I'm so sad all the time

[deelee]

does anyone else feel that they can't go on?
My problem is with my 14 year old son. He is making our lives a misery, he is so nasty to me and I feel I can't bear it any more. He beats up his younger brother regularly, turns our house upside down, in fact this a really long story, and words can't really describe how I feel. I'm sure there are others with similar problems. What I want to know is how to cope with the hurt, as no-one seems to understand or believe how bad I feel.

[essbee]

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[deelee]

Thanks for the suggestion - already tried them, they were very unhelpful, as they were more interested in other issues, because my husband had smacked him, and I felt nobody understood that we were desperate, but not bad people, and not bad parents either, however I am really glad that you found them helpful, and I don't want to discourage others from calling them, but I feel that in our case the circumstances may have been too complicated.
regards

[ggglimpopo]

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[throckenholt]

sounds like you son has got something he is very unhappy about. Can you arrange for him to have counselling - so that he can talk through with an impartial person why he is so agressive. Hopefully they would be able to help him get things in perspective and finds ways of dealing with what is upsetting him. Once he has it straight in his own head then probably you will be able to talk things through rationally with him.

And maybe at the same time you could have some counselling to - on how to cope with him when he is in that mood, and how to help him.

Hope you work things out soon.

[Tortington]

know how you feel completely - they break your heart don't they? i am lucky that my husband is still stronger than he is - becuase without this i dread to think what he woudl think he could get away with.

i phoned social services and asked them to take him away - htey told me he was my responsability til 18 - 18!!! they don't pay fckin child benefit til 18 if they are not in education - why still my responsability?

we found our solution was grounding and stick to it. we do it a month at a time. he then goes out gets stoned and then gets grounded for another month - thing is we know its going to happen and this way hes only out with the street dckheads 12 days a year!!

sometimes we have a rebellion, then we just explain that its is doing mot ours. everytime he does something stupid whilst on the grounding we add a week - not a month. as you have to give them a little hope.

also do remember money is power - you have they don't tell em to get a paper round. that means no new school bag no new trainers, no bag of crisp on a saturday - if he's treating you less thn the shit on the bottom of his shoe - its about time you showed him who is still boss about the place.

hope this helps!!!! if not you can try the fcuk it attitude and just ask them to roll you a joint

[cornflake]

I have felt at times I can't go on with my situation (a 14 year old stepson). Is there any way you can have a break from each other? I have gone to my parents for a few days a couple of times. It helps me take stock and come back refreshed and with renewed patience and understanding to go on. Do you have a partner and is he supportive? Could he take him out to give you some space?

[tinkabell]

Oh darling I think the real s* hits the fan at 14..They try to test boundries HARD. Hormones,peer pressure etc etc..I had it for over 2 years with my son.

Im sure my situation will help you see how from bad it can go back to good eventually my beautifull boy returned to me.

He began smoking, doing pot,got drunk,got arrested,Did magic mushrooms, You name it..He was out of control..But through it all He was respectful to his mum...Because he hid it all so damn well..He knew I loved him very much.He knew he was breaking my heart.But He was having toooo much fun with his peers...He began speaking in a tounge called teenage slang.,His posture went Slotched,He Even began spitting...whats that about?..

Is your son taller than you? I ask because my son was quite a bit taller than me. I became a bit intimadated by him because he was sooo moody..Keep reinforcing the boundries again, again & again..i dont mean nag just enough to know your incharge not him...

My son is 18!!! today. He kissed me before he went out INFRONT of his mates, He hates cigatetts,His temper has calmed down alot,He generally is a sweeter calmer person...I cried myself to sleep many a night..But I know what I say doesnt really help because I was told by another mother much the same...But to me at the time It was all hopless,My child was a no hoper id failed..But really I hadnt. XXXX Nor have you.

[Xannie]

Tinkabell - I was emotionally touched reading your post - pretty much sounds like my DS (15) - can't wait until he's 18 and hopefully shook his "nasty overcoat" off! I know he loves and respects me but alas - it's more fun with his mates! Why do they have to go through this nasty teenage boy stage. It's so much harder these days with drugs and booze being so easy to get hold of - I'll be a nervous wreck by the time he's 18!