Hmm she has felt fine health wise with the implant and no hint of a pg thank god!! I know the pg worry does cross their minds.

Her mum and i talked before we let them stay ove at each others houses. They have been together for 3 years (in April this year) and are going on holiday in August so it's a serious thing iykwim?

He does know tho that if he and his gf finish he won't be allowed to have another girl to stay unless it's a 1 year + serious relationship.

I think that's the approach my mum took with me. She knew I was doing it anyway and would rather I was doing it in my bed than up an alley/in the woods/in the park/in a car/in a field/at house parties etc like many of my friends were.

Did you discuss it with gf's parents before you allowed her to stay over?

I got pregnant whilst taking the pill (correctly) and I still get paranoid now that I'm going to get pregnant again on it. I am thinking of going on the injection because it is supposedly more reliable but I think it has a lot of side effects. I considered the implant but I know a few people who have got pregnant on that aswell.

Nappyaddict ds was almost 16 and his gf was 15. I wasn't really happy about it but given that they were already 'doing it'....

She did (after discussion with me then her mum) have yje contraceptive implant so the PG thing isn't an issue.

I absolutely would not want them doing it behind a beach hut,sorry but that makes me <boak> Now ds1 is nearly 18 and it seems like much less of a big deal iykwim?

I would rather bring up a child who can seek advice and talk to me than not.

I think it's just a bit young.
Also depends on the geography of the house~my ds,18has moved down a floor from the rest of us and that is better~he and his gf half live together in there and it is fine

I think that if your happy to acknowledge if not encourage their sex life then i think it would be a little hypocritical to then forbid them sharing a bed.

whilst i understand its ikydome (i know thats not really a word but couldn't think of a better one) surely its better that they are having the sex you already know about in a safe and secure environment than out in a field or bus shelter or whatever?

AGal..... How how old were DS and his GF when you first allowed them to sleep together in your house?

My mum let me when I was about 15/16. Saying that I got pregnant at 17 so maybe it wasn't the best idea.

I really think you have to do what you are comfortable with. My daughter has been with her bf since she was 13 and she's 16 now. I let him sleep here in her bed pretty much whenever they want since they are in a long term committed relationship. I always wanted my kids to understand that sex can be wonderful in a loving long term relationship and as long as they don't flaunt it at my house I'm fine with them sleeping together. But it's your house and you have to be comfortable with whatever you decide. Good luck, Barb

I don't think your being unreasonable at all.

Your son is 15 and lives under your roof, so imo he should live by your rules, you sound like a fab mum who he can talk to and isn't afraid to tell you things, i hope i will be like that with my boys when they are older.

i asoultely think you are not being unreasonable to impose a sleeping together ban. Especially as you have younger children to consider. If he is mature enough to have a sexual relationship, he will hopefully be mature enough not to want to impose that on you and quite frankly, how more embarrsing could it be? Having sex while your mum is next door - nup, you are doing the right thing.

I don't think your ideals are old fashioned. I am not married, but in a long term relationship (17 years) My main regret in life is not waiting for "the one".

Saying that, tis normal to want to sow ones wild oats as a youngster. I don't think he has turned his back on your beliefs in any way, i just think he is at that age where he has to find out for himself what his bounderies are - it will take him a good few years to fathom that one out!

I think it speaks volumes about your parenting that he feels he can be open with you about this. you should feel very proud about that.

yeah, they are going to do it, yeah, it might be behind the beach huts or whatever, but thats preferable to with mum and dad in the next room with the TV blaring to blot out any "sound effects"

Thank you everybody - yes I guess I left out the fact that I have two other DC's - DD1 is 10 and DD2 is 1.10 (not that she has a clue what is going on!). So much of it is about what goes on around DD1 at her age...

What I'm trying to say is that MY views as a christian are quite old fashioned and having learnt 'the hard way', yes I don't believe in sex before marriage. We're all entitled to our opinions after all. However, I accept that my son hasn't chosen to live his life according to MY beliefs, which is right, he has to decide what HE believes in and why etc for himself, not because of me. Oh I'm getting myself all in a tizzle now, I can't explain what I mean. Part of why I started this thread was to try and get it straight in my head - sometimes explaining it to strangers and verbalising it can straighten it out but maybe not lol!

