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motivating ds (12) at school

10 replies

StayingZen · 18/03/2008 12:18

DS won't admit to being interested in anything but the computer and Nintendo, and dashes off his homework carelessly and at top speed. DH is talking about paying him to put in more effort (which would probably be an excellent motivator, as ds is certainly interested in money too!) But has anyone any ideas about how we can measure effort?

DH's idea is to pay ds for every "1" for effort in his termly school report, but it seems to me a lot of that is beyond DS's control, even if he was willing to try - he has to do enough to be noticed at all, plus enough to go up a grade, in every subject if he's going to make any money. I wouldn't know myself exactly how to do that without wasting a lot of effort, and is "going up a grade" really much of a target? It's just telling him to "try harder" without giving him any guidance how to do it.

So what can we ask him to do? Spend a certain amount of time on something, produce a certain length of essay, learn so many French verbs, or what? Any teachers out there who can help? Thanks

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gagarin · 18/03/2008 17:39

My advice would be don't risk making home as awful as school by giving him targets - it'll backfire on you somehow and then you'll be even more unhappy - and so will he poor boy.

Surely it's his teacher's job to assess his homework - if doing it quickly and carelessly is enough why nag him to do more at this stage? It's natural for boys (and girls) to cut corners. Be interested and encouraging and don't let him get away with not doing the homework at all but prob best to save your bribes/carrots until years 10 & 11 when you'll really need them!?

I wonder if he didn't have time for his homework for a reason you felt was more acceptable (- like sport?) you'd be a little less worried?

Good luck!

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AMAZINWOMAN · 18/03/2008 18:20

Are the teachers worried about him?

Not many 12 year olds want to do homework!

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MaureenMLove · 18/03/2008 18:26

Are his grades at school poor then? DD shows no interest in school what-so-ever. Tells me its pointless learning French, because she won't need it (clearly she's aiming to work in Asda! ) She is also 12 and rushes homework to get on MSN and generally can't be arsed. However, her grades and reports so far are wonderful!

How about setting targets for each of the 3 school terms? Like you say, his effort might not live up to the effort mark and that could just make things worse.

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hercules1 · 18/03/2008 18:28

I have a 12 year old ds and am a teacher. I really wouldnt go down the route of rewarding him like that.

DS has a pc in his room (doesnt have game consoles etc) and can only play games if his homework has been done and done with care etc. We go through his diary with him and spend time helping him and talking about what he is doing. Loads of praise when he does well and we look at how his work has been marked together. His teachers tend to give info on how it will be marked so this helps when doing it.

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bravesmile · 18/03/2008 23:41

Don't really think giving money for school work is the way to go. He's not doing it for you, and ultimately he will need to be able to motivate himself. Also if you do give him targets I'd say you would be giving him plenty of scope for legalistic arguments over the 'small print' (..or is that just my dd?) Perhaps some positive reinforcement/reward when he does try that bit harder? Though from what you say it might be difficult catching him at it. Is there any subject he's good at or interested in? Good luck.

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mumeeee · 19/03/2008 09:51

We have always said to our three daugters that as long as they try thier best then we would be happy.DD3 16 is dyspraxic and I ill be pleased if she got D'd in her GCSE's as she will have to try hard to get there. DD2 18 is tewaking her Maths Gcse for the third time this year,she finds this subject hard she did start missing lesons but we have now said to her as long as she goes to everylesson and trys we won't mind what grade she comes out with.

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mellyonion · 19/03/2008 09:58

might it work allowing him some gaming time in before settling down to homework?

if hes been in school all day, then maybe he needs a release and a bit of space to chill out before cracking on with more work?

how about designating a set time for doing homework, or at least having no pc or game time for say an hour (or however long homework is likely to take?)...maybe he'd not be in quite such a rush to finish his work if he is not allowed to do what he wants as soon as hes finished?

i do agree that positive effort on his part should be rewarded.....maybe you could start small...reward his well written evening homework with a treat of his choice (bar of choccie....£1 towards a new game, night at youth club or whatever) and then a treat also for getting and maintaining good grades.

hth.
x

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StayingZen · 19/03/2008 12:09

Thanks for all the advice. DS is at a highly academic, selective school, and academic success is very important to DH and me. DS is bright, especially at maths, but clearly doesn?t have much interest in or see the point of much of what he has to do at school. I am keen for him to do well, but I?m also sad that he doesn?t seem to get any fulfilment or enjoyment out of school, as DH and I and our two older daughters did and do.

I?m very doubtful myself about financial rewards. I?m really looking for ideas so I have something else to suggest in case DH insists on some incentive scheme ? damage limitation, really. I?ve contacted DS?s form teacher, who is asking around the other staff and getting back to me tomorrow ? bless her, she?s probably cursing me. Thanks again for the support and ideas.

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mumeeee · 19/03/2008 12:40

Remember he is not you, your DH or his sisters. He is himself and neds to be treated as that. Just support him in what he is interested in. I know DD2 18 always got very frustrated when people compared her to her elder sister. We told her that evertyone is diferent and everybody has thier own strenghs and weakneses. Her weakness is Maths and science but she is good at English and is doing very well on her preforming Arts course. She is a fantastic singer and jhas a brilleent voice.
My point is academic suces is good but so is sucess in a lot of other things.
He might feel you are pushing him to hard.
My girls always have a break when they come in from scholl and college.
It is hard to motivate your self to do homework when you have had a busy day.

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mellyonion · 19/03/2008 16:18

have you actually spoken to your son about your concerns? i don't mean a one way nag, but actually said...me and dad are worried. how do you feel about it? what can me and dad do to support your learning? what makes you tick? what would you love to do as a reward if you do manage to make a huge effort???

i'm sorry if you've already done this, but sometimes what we think our kids want and what they actually do want are completely different....

if his school work is boring to him, then maybe school would be willing to help out in that way......
hth for you.....

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