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This is page 1 of 6 (This thread has 53 messages.) First | Previous | Next | Last Go to page

Teenage daughter dliemma :(

(53 Posts)
Argh...I really am caught in the middle her...dd1 who is 19 has been working in Spain for the past two months - she hates it and wants to come home, whcih is fine by me - she's au pairing and the woman sounds like a nightmare tbh - makes her clean the toilet three or four times without gloves on, insists that cans are alphabetical, allows the children to shout and swear atdd , makes her buy the food with her own money etc. However, she's tried and I feel she has given it her best but really can't take any more. Basically she's asked if she can stay with us for a short while - we have ds1 9 and dd2 4 and three bedrooms. dd2 has just moved into her room, and we seriously don;t have space. DD1 says she will sleep on the sofa but I've suggested we put dd2 back on the bottom bunk with ds for a while. Husband (dd1's stepdad aince she was 6) is going beserk at this. I know that dd's dad won;t have her back as he is a prick. End Of. He also has two dc, but they are particularly special and can't possibly be put out angry dh is ranting about the disruption it will cause, how she is 'always' causing grief, will never leave etc. dd1 is and always has been a fantastic girl, she doesn't smoke, she is inteligent hardworking, sensible, and has just got herself into a bit of a muddle. We've paid for her to come home next week, but she was intially just coming for the weekend and going back, now though she is really distressed. I am really caught. It will be stressful - we both have difficult jobs and life is pretyy hard as it is, but I know she'll get a job and try her best to move out asap - for a start she is fed up with small children so will hate being around our two grin, but what do i do? Sorry for the rant, but I am feeling really caught - i want to scream at him 'I hope you won;t treat your 'real' kids like this, but that would be awful, he has always been fabulous with her.... Help!
hope it all goes well

unbelievably my 19yo is coming home in similar circumstances (minus the husband problem - no husband = no problem) in just over two weeks and my heart did sink a teeny bit at the thought of having to listen to radio 1xtra again blush
It's all ok now. She's coming back on Weds and will be living back here from Thursday - obviously HAS to spend a night with her friends first wink. She knows it will be difficult for us all and wants to be gone asap! She's offered free babysitting shock and I've said that we will support her however we can, as long as she is going to work and save up for her own place. Hopefully it'll all be ok.

I have to say, I never thought I'd get so many brilliant replies, they've all been really useful and have helped me approach and think about things in a different way to how I may have. THANK YOU [smile}
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Nov-09 18:38:53
Welcome her into your home. She's tried but things haven't worked out for her. She's only 19. DD1 came back home for a few months after she'd finished Uni ( she was 21) and she shared with DD2 who was 18 at the time. DD1 is now 22 and married and DD2 is 19 and at uni. I would never stop DD2 coming back home in fact she'll be here in the holidays unti she finishes uni.
Well she was working at H and M, deciding on her next move as it were. She suddenly announced she was going to live in Spain and would be there for a year shock We have most of her stuff and her da has the rest, with some scattered about at her various friends I think! As I said, she had left home about a year before and had plans to go on to university this September until the Spain thing happened!!
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Nov-09 12:17:17
gosh your poor dd! whre did she live before she went to spain? where are her belongings? what plans were there for her return, if any?
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Nov-09 12:17:00
Glad you have come to a solution. The babysitting might just compensate for the late night disruption.
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Nov-09 12:08:37
good luck coolma (you will probably need it grin)
Ok so we've had another 'chat' grin She will be sleeping in the big room on the bottom bunk with the nine year old. We have only just got dd2 to settle in her own room, so feel it would be the easiest thing all round for her to go in with ds1 (who is very cool about it!) Hopefully, she'll get a job pretty quickly and we'll obviously let her live here rent free so she can sort out a deposit ect for her own place. Thereby, her 'rent' will be to babysit sometimes wink Hopefully all will be ok!!
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 01-Nov-09 11:16:02
Re your last comment, its not an unpaid servant surely it doing chores that she is able to do, at 19 she can stay in if you want a night out. Afterall she is part of the family and everyone should pull togther.

What does your DH suggest, surely sleeping on the sofa would put you all out more?
I guess it is, but she does need to be aware that she can't come in and make loads of noise, it's not a huge house - as for babysitting - She's very rarely done this, nor have we asked her - I don't feel it is our 'right' to expect it, why should we treat her like an unpaid servant!
This is page 1 of 6 (This thread has 53 messages.) First | Previous | Next | Last Go to page
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