oh wise and clever mumsnetters - advise me on what to do about dd1's birthday next week (not what you think...)

[WeeTimorousSquonkie]

So, I posted last week about her stealing from a friend of mine when she had been babysitting.

Friend has rung me today and asked me if dd1 has taken some other stuff that she can't find (some expensive foundation and a ring)

Dd1 denies any knowledge but I don't have any reason to believe her, she is still denying taking the stuff that I found, and I found it!

I have told my friend that I will give her the money to replace the lost items which I think is fair (well, not on me, but on her... ykwim)

Now, it's dd1's birthday next week and the money that I was going to spend on her birthday is now going to my mate instead.

Not buying her a birthday present seems wrong, but also buying her a birthday present at the moment seems wrong (plus I don't know where I would get the money from - things are tight)

What should I do?

[brimfull]

I don't think you should buy her a present unless she comes up with the goods.

Have you sought any help for her stealing problem?

[brimfull]

Are you pretty sure your dd stole this latest lot?

[WeeTimorousSquonkie]

yes, I am in the process of sorting that out (well, ykwim) the stealing was discovered last week, it's just the new stuff that I found out about today (taken at the same time, but only discovered today)

So you think not getting her a birthday present is the way to go?

[Pennies]

Hmmmm. Tricky one. I'd buy her a nominal present and explain what she would have got if you hadn't had to pay out for the goods she stole.

[WeeTimorousSquonkie]

ah. Am I sure? No, I'm not sure but it does seem likely and, tbh, if three things have gone missing at the same time and we know she stole one of them, and the other two things are things that she is likely to have taken, I am minded to believe that she did take them.

Dp has told her that once you have been discovered as a thief, then any time anything else goes missing, you will be the obvious suspect, which I think is fair enough tbh.

[brimfull]

Yes as long as it is explained to her that the reason is becasue you have to reimburse your friend.

If she then came clean I may reconsider.

[brimfull]

Yes as long as it is explained to her that the reason is becasue you have to reimburse your friend.

If she then came clean I may reconsider.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[WeeTimorousSquonkie]

bloss - that's a nice idea.

[brimfull]

yes bloss' idea is fab

[mumeeee]

I also think blosses idea is good.

[sheena1]

I wouyldn't buy her a present but give her something that you have u have in the house clean and wrap it up and explain the reason why u didn't buy her apresent n maybe she will come to her sences my aunt did this with my cousin and it worked

[Uriel]

A meal out sounds nice.

Is your dd the only babysitter your friend uses? Because if not, I'd be wary of blaming her for everything that's gone missing (or your friend's misplaced).

[WeeTimorousSquonkie]

Yes, dd1 is the only babysitter.

We have had a heart to heart and she has admitted taking two of the three things, she has also admitted taking something else that my friend hasn't noticed missing yet and she has returned a few things of mine that she has taken.

She has had an appointment with the school counsellor that she made last week without telling me (quite pleased about that, it showed that she is aware she has gone waaaaaay ott and is dealing with it herself) and has another appointment next week.

The ironic thing, is that the initial thing that my friend noticed was missing is the only thing that dd1 is saying she didn't take...

Thanks for all the advice on this one, I haven't been able to get my head round it with everything else that's going on at the moment so it has really helped getting an outside perspective.

I think we'll be okay...