Newlease, I think your post is great. I am sorry that pastamental never came back.

I doubt that he was a troll, and even if he was I'd rather take seriously a troll's message than ignore a true request for help, which is what I think this was.

pastamental - I work with young people that have left/ been evicted from home and deal with a lot of the issues you have mentioned. I doubt you are a troll and think that the shouting of this is disgusting, a lot of people have no understanding of some of the issues people face.

Please contact me heroicsavage@hotmail.co.uk, I may be able to help.

Ok- smoking isn't great but it is only a fag. It could be a lot, lot worse judging by what my mates all smoked when I was a teenager!

I think you are being really harsh. She seems to have agreed to smoke away from the house as you requested and yet you locked her out of the house anyway?

Yes - we all know smoking is bad for you, she probably knows it is bad for her - but unfortunately people will smoke if you like it or not and I feel your response is over the top.

And if she had come home battered and bruised this morning after being attacked or worse raped whilst being locked out what would you have done?

She is smoking not chasing the dragon FGS!

You turn your back on your kids for very few things, murder, abuse of a minor etc, those sort of serious things, smoking a fag is not one of them.

Contraception failed?

forget pasta, just mental. No wonder she smokes. She must hate you. Deservedly.

if you are lurking Pasta any updates? Hope things have settled down a bit

to the OP: I understood that the smoking was not the central issue but the final straw in a long chain of problems and you were at your wits end and very angry the night you locked her out.

Thing is when you have a baby, you are making yourself responsible for that person for a very very long time. If it is becoming unbearable for everyone having her under your roof, please try to find a seriously viable alternative for a year or so to take the pressure off you all. Is there within the family somewhere she could go, possibly to family living overseas (language etc, schoolyear abroard) or could she board for a trial year and see how that pans out?

It might not end the smoking, lying habits but would hopefully defuse things. Fifteen is still very young and her character/personality is not set in stone. I wouldn't give up on things getting better.

PASTAMENTAL... people have slated you and told you you are doing wrong, but i think its very hard and sometimes you dont know where to turn.. Teenagers drive you NUTS !! My DD is 18 and a half and a bitch from ehll at times. I didnt have the strength to throw her out , but if BRAT CAMP had taken her to UTAH? or where ever, i would have welcomed it. My DD is off to Uni in September and i cannot wait. I love her dearly and think she is a beautiful girl under neath it all, but i dont like her behaviour either. She gets drunk, calls me all the names under the sun, Criticises me non stop, behaves like a SPOILT BRAT and seems to hate me. I am good for moeny, cleaning, wahsing and giving her lifts.... oh yeah !! Dogs body for that stuff.
My dd smokes and has done since 14 years, got us evicted after partiying when i was away 2 years ago and been a little cow but i cant throw her out. I am a single mum so dont want to let her down any more than i have .
Smoking, drinking, sex and all the rest are normal teenage things which we will all have to face , tolerate or not and deal with. Hang on if you can till she is a bit older.

And as for the smoking. Not good I admit, but it won't kill her instantly. She has years to give up. I smoked for about 15 yrs and have now given up for 13. My lung health and heart are fine. If your objection to her smoking is for health reasons, don't get hysterical, just keep your fingers crossed and encourage her to stop. If they are simply because you personally don't like it, you are a complete and utter knob.

"As with most rows with her, big or small, she refuses to accept or contemplate a compromise"

Like father like daughter?

I personally hope this is a wind up.

If it's true about the school expelling just for knowing a child smokes, that's one tough/messed up school. Our school only took action if people smoked in/near it or in uniform on the way to or from.

If this is real, then I think the OP has serious issues regarding women. He sounds terribly opressive towards his DW and DD, and if that was me, I'd be out of there before he could blink. Heaven knows what goes on when that poor girl is at home.

If this is a troll, I hear Tesco are selling lives for 1p. I'd get one.

I too hate smoking, I thought I was manic about it, but to lock a 15 year old outside all night because of it, what are you planning to do the first time she comes home drunk??

DSS lives here and smokes, and I HATE it, expecially as I have a baby in the house, a few times he smoked in the house, and the smell gave it away, on a 3 strikes and out basis, the 3rd time, I simply picked up all his bedding, coats, pillows, duvet, etc and dropped it in the dry cleaners for a service wash and left the ticket on his bed, much more effective than screaming at him.

