I think it is very difficult to effect change when the habits are already set.
I agree that dog walking should not be expected.
I have big struggles with getting dd to do any chores but then I (BIG mistake) never set it up that she should.
However the other night I watched with open mouth as she put her dirty plate and cutlery in the dishwasher (didn't praise her as of course that's exactly what she should be doing and didn't want to make too big a thing of it).

Any household like yours Cosette that has everyone chipping, in was presumably like that from day one so that they grew up knowing what you expected from them.

Sorry no helpful advice but lots of sympathy.

Do you give them allowance because I would make it index linked. They do the dishes twice a week for a set amount. A thorough cleaning of their room another amount [that includes vaccuuming and changing sheets]. Don't give them any money unless they do something to earn it.

Do they have pay-as-you go or contract mobiles? If they have a contract, do you pay it because that could be what they get in exchange for taking the dog out for a proper walk once a week each. DD1 cleans the cat litter for our 4 cats in exchange for a contract mobile which I only pay £10 a month for through virgin.

What about after-school activities like ballet. YOu could make these linked to a chore as well. DD1 does the recycling and takes out the trash for ballet, flamenco and jazz fees.

Stop doing their laundry. Your house might smell unpleasant for a few weeks but a couple of days without clean underwear will have them investigating the washing machine. Course, this depends on how much morning sickness you have and if it is aggravated by smelly socks.

I only have 1 and she is difficult enough but keep reminding yourself that you are teaching them the skills they will need to be good adults [and not useless spongers]. This has become my mantra when it takes DD1 three hours to clean her bedroom on Saturday mornings when I could do it in twenty minutes with no screaming.

It doesn't actually work as a mantra but it makes me feel better.

Hmm, to be perfectly honest I don't think they should have to walk the dog unless it was bought specifically for one of them as a gift, in which case that person should take sole responsibility.

On the cooking front, I agree that it would be very odd not to cook for them at all, apart from anything else you'd be cooking for yourself and dh anyway.

How about on one night a week each of the teenagers cooks a meal (though if your dsd is only there part time, maybe she could be excused), and you never know, they may actually enjoy it.

My ds occasionally cooks something from one of the Waitrose cards that you can pick up free. They're all pretty simple and v. good.

So far as the washing's concerned, I certainly think the 18 yr old should be doing his own washing as he'll be looking after himself soon, but I wouldn't expect the 13 year olds to have to do their own laundry just yet.

interesting link, other than DH doesnt lock himself away and leave everything to me, more he tries to make up for everything they dont do, while helping me with the baby and working full time and on the weekends, as well as walking the dog (he loves the dog) and consequently is more knackered than me,

I seriously think they would rather go without - I could cope with one, or even 2 but its the combinedmight of trying to argue with 3 teenagers that makes it so hard.

For example I have mooted the idea of a dog walking rota, DSS Tuesdays and Thursday, DS1 Monday and Friday, DH/I on the weekends, DSD every other Wednesday (as she is only here on Wednesdays, and every other weekend, plus she isnt allowed out in the dark so DH would have to go anyway), that just led to a row with DS1 about how DSD wouldnt do it (and he is right, as he is also right in that if we try to make her she will stop coming up on Wednesdays.

AAAAAAAHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I was thinking about what teenagers want:
Cash, material goods, money to pay for specific things (like gigs or cinema), permission to do things, lifts.
Is there any way to make them getting those various things contingent upon them helping out regularly?

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6457546.ece

Sounds similar!

"we wouldnt stop cooking tea" fair enough but couldnt you take turns in cooking tea. If they don't cook they don't eat but you still have to sit round the table and have a conversation (and, as the adults, have a stock of biscuits in your bedroom for these occasions!)

Sorry I refuse to get a dog/cat ever for exactly those reasons you have described. Do YOU want to let her go or if the DC helped in other areas you would be happy to keep her?

we wouldnt stop cooking tea - its the only time we are all together, we eat as a family, we tend not to do it on weekend, they have school lunches, i do occassionally go on strike and stop doing the washing, but then the house smells horrible, of sweaty socks and boxers, i am toying with the idea of making 10 - 12 on saturday tidy and clean time, anyone who doesnt participate would then not have food cooked/pocket money/clothes washed that week

am also contemplating a dog walking rota - our dog is beautiful, people are always asking to have her, i am beginning to think if they wont take some responsibility for walking her i may let her go, much as it would break dhs heart, as she moults like mad, and i am always the one who brushes her, cleans up after her and picks up her poo from garden

Agree with LibrasBoF..

I have DDs of 13 and 12, and don't cook for them at all during the week (sometimes on fri evening), they have school lunches, and they are expected to get their own tea - which can either be toast etc, or quite often they will cook themselves simple things like beans on toast, fishcakes, pasta, omelettes, sausages. We periodically tell them they are cooking family evening meal at the weekend - and have had some success with this, but it varies. Both girls enjoy baking and will randomly cook cakes, brownies and biscuits.

They are supposed to do all their own washing (but don't). I do usually manage to get them to put on at least one load each at the weekend. They hoover, dust and tidy one room downstairs each, on a Saturday morning, before I take them to their drama class. They are supposed to keep their bedrooms tidy, and we have limited success with that, except when they have friends for a sleepover, then they tidy up!

Mornings - they get themselves up, breakfast and out the door without any help.

I work (and also have a 2year old), as well as dogs, cat, and no cleaner.

My advice would be to tell them that you're not cooking in the week any more, but that the fridge/freezer will be stocked. With washing - whilst I will sometimes put on a wash with school clothes, I tend to leave their casual clothes in their washing bin -and there's generally a favourite top they want to wear, so that helps them to do a wash.