13yo DSD sexual contact...

[VICSTEVE]

I have just found out from one of her half brothers that my 13yo DSD has been having sexual contact with her boyfriend down the local field (not full sex but not far off). When confronted apparently this is what all girls her age do and if it goes to far she will 'just get pregnant innit'.

We have talked to her about sex and the importance of respecting yourself and waiting and it seems to have gone in one ear and out the other, she just doesn't care. Does anyone else out there have experience of how to deal with this?

[Thandeka]

Does she know that sexual contact is illegal under 16 not just penetrative sex? Is she aware you can still get sti's and pregnant from sexual contact (dependent on contact obv) and as they are not planning to have sex then they will be unlikely to use condoms to protect themselves. My advice would be talk to her as an adult offer to take her to a young persons clinic. Talk to her about how she sees herself losing her virginity and what she wants the lifelong memories of that being. Ie. In a field may not be the best memory! Find out how old the boyfriend is and whether there are drink/drugs involved. She is currently embarking on adult experiences and if you take away control from her and treat her like a child you may find she rebels against it so do try and keep calm and treat her like an adult but that doesn't mean you can't register your disapproval but try to ensure she knows it it because you love her and want what's best for her not because she disgusts you with those actions iyswim? Good luck!

[Thandeka]

Sorry rereading op sounds like she may need additional support in terms of female self esteem building etc. It may be worth contacting your local teen pregnancy unit to see if they are offering any tp prevention programs she could get involved in. Also there is a sexwise helpline and ruthinking website that may help her. May also be worth contacting her school to discuss it to see about helping her to raise her self esteem etc. although this may also backfire in terms of your relationship with her.

[honeyandlemon]

This is going to sound awful - but she is 13 - why is she not at home? I don't intend to sound holier than thou or prudish (and I am neither) but I don't get how she has the opportunity? At the end of the day she is a child - both eotionally and legally and this is dangerous for her. Sorry to b blunt. I also absolutely agree with raising her self esteem. Potentially pregnant at 13/14 - scary stuff!