I'm just trying to keep it real I guess... He will move out in the next couple of years and what he chooses to do in his home is his choice but while he's under my roof and esp while he is under 16/18, I think I should get a say in sleeping arrangements. I remember being a teenager and using either my bed or my bf's parents house but never while they were in the house too!! I guess I'll tackle whether or not they sleep together while visiting in a few years when its relevant...

I have a teen(well 2 but dd is different as sn) ds is 17 and tbh I accept that he will, in my house
as long as girlie is over 16 I have to ...(run and hide)

true

I have teens

'mums with young kids are always more liberal than those with teens'



agalch has teens.

mums with young kids are always more liberal than those with teens

I guess I see teenage sex as an emotional/health issue rather than a moral issue.

But I never had any real moral hangups about it, tbh.

I agree 2shoes and horton.i hope I can take that view when the time comes.Ds is 15 though and has never had a gitlfriend although he is DESPERATE!

I would say no in a caravan, but tbh if she is over 16 I would let them get one with it at home. as long as it is legal(age wise) and your ds knows about safe sex, if you say no they will just find somewhere else to go.

I think you're being quite reasonable PLP... you're talking to your son about sex and keeping lines of communication open but have made your feelings clear that you don't actually approve and don't want them sleeping together in your house... seems totally fair enough to me.

Of course you're allowed to set rules but frankly, I think a rule that says 'Have sex if you must but not in a bed' is a bit inconsistent. I totally understand why you feel uncomfortable about them having sex under the same roof as you but isn't that just a sort of prejudice? If they are doing it anyway, might they not at least be comfortable while they're shagging? Your son is responsible enough to use barrier contraception and appears to have genuine feelings for this girl, so it isn't like you're condoning casual sex or anything that is likely to harm either party. Also, 'when they're married' sounds quite old-fashioned to me. What if they leave school and move in together and come on holiday with you then? Will you still be saying 'not under my roof'? I have friends whose parents did exactly that and I don't think it contributed to a close or friendly parent-child relationship at all!

I'd have a frank talk with the girl's mother if possible, I think. What does she think is going on?

My parents always made boyfriends sleep separately from me, no matter how serious (I saw one boy between 14 & 18, & looked like we'd marry, etc), until I got pregnant with my now DH. Then they decided that it was pointless ('shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted' & all that). Part of it was keeping up appearances for my younger (by 5 years) sister, part of it was a respect thing, I think.

Until the pregnancy it was very much a 'not until you're married' thing.

I always think my morals are way off or my views are extreme (thank you expat) but you know what??
Lots of teens are having sex/getting pg/getting STI's. My teen and his gf are not. They are having sex in my house/her house. Only having sex with each other, instead of multiple partners in mates houses/in bus stops.

That's the way i like it tbh.

I think you are right. He is under 18 and you are allowed to set rules.

I'm with agalch. Meh. I don't have a problem with my kids sleeping in the same bed as their boyfriend/girlfriend in my home.

Or with teenage sex.

As long as everyone's using reliable contraception and condoms if they haven't had a full STI screen.

Mu ds and his gf sleep together here and at er house. I don't see why,if you are ok with them having sex,sleeping in the same bed is a problem?

you say if there discreet theres no point in tryin to stop them so whats the difference to them sharing a bed ??

My DD is 19, she lives with her boy friend at his mums house, they have sex, obviously. She talks openly to me about contraception, always has done. I have the odd little joke with her about things, but she doesn't want to be talking to her mum about that sort of thing I would however, be really uncomfortable if she had sex here, in my house, while i was in it. No no no no no! They would have to have separate beds.

ugh!! Marriage! I'd be disappinted if any of my DC put relationships on hold untill they were 'married'....... In fact I'd be bloody disapointed if they were thinking of it at any point!

Just one look on the relationships section should put them off

I do see where you're coming from but only about 50% of people actually get married these days so I wonder what you'll do if they decide marriage isn't for them?

Hello, sorry should have explained a bit better - he knows I don't approve of him having sex or like it but I'd rather he was honest about it and used protection etc. Again, I think it stems from how my parents were with me - the more they told me not to and disapproved, the more I did it!!

Yes, you're right, I don't want to be in the same house while it is actually happening either lol!

Yes, that is the crucial part rhubarb - he knows where we keep the condoms and helps himself or asks DH if he needs any. So far he's not too embarassed to ask but I'm sure he'll happily buy some if he needed to.