The coats were because having been hanging up on the back of his door they too stank of smoke, and also because if it was just his bedding he would have lived without it.

It cost him £50 to get it out, he had to get to the dry cleaners and fetch it and he was without blankets etc for a week. The woman in the laundrette laughed at him and he has never smoked in the house again, but even I accept I cannot control what he does away from the house, that said I have warned him (he had a habit of being in the car with people smoking) that if he comes home smelling like an ashtray, then his clothes will have to go to laundrette as I wont have them in the washing machine with everyone elses.

Good

Aye, but they'll die sad and alone and never know the real joy life can hold

VictorianSqualor, I think your stepfuckwit and mine would be firm friends

I'm with tmm-Janitor .
This isn't really about smoking, is it? It's about lying.
I can easily believe the story, especially a parent losing their rag in a stupid way.
I'm only human, I do dumb things, too.
15 is not 5, it's not insane to lock her out in a moment of pique, mind it's unproductive and unkind as done by OP.
I locked ds4yo out once for ten minutes when he was driving me insane (daylight, in our garden).

Yes you over-reacted, OP.
You need to come up with a better way to discourage your DD from smoking; where does she get the money from to buy them, for one thing? What if you urine tested her for nicotine, and for each negative test she got a new music CD -- wouldn't that be less stress than all this?
If smoking is the worst DD ever comes up with to challenge me I will feel like I got off very lucky.
But I come from an extended family with lots of dysfunctionality, so everything is relative.

pastamental - your greatest hope is that you were big enough to question your actions by coming on here.....

don't run away....there is constructive criticism to be had (as well as kneejerk judgements)

Some quick thoughts:

We cannot control our children.

We must educate them and guide them.

We must love and accept them, even when at their most unloveable.

We must choose our battles (this is a useful one)

You need to bring her back.

You need to tell her you love her.

You need to tell her that while you feel strongly about the smoking issue you know that you over-reacted.

You need to talk to her about the smoking issues. If you give her the choice, she is actually more likely to make the right choice.

You need to rethink now or you will find you're at the beginning of the end of your relationship with her.

"driven by my impotent rage"?
Sounds like a line from a really awful novel!

Ugh.

You remind me of my step-dad too. It was always my fault, I was always the terrible teenage delinquent and 'deserved' to eb locked out etc.

You know some of the places I slept when locked out rather than go tell my friends through embarrassment because they had a happy home life??

I slept in stolen cars, bushes, the entrance to the bus station and once or twice a park bench. Also the people you meet at that time of night...well, they're a lot to be desired.

If this is a true story it is the most utterly ridiculous thing I've ever heard, what lesson do you think it's going to teach her??? All it's going to do is push her into the arms of the people who will accept her, smoking and all, those who will be around at this time of night and not think that maybe a fifteen year old girl should be looked after. Last night she was probably at the most risk she has ever been, and the blame on that lies at your door. Your LOCKED door.

So her school will expell her for just knowing she smokes? Surely they will only expell her for smoking if she does it in school time or dressed in school uniform?

I refuse to believe this is anything other than nonsense - never happened

Are you serious?

"Part of me would be glad to get shot of her, but at her age, we still have 'parental responsibility" Could you make that seem any more begrudging if you tried? When I read that I thought that maybe you were the step father perhaps!

"And no, I've no idea where she is" And you profess to care about her?

You locked your vulnerable teenage girl outside, at close to midnigh. You have no idea where she is now. It is beyond belief!

dittany I must learn to type faster, bully was the first word that sprang to my mind!

How can you even begin to think this is right, and more to the point you must be a callous, self centred bully to be able to carry it through.

If my DH even tried to do this to my DSes he would have to tie me up and hide all the keys, because there is no way on earth I would sit back and let it happen.

You don't deserve your DD, and she doesn't deserve you, she devserves much better.

Has anybody used the world "bully" yet BTW? Because that's what you are - a great big bully who throws his weight around. You should be ashamed of the way you've behaved. You're setting your daughter and any other children in your family a terrible example doing this.

"As for leaving her alone in the night – She's no fool, this isn't a tough urban area and she would have made straight for one of her local friends (as I said, she did reply to texts later on). Does it make me feel better – of course not."

Well the next time you act like a wanker (bet that never happens ) I hope either your dd, if she comes back, or your wife locks you out for the night. I'm sure you'll manage to fend for yourself as you sound like no fool. Sauce for the goose and all that.

