My DS17 will not be with us this christmas.

[Fruitysunshine]

I know, I know, let him go. I, in no way, want a son tied to my apron strings, but I am honestly surprised.

Last night my son comes in and says "Just to tell you now so you get used to the idea, I am spending christmas with the girlfriends family in London this year Ok?"

Me "Eh, ok then."

He left the room, DH looks at me and says "You ok?" I said of course!!

So I decided to enquire a bit more as to his christmas plans. This year we won't have my stepsons for christmas so it will be us and my 3 children. It has been a long time since the was the case and I have been quietly planning a lovely, family, cosy christmas.

I asked DS today when we might we see him over christmas? He said before christmas eve or after the 2nd January.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I feel quite hurt but perhaps this is the age that boys start leaving the family home - is it? Has anyone had experience of this yet? He also said "I have to sleep on the sofa because her aunt does not agree to us sleeping together" yet I am totally blown to bits by him when I tell him that is how it is in our home, especially as his gf is only 15.

Maybe I just needed to get this out and by teatime, it will all be in perspective and I will feel totally at ease with the situation. After all, he has a life too - doesn't he! I am rambling now - I think I am swinging from one end to the other!

Get a grip woman!

[GrapefruitMoon]

Isn't it entirely possible they will have split up by Christmas anyway?

I think even as a teenager I would have wanted to spend Christmas day at home (in fact dh and I spent it with our separate families until after we were married I think) - can he not spend Christmas day with you and go to visit his gf on boxing day?

[Greensleeves]

well, he can't blow his girlfriend's mother to bits, can he? That's her job

I think you have to let him go with good grace, really, but YANBU to feel wobbly and sad about it.

[mumblechum]

Agree with Greensleeves.

TBH I'm quite looking forward to ds abandoning us for Xmas so we can do our own thing without all the traditional bollox that we only really do for his benefit.

[Yurtgirl]

I agree its entirely possible they will have split up by then anyway

YANBU but he is planning way too far ahead 0 and will his girlfriends family want him in their family gathering anyway?

[brimfull]

If they don't split up before xmas they almost certainly will after spending it together

[Fruitysunshine]

It is entirely possible they will be split. My son has only been with his gf for 3 months but they are so into each other. Her parents are also divorcing, rather acrimoniously I believe, and she tells me that she finds my son a huge support. I am glad he is a supportive young man and cares enough about others to want to help.

I seriously doubt though that they will be split by christmas.

I did ask if he could spend some time with us at Christmas but we he has said they have plans every day from christmas even through to the 2nd Jan. A family trip is also planned for a few days away which he will be going on with them.

He has to do what is right for him and my job is to be here when/if he needs me. I do feel sad about it but I am sure that will pass in time. I hope he really enjoys himself, honestly.

Ok ladies, thanks for your support. Pinnie back on and off to do lunch for my returning girls!

[Fruitysunshine]

His gf's Aunt rang him last night and asked him to spend christmas with them.

[Greensleeves]

you must be proud of him though, he sounds a lovely mature young man

but I would be inwardly weeping a bit, do be kind to yourself.

[Cies]

Can you do an Early Christmas? Maybe not with presents etc but have a day set aside before he leaves when you all have a nice meal together and pull some crackers. Let him know that you accept he's got his own life but you do like him to be involved in family celebrations.

[brimfull]

Are people really planning xmas already?

Bit weirdy ,the aunt inviting him? Especially as they have only been seeing each other for 3 months.It's abit full on .

[mamas12]

I would plan a day and invite the girlfriend along too so you can show that your family is a good family to hang out with too.
And that's not a tit for tat thing it's a genuine interest in the girl/relationship thing.

[mumeeee]

Sory in this house Christmas is for family. Everyone has to spend Christmas Day here. That is until they settle down with someone.
So Dd3 19 and DD2 17 don't have a chouce.

[OhBling]

Agree with mamas12. You are being wonderfully sensible by letting him get on with it, but you want to nip in the bud a suggestion that he doesn't have to consider you at all because otherwise he'll be 37 with 2 kids and you'll never see him.

What about pre-christmas lunch, with the GF, at yours a few days before? Don't have to go crazy ito presents etc, but would still be nice and it means you're respecting his choice but still asking, legitimately, for a little family time?

[muffle]

Bless him! OP I can understand it must hurt but I do think you have the right attitude. You can say "well we'll be here, you know you're welcome if you change your mind" (and you could even extend that to the gf too?) then let him go his own way.

I remember at that age, being DESPERATE to escape family xmases though I didn't actually manage it for a while after that. The merest hint of pressure made me feel 100x more strongly that I wanted not to be there, and I think you being understanding and flexible will be the best way to make him feel accepted and return to the fold in the future IYSWIM. Also he will probably find that it's not a bed of roses at his gf's either and miss his home comforts and traditions.

[OhBling]

especially if he's sleeping on the couch...!

[mamas12]

I mean starting the lunches and spending time together now, before chirstmas.