When he told me about losing his virginity I was absolutely gutted but I didn't freak out at him or he wouldn't have opened up to me again. I calmly told him how I felt and my beliefs but I'm under no illusions that he's suddenly going to abstain just because mum doesn't like it (which is what my parents seem to think!). There have been times when he has opened up to me about stuff and I've been able to help (other stuff) so I think its important to keep the lines of communication open. At the same time, I think he should respect my rules under my roof - I don't impose my beliefs on him and the way he leads his life but surely while he's living at home I have a say in what goes on under my roof?

Yes, I feel I have a responsibility to his GF's mum too - she seemed relieved to hear that I was making them sleep in separate beds at least. Not sure if she's aware of whether or not they are having sex - she seems to preoccupied with her own boyfriend to be honest imo but that's not the issue here...

As far as when will they be able to sleep in the same bed goes: when they're married!!! I know that sounds totally whacko but that's what I believe. If I had my way, he would have waited but that's not reality is it!

Assuming that they stay together, when will they be allowed to sleep in the same bed? when he turns 16? but if he's already having sex and you're accepting of that, then not sure why sleeping in the same bed isn't allowed.

Is it just that you don't want to be present in the same house when they may be potentially having sex? you don't want to hear anything etc? Because I could understand that.

so sex is fine as long as its hidden away and not spoken about but sharing a bed and cuddling through the night is forbidden?
you're giving out a dodgy message there!

if you're happy with the way things are between them and trust your son then I'd let them share a bed (as long as GF and her parents were happy with that too obviously)

What does the GF's mum think?

You seem very relaxed about all the decisions he has made so far even though he must have been 14 when he lost his virginity which as Rhubarb have said is, of course, breaking the law and he still is, as is his girlfriend. So I'm sorry but it seems a bit hypocritical of you to suddenly get upset about them sharing a bed. What are they going to do differently as a result of sharing a bed that they're not already doing with your knowledge and approval?

I don't really get why having sex is ok but sharing a bed isn't.

I wouldn't let them. You might think they are having sex, but I would have rules. Your house and they have to respect that. If your ds wants to break the law, he can do it elsewhere.

Have you had a chat with him about contraception? Even if she says she's on the pill, he does know to wear a condom right?

Have a talk with him, don't encourage your ds to break the law, lay down the rules of staying at your house/caravan.

I fell pg with DS when I was 16 years old and he knows the circumstances around it (I was a good christian girl who ended up getting pg). My parents thought they were open with me but actually I couldn't talk to them at all, esp my mum, because her reactions to stuff were hurrendous!!! So as a result, I have tried to make sure that DS and I have good communication etc and so far so good (I'm not under any illusions that this will always be the case lol!). He told me when he had his first kiss, he told me when he lost his virginity (last year) and we've been very open about condoms etc and encouraged him to try and make sure its only with a special girl, not to two-time etc and STD's/pg etc without preaching or lecturing. He's had a gf for nearly 4 months and she's a lovely girl with problems of her own but nonetheless she is a great influence on him and he keeps telling me 'she's the one mum!!' <<<awwwww icon>>>>.

Anyway, we've had her at the house quite a bit lately and got to know her. Her mum is always at her bf's house so I often get begged to give her a lift home as her house is the other side of town and the busses don't run after a certain time. I'm happy to provide lifts etc but last weekend I was in pain (af!) and didn't want to go out in the evening. Turned out she would have been in the house on her own so we invited her to stay over provided her mum was OK with it and that they stayed in separate beds. They did stay in separate beds (I stayed up to make sure and checked through the night lol!).

Anyway, we've invited her to come on holiday with us in August - its in a static caravan and we all enjoy each others company (I've heard this is strange for teenagers!?). I know they'll probably find opportunities to have sex and as long as they are discreet and use protection I don't see the point in trying to stop them. By the way, he is 15 and she is 16. Anyway, DH thinks they should be allowed to sleep in the same bed but I'm saying NO WAY, NEVER!!!! I just don't think it's right for them to sleep together or for us to encourage it, whether they're having sex or not, I think they're too young...

I'd really value your opinions - I'm not going to change my mind on this but do like to hear what other people think just to add a bit of perspective...

Thanks in advance