You really need to learn new forms of conflict resolution that don't escalate the situation and stop acting like a spoilt brat when you don't get your own way.

I'd say this was one for social services if it is real. We've got the abuser right here.

shesellsseashells.... that was what i did too.

blimey what a disproportionate response.you both locked in a toxic rage

Arent you a bit humiliated to think that she went to a friends? washing your dirty linen in public, and all that. you are the one with teh responsibility to look after her, not her friends.

My Dad locked me out of the house when I was 17. I had been on a night out and he didn't think it was appropriate for a 17 y o to be out that late so to teach me a lesson, he locked me out all night .

I phoned my boyfriend and he paid for me to get a taxi to his house. I moved in with him the next day.

My mum still has not forgiven him.

You have some serious grovelling to do to your daughter, I would suggest you start now.

i did he was wrong. i am not saying he's right.
but screaming insults at him is not going to help him do things differently next time is it?

mmj are you kidding?Being a little madam is hardly grounds for what to me is child abuse.

Personally I do not think it is appropriate to have 15 yo girls out wandering the streets all night.

It is less safe when there are so few people around. And when you're cold and lonely and sad you are more likely to do something silly. Like accept a lift to somewhere warmer.

I do think that should be a matter for social services actually.

I have no teenage rearing experience, but can remember what it was like to be one.

I think the best course of action would be to apologise for your over reaction last night, explain why you stuck your ground, and why you do not want her to smoke under your roof. However if her compromise is to go outside to smoke, I don't think that is unreasonable. My dear mother once said, I will always love you, although I may not like the things you grow up to do. Or something like that.

She is a personality fast approaching adult hood, she will have to make decisions on her own, some, possibily, most of which you may not like. Do not hate her for this, be proud that you have raised a daughter who knows her own mind.

From reading your original post, may be some more reassurance on your part that you will always love her wouldn't go amiss either.

I despair and am going to bed

Read the thread peeps

and i'm sorry -if social sevices wre knocking on the door of every household where somehing like happened then there wuld be no social workers to do any other work.

you know, I truly hope you are a troll, otherwise I am really horrified by this.

I went to hell and back last night with MY 15yr old DD, who lied to me and went out drinking with her best friends, and then somehow they lost her, and then DD was found pretty much unconscious by a member of the public, who managed to get DHs mobile out of her and rang us, then gave her to the police, who looked after her until DH got to her, but then we had hell as the other two girls were still missing.

it was one of the girls who supplied the alcohol, and altho I stated they plied my DD with it, it was a three-way thing......and they got caught out badly.

you know what, I love my DD1 so so so much, and the thought of 'what if' has been ever present in my mind all day. I was livid this morning with her, so very very angry, but at NO POINT would it even cross my mind to even come close to what you did. I would not even THREATEN to lock her out.

you fucking wanking useless piece of parent.

when we are blessed with our children, we are responsible for them until they are adults. (that is supposed to be 18, but I am not quite convinced of this yet).

at 15, she is still a child.

my 15yr old is still a child.

it is our job to protect and teach them until they can take care of themselves, for better or worse.

I hope to god your own parents are ashamed of you tonight. I would be ashamed to raise a person who could treat his own child as you claim to.

the op was wrong to lock his daughter out.

however the girl is being a little madam and we should be giving him advice on how to deal with this.

she is 15-smoking is not only dangerous-it DOES kill people-but also illegal and will get her expelled from school. so it's not really ok is it?

there DOES have to be a line.

You are being childish. She has not done anything awful just acting like a typical teenager.

agree quattro

otherwise ss would be on her doorstep

FWIW I reported this earlier - MN are 'looking into it'

Step away from the thread

quattro sadly it has happened to other people on the thread when they were young.

Whether the OP is true or not doesn't change that

It never happened FGS. Who in their right mind would lock out a 15 year old all night?

no. the OP wanted to know if we thought he was pig headed and childish.

we have answered yes he was, and is.

Oh your poor poor daughter! I really hope she went to somebody who can stand up for her. How dare you treat your child like this!! You don't deserve children: I really really hope that your daughter has gone to SS, because if you and your DW are prepared to throw her out, alone into the dead of night, then I dread to think how you treat her within the confines of your 'home'.

well said greeny. thank god you're not my dad

I think we all agree (including OP I suspect) that he made a mistake last night and went a bit too far. If he is anything like me and dh he will be kicking himself for years for doing that and all the things that could of happened to her.So where does him and his dw go from here? If he didnt care he wouldnt be posting on here, so how about stopping the unhelpful name calling and posting something to help him, his dd and dw to move on positively from this low

Troll

FFS you sound like an utter wanker In fact you sound just like my dear old dad whom i still fucking hate for the stunts he pulled, like locking me out for shit like this.

