology to this friend where she confesses and then apologises and to his Mum. She is supposed to be going out for the day tomorrow with a group of friends, I have warned her I'm not so sure about it now. I am going to discuss the latest escapde with her dad and my dh.

Anyone been through this in the past? Any ideas whether the letter writing is appropriate and how about her day out tomorrow? I'm not sure that stopping her seeing her friends will actually achieve anything IYSWIM as clearly this is more of a deep seated issue to do with our relationship I suspect.

I am currently upset but calm so haven't ranted and raved at her.

[webwiz]

I went through a phase of this when I was a child I was much younger than your DD though. The most embarrassing was when I told my teacher my mum was having another baby when she wasn't. Of course she did mention it to my mum who was at me. I was just desperate to have some attention - my DB who was younger than me had health problems so I had to take a back seat at home and I felt no one took much notice of me at school either.

The problem with older children doing it is their friends get fed up with it. DD1 had a girl in her class who told everyone her mum had breast cancer when she didn't. All the girls rallied round and comforted her but they weren't very happy when it came out that it was a lie.

Your DD is obviously craving attention for some reason and I would talk to her about that. Is the counselling helping her? Perhaps it is a self esteem issue as well in that she doesn't feel very interesting.

[CarGirl]

DD is well aware that her it is doing her no favours with her friends. She has a group of friends that she made last term and she hasn't told lies to any of them so has had a fresh start in that sense there, it's seems to happen with potential friends.

I think it is a very deep set habit, we ignored the attention seeking lies when she was younger - in hindsight perhaps that was the wrong approach.

Do you think the confession and apology is appropriate/suitable??????

I feel so weary with tbh

[CarGirl]

The latest one was that dh had beaten up and cracked 3 ribs and coxyx and she needed hospital treatment.......I think she can rationalise that is a complete and utter lie

I think her issue is the poor emotional bond between us. So probably self esteem issues thrown in there too.

They are whopping lies not exaggeration of the truth IYSWIM