Eleven Year Old Son Stealing my Money

[rocketone]

I'm a full time single dad with 11 year old son. We have a really good relationship and people have always commented on what a good job I'm doing etc and what a charmingly well behaved guy he is etc. HMMMmmm

But I do have some problems and I badly need advice.

The problem right now is him helping himself to money from my wallet.

I really can't afford this as I am on benefits and at complete financial rock bottom like you wouldn't believe !

I know all kids will nick things a bit at some time, but this is out of hand.

I have caught him before (£10 gone) and made a diplomatic & vague approach which was successful because it enabled him to easily admit to it after first denying it.

But in order for him to be able to do this he made it into a bit of a joke by saying that he had 'only borrowed' the money and would pay it back.

I have used the same kind of diplomacy with him helping himself to other domestic items that he shouldn't i.e. polishing off all the cake/biscuits/whatever or right now he can't stop himself from endlessly helping himself to the crystalised fruit I am making and because it takes a couple of weeks to make and there will be absolutely nothing of it left when it is finished because he has nicked it all.

You all know that sort of thing, kids do it all the time. Except my son is more persistent than most ! Incorrigable really.

However, back to money. I did come across all strong about stealing the money, while I am obviously more lenient about nicking other things.

So imagine my horror when I found he had taken £19 this morning and £10 a few days ago. This despite me darkly hinting that I was aware money had been evaporating from my wallet !

I now have to get serious about this. What is the best way of dealing with it so it doesn't ever happen again ?

I've already given all the right speeches about stealing and he knows just how wrong it is. He also knows I'm broke etc.

So what next ?

Other than chopping both his hands off as a punishment.

By the way, although I have a reputation as a strong and dominant character who doesn't take crap from anyone, even kids I have never really needed to be big on punishment. Possibly because I have a good empathy with kids (being just a big kid myself, I suppose).

Help !!!

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

I would sit down with him and explain (again) why you can't afford for him to take money and why it is so bad - loses the trust between you, the feeling of being a team etc and how that is worth more than money. I would combine that with a target, eg if he is good on this issue from now on perhaps you could increase his pocket money? How much does he get now?

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I would stop hinting, tbh, and come down really hard on this one. (We, too, had this from DS1 when he was 16, so I know how much of a betrayal it is).

I would also, though, be anxious to find out what he needs the money for. That's a lot of money for an eleven year old to be going through. I don't want to worry you, but my concern would be that if he's not just using it to buy a lot of stuff for himself, that he's buying stuff to impress others at school or, worse, he's being forced to do so, or to give money to others - bullying, in other words. I'd also want to be sure that alcohol/drugs aren't involved.

(I know that sounds sensationalist, but you need to get to the bottom of this just to make absolutely sure).

And I'd second cirrhosis - maybe he needs a little more pocket money?

Good luck. It's a horrible thing to go through.

[rocketone]

Thanks for the advice.

I doubt if it's alcohol/drugs. He appears to have a healthy attitude about that one - but you never know how much the manipulating little buggers really pull the wool over your eyes about just about everything !

I'm pretty sure he is using the money to impress others, but I doubt if he is being bullied for it. He's not the type - I don't think.

Our old wooden (once very good) toboggan broke the other day as I went over a mini ski jump on a hill and flew into the air to land Keystone cops style with a crash of splintered wood and about 200 people laughing their heads off at this white haired geriatric OAP fooling around like a teenager.

My son told me toboggans were being sold for £16 at the local toyshop. that's why he took the money, but I haven't yet discussed it with him or told him I know etc. I am counting to ten first. And seeking advice on how to handle it (as it is a repeat offence).

I caught him out real good with the extra special chocolates my daughter had bought for me at Christmas and loudly instructed him in front of everybody not to eat a single one even if I offered, as the little darling already had a lorry load of his own sweets anyway and these chocolates were special. They were !

He did help himself , even though I then hid the box, and he took the star chocolate of which there was only one, and it was the only liqueur chocolate and it had rum in.

So I said nothing and wrote a little note which I placed in the now empty box which said 'you have been found out'.

He had another go at the box today and volunteered to tell me he had seen the note because he thought it was so funny he couldn't keep it to himself.