AS results

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Help. DD is in Y12: she is reasonably bright but lazy and unmotivated. She has just got the result of her January AS modules. Her ALIS tests predicted A grades but she got Bs and Cs. We had a long list of Universities that she was thinking of applying to but she will only be eligible for 2 of them if she carries on at this rate.

What do I say to her?

[mumeeee]

To get Bs and Cs is not lazy. They are good results and you should be encoraging her. She can up her grades when she does her A2s next year. A lot of universities go on points now and you count up all the points you have had for both yoiur As's and A2;s,

[Lilymaid]

She can retake several times before the final results. DS1 took one physics module 3 times and went from 80% (just an A) to 100%. She should be encouraged to get as many marks as possible "banked" from her AS as A2 will be more difficult.

[mumblechum]

Mummee, to be fair I don't think that IADIY is saying that Bs and Cs are lazy, but that her daughter hasn't performed as welll as she's capable of.

If she gets Bs and Cs in the final exams, her options will be severely restricted. Most good universities are looking for straight As or AAB.

IADIY, I think you first need to speak to her learning mentor or head of year to find out exactly what went wrong, and strategies to bring the grades up to scratch.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Thanks MC. As you say, the trouble is not the Grade but the fact that it is less than she is capable of. I could stand over her with a whip (or get the learning mentor to do it) but that isn?t the point is it? We adults could probably get her good grades at sixth form but it will just delay the inevitable bombing until she gets to Uni, where she will have little support and will crash&burn in spectacular and expensive style.
How do I get her to self-motivate?

[TheFallenMadonna]

What's her reaction to the grades? That's the key thing here I think.

[mumblechum]

I wish I knew how to get them to self motivate! My ds's teachers all say he's very capable, and the MIDYIS tests he did last year had him on line to get all As at GCSE, but the grades he's getting now are disappointing.

He sees lessons as an interruption to his social life, and until recently just did the minimum he could get away with.

He is trying more now after a bollocking at the parents evening, as he realises he's at an exceptionally good school (top 50 in the country), and that he's been given an opportunity denied to many. He also wants to earn serious money (poss. airline pilot) and that's always a good motivation for him!

What does your dd enjoy? What do you think she might like to do when she leaves Uni? If she's money motivated, talk to her about the sort of jobs where she can earn good money, what sort of degree she'd need, and therefore what A level grades she'd have to get to get her on that course.

At that age, it's hard to imagine so far into the future, but it may help.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Having been there, I'm afraid I'd side with Mumeee.........

All you can do is make it clear to her that she needs to keep her grades up. Once she gets to Uni, yes, she'll have to deal with it herself, but chances are, she will.

I have 12GCSES, above C.. 5 A Levels and 3 degrees (One undergrad, two postgrads).

The FIRST thing my mother said to me when I got the results of my BSc (I got a 2:1) was: If you'd worked harder, you could have got a first.

Well, YES......... I could have..... but I had a great time going out, making friends, meeting people (and these are also important elements of Uni life!)

While I appreciate that tertiary education is important, and seems to becoming moreso, there IS more to life.

As I said, I have more qualifications than you can shake a stick at, and I still struggle to get anyone to pay me more than £40K........

The only things I could really suggest is to try different types of learning - interactive, placement etc., and also look at the subjects she's doing - are there certain subjects she really excels at?

Just remember, she's 17.. I don't think any of us was totally motivated at that age!

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Her reaction is the usual. There will be people in the class who get a really good A and there will be people who get a U. She always compares herself to the U.
I haven?t spoken to her in great depth yet. I?m proud of myself that I managed to not explode when she told me the results. DH and I need to talk to her tomorrow night and we need a strategy.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Does she have a clear / reasonably clear idea of what she wants to do?

Is she keen / motivated to go to University? Does she have a few listed (You mentioned she might be able to apply to all those she'd selected?)

Can you arrange for her to go to the Universities? THis is one thing that REALLY motivated me to want to go (hence, work to ensure my A level grades were up to scratch!)

Also, if she has a career in mind, maybe try to sort out some work experience..... For instance, my sis is a dentist and worked for a local practice to see what was involved and why the educational side of things was so important?

Alternatively, you could use the tactics my dad used:

1. OK, getting Bs and Cs is OK, but always make sure you have an extra 10% in the bag, just in case - Most Unis (or at least the good ones) have a policy where a D is pretty much a fail....

1. Never compare yourself to anyone else. Do what you want to do. You will never be the best / worst You'll never be the richest or the poorest. The quest is to be happy with what you've got!

[iamdisappointedinyou]

MC, I hear lots of stories like that ? my clever kid was underperforming, doing minimum necessary but suddenly woke up one day and realised that they needed to work to get the grades. How do we get there?

She wants to be a teacher so she knows that she needs a degree for that. There isn?t a plan B at the moment. She isn?t motivated by money.

?All you can do is make it clear to her that she needs to keep her grades up. Once she gets to Uni, yes, she'll have to deal with it herself, but chances are, she will.?

I really hope that you are right but right now I don?t know if it will come good. If she goes to Uni, she will definitely have to deal with it herself. I?ve told her that I am not paying for anything. She has to finance it herself.
She has had the Uni experience in that she has been to a couple of summer schools so that doesn?t seem to have worked in the motivation stakes.
When we were going through the list of Uni she discarded all those that wanted points, she only looked at those wanting grades. She knows what she needs to get but doesn?t seem to be able to get herself motivated enough to get them.

[Youcannotbeserious]

I ended up resitting most of my first year exams.... it was the first time I didn't have someone sitting on my shoulder telling me to do this, do that....

But I worked for the summer and made good grades on my retakes. I didn't want to leave uni. That was my motivation.

