My 13 yo son lives in filth

[katnkittens]

His room is VILE

I have 2 younger DDs (11 and 6) and another dd on the way and he does nothing to help out. Even my 6 year old dd helps to tidy her room but DS doesn't listen.

Now and again I give him a bin bag and ask him to tidy but he superficially does a bit and then leaves it.

I have been through his room and blitzed it a few times but it lasts a week and is minging again so I now refuse to go in there...

Banana skins and apple cores seem to be the main offenders

He also refuses to shower unless I physically go into his room and stand there until he enters the bathroom. I have to check to make sure he has changed his boxers... I do this hoping the embarrassment will make him change more often but it doesn't... BTW I have never noticed him 'smelling' so I obviously get him in the shower often enough but it drives me mad that I have to tell him to do it.

(sigh)

He is a lovely boy in every other respect, gives me no trouble, possibly because all he does is grunt and give me the occasional cuddle

Does anyone else miss their little boys

Anyway, the point is, we are moving house in a few weeks and I am am on a mission to make my son keep his room tidy and himself clean. All 4 DCs (including yet to be born dd3) will have their own rooms and I can't be on their backs all the time with a new baby.

Any ideas? He loves his computer and karate classes, maybe I should have a room inspection (for the 3 older ones) once a week or something and if it's a mess they lose an activity that week?

Please tell me my son is not the only one in the world.............

[katnkittens]

pmsl
yeah. He's 5'9 with size 9 feet. He'll take a whole bag up there and devour it

[HellBent]

lol at korma and eating fruit!

I'm keeping an eye on this as DS 5 doesn't like washing, I was hoping he'd grow out of it, so will be looking for tips

[lilolilmanchester]

he's definitely not the only one... doesn't make it right tho. Constant battle with our DS, can't wait til he's got his own place and we will get our own back !!!

[MaureenMLove]

In one of DD's calmer, nicer moments today (you know the ones. Where you are relatively sure they are in a good mood, but you still approach with caution?)

I told her that her bedroom really was becoming a health and social hazzard. I went so far as to tell her what things might be sleeping in her bed with her and that said bugs, would make her itch and she'd get spots and red rashes. OK, so I embellished a bit, but hey, needs must! I told her that her health would start to suffer and that she's get eczema and asthma, because of all the dust and filth in the air. I even suggested that she should watch Aggie and Kim a bit more closely, especially the lab results bit!

It seemed to work. Her bedroom is a vision of loveliness this evening and smells wonderfully clean! Can't guarantee it'll last much past the weekend, but just maybe I'm chipping away at the grotty teenager in her!

[thirdisbest]

My DS who is 3 weeks off being 13 is a nightmare and is just hitting that "i dont give a shit" phase. But, I make sure he tidies his room every Sunday.

And I check it when it is finished and if it isnt done properly then we do it all over again.... god I am turning into my very own mum!!

I make sure he kisses me goodnight before he goes to bed every night. I know he is getting older but he also knows that I dont want him to disappear to that "I dont give a shit" hole that means I don't hardly ever speak to him again. IYSWIM!!! I need for him to know that although he is getting older it doesnt mean I love him any less.

[katnkittens]

Hahahaha

I really don't think that would work on my DS MML. Maybe on one of the girls but DS would rather sleep woth bugs than get off his arse and tidy his room.

Like I say we are moving in 3 weeks. I am absolutely dreading what I might find when we start packing up his room.

My dd aged 11 is positively Mary Poppins in her desire for a tidy room, sadly she shares with her sister who is 6 and fond of leaving barbies everywhere.. can't wait for them all to have their own rooms (sorry am excited about house move after 5 years in 3 bed tiny box).

Nice to know my DS is not the only one.

He is a nice lad really bless him. I had 2 brothers and remember going into their rooms in the morning and there was always a distinctive 'boy sweat' smell. DS' room has that now

I'm still mourning the loss of my little boy.

[katnkittens]

Yeah third... he just came down for 4 slices of dry bread and I made him give me a cuddle and I told him I love him and he said it back

I just need to work on the domestic side of things....

[thirdisbest]

God, katnkittens, I am worried sick my "baby" wont remember how much I love him coz I think when they get to a certain age you forget the love and remember the crap they leave behind.

I wont let him forget the love, I wont! But the domestic side of things. 13 years old?? Good luck with that!

[katnkittens]

He WILL be cuddled!!!

To be fair, although he doesn't speak much he always comes downstairs after the girls and DH have gone to bed (I stay up late) and lies beside me on the sofa for a bit of a hug. That's our time together, he's my only DS and my PFB so will always be my baby.

Poor thing will soon have 3 sisters... he was mortified that his mother was pregnant but somewhat placated by me telling him it might be a brother.... he was devastated a few weeks ago when we found out another girl was on the way....