I'm almost hoping your dd doesn't have to come back and live with you

Can anyone explain (themoon it happened to you) why on earth anyone would do this.

I mean, it's bloody cold at night a lot in this country, young girls are very vulnerable, why is making them wander the streets all night, sit in shop doorways or try to sleep on benches a good thing? At best nothing will bad will happen but they will get bloody cold, at medium they will get mistaken for a prostitute or hassled by unpleasant drunks, at worst something dreadful will happen.

The streets are very deserted in the small hours, it's a scary and lonely place to be

My parents locked me out of the house for missing the last bus home (I walked 7 miles to get home).

I hated them for that for years.

Let the child back in and explain why you think smoking is bad.

Can't you buy cigarettes at 16 any more?

of course you can't lock a 15 year old girl out of home all night. That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard.

If it is true then the OP is an abusive parent IMO. Uncaring cruel and callous.

Definitely a troll. She is your DD-a child-your responsibility.

Where does she get her cigarrettes from? Does she look 18? If not, that would be a better thing to be concerned about.

Contact her, be the one to apologise - set the example, and start again.

You don't need to allow her to smoke in your home, but throwing her out solves nothing.

Well said Greeny

you sound like my stepfather

you controlling, arrogant pig

how people can treat any child like this is beyond me

I keep thinking about that poor girl locked out of her own home without proper shoes on

you don't know where she is!! Don't you understand the danger you have put her in? Do you realise that she probably feels that you dislike her, don't care about her and won't care if something happens to her? She's a human being, not a fucking dog you can train by using these blunt stupid methods

I hope you are prepared to be really, really hated by your daughter - she will run from you like a bullet from a gun as soon as she is old enough to make better living arrangements for herself

and you are destroying her self-image and her long-term happiness

unbelievable

Your comments on your daughter, with the only 'good points' you can think of that she is 'academically intelligent and pretty' make me feel that you just want a daughter you can boast about, not one to love no matter what - that may not be true, but it's how you come across.

I doubt if you can be any more opposed to smoking than I am, but when my DD started smoking, the last thing I would have thought of was to throw her out, especially late at night. Apart from anything else, it's pretty much invalidated any argument you ever had for imposing a curfew on her, which you may come to regret - assuming you are actually planning to take her back sometime.

I have never stopped encouraging DD to give up and I never will, even when she's 30, though I'm hoping she will have given up long before that - she is trying hard, and I believe she will succeed.

I hope this is a troll otherwise you are v controlling and above all irresponsible parent.Where is she fgs ? Smoking and insolence in a 15yr old Hardly the crime of the century or that surprising Get a grip and go and find her

Surely your main objection to her smoking is that it will ruin her health? Because you love her?

Yet you locked her out of her home in her slippers late at night?

Suspect trollery is afoot but if not then you are an absolute eejit and all of the adjectives you suggest for yourself apply. Though solidgold has put it even better, imo.

My sympathy is with your daughter. She sounds like any other typical teenager trying to work out how to assert herself, find her own identity, express her views & be heard & have enough freedom to experience some degree of independence. Your post was so overwhelmingly negative in tone that I cannot imagine that she can be anything other than miserable at your 'damning' assessment of her.

You sound as stubborn as each other - she's possibly less like your dw than you think, and more like you than you realise.

No, she shouldn't smoke in the house but she's not doing that though is she if she goes outside? So it's the smoking itself you object to? Or the fact you've told her not to and she continues?

I'm a great believer that when you have strong-willed people in a house and in this case a teenager making their way to independence that you choose your battles. What do you want to achieve in fighting this one?

But you are not entitled to 'respect' from her. You have forfeited that by your treatment of her. She is a human being and entitled to have different opinions to you - and smoking, while not ideal, is not that big an issue.
You;re a smug, inadequate small-cocked wanker who can only feel normal by bullying people smaller, weaker and younger than you.

If this is for real then you are an arse. And I am irrationally irritated by you referring to her as 'pretty' in your OP.

When my kids behave badly I try to remember to look at myself and see in what way I may have caused it

Perhaps you should do that yourself

you're the parent ffs. she's 15 get a grip it's moronic behaviour

letsgostrawberrypicking – hit the nail on the head - you are so very right.

I & DW might well be infrequent posters (mea culpa for sharing same id) - I haven't time to run to mumsnet every time we have a problem or crisis - we just try and deal with it. Except in this case.

As for leaving her alone in the night – She's no fool, this isn't a tough urban area and she would have made straight for one of her local friends (as I said, she did reply to texts later on). Does it make me feel better – of course not.

I do seem to remember that I was a teen once, and yes, probably displeased my parents many times, but I knew where the line was, and ultimately respected it.
Is that too much to ask?

Sounds like it is.

Good thought tatt.

Dear 15-year-old. Take money and your phone with you when you go outside to smoke. Just in case your parents really are that unreasonable.

FFS. do you mean my little rant was fodder for the animal?

will bog off to somthing more important then

humph

sorry but you sound like either a journalist looking for copy or a 15 year old checking if his parents threats to throw him out are for real.

So - assuming it's the latter - your parents have a responsibility to see that you are safe. So taking you to a friend who is willing to take you in might be on.

My husband's niece is now living with friends and SIL says openly that the house is much more peaceful without her and that she doesn't want her back - or at least not yet. So you might be genuine. If so you need to consider if your need to control those around you and not respect their own views has caused the problem.

I'm well aware that my teens do things I don't like and lie about it. I don't always like their behaviour. They are still my children and no way would I lock them out at that time of night.

Uh-huh. Don't like to be the first to say it though.

I have never done this before.............

Trip trap trip trap trip trap

Very similar writing style to another infrequent poster from a while ago who was also a troll

Also it does sound like she compromised. She didn't smoke in her bedroom, she went outside to do it.

"As with most rows with her, big or small, she refuses to accept or contemplate a compromise. It's her way or nothing"

Says the man who locked his 15 year old daughter out of the house all night for smoking. I think you are projecting actually. Maybe you should start working on your own personality traits rather than criticising your dw or your dd.

I feel sorry for your dd. Smoking is probably something that gives her pleasure in what sounds like a miserable situation.

I hope you are a troll otherwise there must be a very unhappy teenager out there.

You don't sound very mature yourself, I'm afraid...I can't believe you couldn't have come to some compromise on this, and you're not exactly modelling good conflict resolution are you? There must be somewhere you could go for parenting advice (apart from mumsnet, obviously!)...you are going to end up regretting reacting so excessively I think.

Sounds like you are just at the end of your tether - there is always more to things than can be described in a post.
You know she has to come back though dont you? We all push things a bit too far and hope it makes our dcs sit up and listen, and when they dont ....well it's then up to us to make the first move back.

She must realise your home is a non smoking house, that's non-negotiable I agree with you. When she decides to leave then she can do what she wants in her own home.

She is your daughter.

If having a cigarette causes you to kick her out of the family home then IMVHO she is probably best out of it.

I sincerely hope she gets some better support and non-conditional love elsewhere.

sorry but you did ask. If you no longer want her as part of your 'family' I hope someone else looks after her as you are blatently not doing so.

hmmm.....where is op??

I'm confused as in pastamentals other post (July last year it appears as female written it (me and dh were in italy) this one is written as if a man (dw & I)

Anyway regardless no you have not done the right thing she is 15!!

she's 15 .. she's learning who she is and she's pushing boundries.

I think it's a bit OTT locking her out for smoking TBPH. pick your battles.. there wil be bigger ones to come.

pmsl@ "if only she would hold her tongue"

oh a cheeky, talkback teen - well i never!

i have grounded twins over the half term both 16. i've had it in stereo and i know how hard they push - but seriously man, this is too far

well she might be..he doesn't know where she is..

I'm sorry buit I can't believe this! You want rid of your nearly 16 year old for smoking! I think you need to open your eyes and thank god she isn't doing a lot worse like, drugs, prostitution, stealing, gangs etc...

I don't think there's a parent on here who hasn't been pushed to the limit by their teenager over one thing or another, but carry on like that and you'll lose her forever. I can't believe you really locked her out and left her to her own devices at that age! She hasn't murdered someone - she smoked

pastamental - No of course you havent

I note that this is only your second post on MN so I am dubious about whether you are telling the truth or attention seeking sorry

Can I just check - she is fifteen years old? She's fifteen and you shut her out for the night to fend for herself?