[Standbyme]

Oh bless him! As the mother of a 17 y/o DS my heart goes out to you both. You have to keep repeating my mantra which is "it's just a phase, it's just a phase..."

Some things I have discovered along the way:-
at 13 they are growing in every sense and trying to make sense of all the new feelings/emotions/hormones they are experiencing. It's a really tough time for u all. He is still your baby underneath but he is finding it hard to behave like it.

On the showering thing - you just need to hang on until GIRLS hit his radar. We went through this phase and now we can't get DS out of the sodding shower

On the bedroom thing - lol and good luck! I can't say for all his new-found cleanliness that DS's room is any better. I've given up now and just don't go in there too often. There's a lot of truth in the saying that you can stand your own dirt but not other people's. So, if it bothers you that much, try leaving a few pairs of yours and your DDs' dirty pants around in his room and see how he likes it.

On the hugging thing - he may reject that as well as they start to feel that all female contact is too close and almost inappropriate somehow. If that happens, hug from behind! I regularly sneak up on DS whilst he is engrossed in his computer (like all the time ) and put my arms round him and kiss his head. He seems to tolerate that quite well and I'm forever telling him that I love him. I usually only get a grunt in return but I know he likes it.

Remember - "it's just a phase, it's just a phase..."!

[malovitt]

I agree with Standbyme.

An amazing transformation occurred with 13yr old DS when girls appeared on the scene, we have to fight him to get into the bathroom now.

Ummm - the smell of Lynx... (gag)

[Standbyme]

lol at malovitt and the lynx. Wish I'd bought shares in it years ago - if only I'd known.

[larry5]

Dd has recently got a boyfriend whose mother has said that her 19 year old ds suddenly decided that he needed his room tidy and it has been that way for the last 2 months. They mostly get there in the end.

[mumeeee]

Normal teenage thing. DD3 17 still has to be reminded to tidy her room. I just leave her to it most of the time.

[inthesticks]

Agree with Standbyme about the girl thing. Unfortunately he may reach the whiffy stage before that.
My DS1 is now in the Lynx phase and has a GF. He is 14 tomorrow.
However much he showers and sprays himself though, his room still smells very strongly of teenage boy. Eau-de-testosterone I guess.

[desertmum]

LOL at this - my ds lives quite happily in total squalor - then something comes along that he really really wants to do and the trade off is a clean bedroom. I refuse to enter the room and the cleaner is not allowed to touch it.

I laugh a lot as he wants to join the RAF - I've told him he'd get kicked out if he kept his room like that in the forces . . . One day he will learn.

But he is still my lovely boy who will happily give me a hug in public - a friend commented recently on how nice it is that my children are openly affectionate with me - so desite the fact they hate me half the time and I am apparently the strictest mum around I must be doing something right . . .

That hard wiring of mother love was obviously set for the teenage years - the hardest yet!

[Scowl]

fruit is awful
we have a nightmare with dd and her unsavoury underwear etc
fruit peelings pips cores all under the bed etc
all the boys are lovely and clean - her room just depresses me- occasionally i give in and do it but with a lot of other dcs its impossible to give it the time it needs...

have decided today to stop ironing her stuff]

no point

she sleeps with crockery in the bed

[oxocube]

How funny - my ds (14)is scrupulously clean and showers twice a day, wears clothes once then throws them in the wash but 12 yr old dd is much less particular. She is beginning to improve but I dread to think what lives under her bed

[desertmum]

oh it's only his room that's horrid, ds showers every day, changes underwear, clothes every day etc. just his room is pretty squalid. It amazes me that he can come out of it looking and smelling so nice :0

[DecorHate]

I'm glad it's not just me dd then! (not quite 13) Was about to start a thread asking what I could do to get her to tidy her room but seems the consensus is to leave then to it?

All her clothes seem to live on the floor - when I nag her enough she just dumps them all in the washbasket - some have probably not been worn since they were last washed . And then she wonders why she is always running out of tights, etc...

[alarkaspree]

I'd pick a few things that are completely unacceptable to you and try to overlook the rest - so if it were me I'd say that the food is a health hazard and could attract rodents or bugs, so he absolutely must clear out any food before the end of every day. If he doesn't then do it yourself but charge him at £10/hour by docking his pocket money. And everything else affects only him as long as you don't let it bother you - so if he wants to smell and wear dirty pants, let him.

[lljkk]

If I was moving in 3 weeks I'd start tackling the room now, you don't want it as a last-minute nightmare stress. Maybe do this with him or without him -- but start packing up what you can of his now. Any clothes he won't need, books, keepsakes, etc.

[SleighGirl]

I find letting them have only the bare minimum of stuff helps and I'm quite strict on the no food upstairs rule.....