I will profess to knowing nothing about parenting teens but this feels extreme to me.

"Part of me would be glad to get shot of her" - god, I hope you regret that phrase when you have calmed down.

umm, she's your responsability to parent until she is 18.

i couldn't contemplate throwing my 16 yr old daughter out and not hving an inkling of where she is. ( and i do have one, with all of the above traits - as well as some nice ones) but this is part of parenting.

it might be diferent if you knew she was stopping at nans or uncle jims or something - but to just lock the doors and leave her to fend for herself - over smoking - is rather ott imho.

i chucked my ds out 10 days ago - but he is 19. so its not like i am averse to vehenently drawing a line.

You are mad and plain irresponsible to chuck her out for smoking.

It sounds as if your DW has some pretty serious conflict resolution issues that she has merrily passed on to your DD. How about a bit of family therapy to help sort that problem out?

You locked a 15 year old out of the house in the night because she was having a fag???and you are considering whether you have her back because of her very normal teenage behaviour??

Personally I wouldnt send her to a school where you are expelled for smoking in the first place.

Just read your comments about her mother. You sound very patriarchal.

Of course you haven't done the right thing!!*!*! Is this for real?

She's not yet 16. Why are you even asking?

gosh.

no you haven't done the right thing. she's a child. she's a teenager. she will disobey. she's kind of supposed to. as long as she keeps the smoking away from the house (if that's what you'd prefer..baring in mind it may mean you don't know where she is..) then what's the actual problem?

FGS - Grow up - you are the adult and to be honest you sound like a kid proportioning blame on her and locking doors.

so where did she spend the night? she's still a child isn't she?!

...well, obviously not, or I wouldn't be on here agonising about it.

She's nearly 16, stubborn, sly, always pleading to be trusted and a blasé liar. And those are her good points. When she's not exhibiting these common teenage traits though, she can be a lovely girl, academically intelligent & pretty. She's grown up in a loving, stable home - she's loved, but at the moment...not liked.

So - she has taken up smoking, an absolute anathema to me & DW. At first she did it surreptitiously with her "friends" (save that for another post?).
We've found evidence on her at least 3 times, we've had the tears, the "I'll never do it again...believe me". She's a very convincing performer, but obviously not meant at all.
It's particularly serious as her (independent) school has a zero tolerance to smoking - she WILL be expelled without question should they find out, especially as I'm sure she has the stuff at school. But last night she took it one step too far.

After what I thought had been a pleasant day, after a family trip to the cinema, back home she announced that she was just going outside...at 22:30. Unusual, though I knew straight away why, but had to hear it from her "Well, there's no point in hiding it any more, is there?". She had made a decision that evening, and perhaps was thinking we would capitulate. I really don't know what goes through her mind at times.

I said that it was bad enough her smoking anyway, but it was definitely not on blatantly smoking in or anywhere near the house. "ok, I'll just go down the street then". So as she walks away, I warned her that if she carried this through she was crossing a line from which there would be serious consequences.
Basically if she did not or could not abide by the simple rules of the house, she had better find some place else which would allow it...So she carried on walking.

Driven by my impotent rage, I locked all the doors, and left her to it. She knocked an hour later asking for some shoes, as she had gone for a fag in her slippers. I refused, reminding her that she had made her bed, and now she must lie in it, uncomfortable as it might be. And then at some point, she went off into the night...

As with most rows with her, big or small, she refuses to accept or contemplate a compromise. It's her way or nothing, whereas as we go out of our way to accommodate some of her demands, if only to keep the peace. And she does not know when to keep her mouth shut, and turns discussion into pointless, prolonged & heated arguments - if only she would hold her tongue, it would save her so much trouble. Mind you, her mother is just as bad in this respect, so I just leave them to it now, as I can't stand it any more.

So, am I being pig-headed in doing this? Irresponsible? Vindictive? Childish?? Part of me would be glad to get shot of her, but at her age, we still have 'parental responsibility' and even if she stays away, the practical/legal ramifications loom all too large. Even if she does come back once her friends (or friends parents) kick her out, she will not show one iota of remorse ? the word 'sorry' has always stuck in her throat since she was little.

And no, I've no idea where she is. We have been in touch very briefly after sending her delicately worded texts - as I'm not going to beg her to come back.

The sad thing is, what was promising to be a sunny, carefree bank holiday weekend is now anything but...