Actually, I also never worked for mock exams. I actually got 17% in my mock Maths GCSE. I just couldn't be bothered (I got a B in the actual exam and have Maths A level too)

How happy is your DD in school? Is she able to 'swot' for exams?

[chopchopbusybusy]

It's good that you have remained calm so far. If you and DH are going to talk to her about it make sure you are both united in your thoughts and discuss it very calmly with her. Maybe take her out for dinner and talk about it. Less likliehood of door slamming doors and major sulks .

Emphasise that she has the capability to get into the university of her choice - but if her grades slip she will have to take whichever will accept her. If she's looked at prospectuses she knows this.

It's entirely possible that she now realises that she will have to work a bit harder. Sometimes when children are used to achieving good exam results they just relax and take it for granted, but when they get to A level standard it can be a bit of a shock to realise that some effort is required.

Then, finally tell her you will support her with the decisions that she makes.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

"support her in her decisions"

Ha! This assumes that she makes decisions. We only looked at Uni admissions because the school had a careers thing coming up and I went through it with her. I have suggested that she investigates Open Days because they get booked up quickly but she hasn't done it.
I keep telling her that if she wants help then she only has to ask but I am fed up with running her life for her because she hasn't got the get-up-and-go to do it herself.
She does nothing at home: she does no schoolwork and doesn't help with the housework. She just watches repeats of scrubs / hollyoaks / friends or chats with her mates on the computer.

[chopchopbusybusy]

Well, she is making decisions not to do any extra work etc. All you can really do is make encouraging noises - you can't do it for her.

You say she's not motivated by money. Be honest with her. If she doesn't study and has to take a job paying minimum wage she won't be able to afford a lifestyle including computers and satellite TV.

You don't have to like the decisions she makes and as long as she knows the consequences of not working hard at school you've done what you can.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Then take her TV / PC off her, or limit it to certain times of the day.

OK, maybe that's a bit harsh, but seriously - that is still a decision. To do nothing IS a decision.

PLEASE don't take this the wrong way if I am way off the mark here, but could one reason she doesn't have the get up and go is BECAUSE she's used to you doing everything for her?

I ask this because my mother is quite controlling and always decided everything for me (I am only beginning to deal with this now, and I'm 35YO and expecting my own baby). I wasn't allowed to make decisions (My mother would, of course, disagree with me here and tell you that she's encouraged me 'every step of the way') but I'm afraid to say, she made me and my sister almost incapable of making a decision we knew she'd disagree with. I was constantly told to 'grow up' if I decided on a course of action my mother didn't agree with.

All I'm saying is that your DD is making OK grades. She's not flunking courses. I'd do as the previous poster said: Take her for dinner, tell her you support her but that she's got to do this for herself and if she's not happy with the end result (she doesn't get the uni she wants etc) then she's going to have to live with that.

As I say, I'm not trying to be argumentative, or harsh, just that if your DD wants to be a teacher (I mean, really wants to be a teacher) then she'll do it.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

"PLEASE don't take this the wrong way if I am way off the mark here, but could one reason she doesn't have the get up and go is BECAUSE she's used to you doing everything for her?"

No offence taken because I had come to similar conclusions myself. I have been deliberately standing back in Y12 and letting her do her own thing (or, rather, not do! ). I suppose I need to stand firm and continue the experiment. The trouble is that if she carries on like this then no decent Uni will look twice at her when she comes to do her UCAS in September. She desn't have long to turn this around.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

I suppose we all bring our own bagagge. What upsets me is that I got no support from my parents so I decided to give my kids all the love and encouragement that I never had. She just take it all and unthinkingly squanders it.

Her DB is a totally different person - I never have to nag him about homework etc. He just gets on with it.

[Youcannotbeserious]

But, seriously, she's going to get into Uni with Bs and Cs, isn't she?

it's a while since I went to Uni, and I know things have changed a lot - there's a lot more competition now and a lot more 'universities' to be avoided!!!

Plus, I did chemistry so there was exactly a huge number of people desperate to get onto those courses!! But, surely if she makes solid Bs and Cs then she'll have some options?

do you think she really wants to be a teacher? I mean, she doesn't exactly sound passionate about it....... is it worth her considering a year out - voluntary work, travelling or something? or vocational training. Just an idea!
is she happy where she is studying? i don't suppose there is much scope to move her before the exams now, but maybe there are little things. Could she spend more time in a different learning environment?

I'd still think about limiting time on the TV / PC - I used to pretend to study and nip upstairs to watch 'the upper hand' (Do you remember that!?)

[iamdisappointedinyou]

I don?t think that change of school is a good idea: she only changed this year! She is not very keen on it despite it being one of the very best in the area and mutters about it all the time. I steered her in the direction of this school (she happily co-operated at the time) and have learnt my lesson. No way will I get involved in picking her Uni; the choice will be her responsibility.
I think that the idea of her being a teacher is laughable although I have never said that to her face. There is so much planning, preparation, diligence and out-of-hours work involved in teaching. It is precisely because she is not doing these things at the moment that she is not getting the grades.
She is intending to do a gap year to raise finances. She doesn?t have her own TV or computer, they are general house ones.

What was the upper hand?

[Youcannotbeserious]

The Upper hand was a dodgy sitcom on TV - about a successful business woman who employs a male nanny.... Probably make me cringe now!!

I agree that the school change is probably not a good idea. I only asked because I absolutely hated school - I wasn't bullied or anything, had some friends etc., I just didn't really feel I fitted in. I can't say thats why I wasn't motivated, but once I got to University and felt much freer, I did pull my finger out. I went to quite a strict school - had a great academic record it just wasn't for me.

I would suggest some vocational training - what sort of age children would she be looking to teach? She could consider tutoring herself..... This would give her some extra money, a taste of the preparation teaching requires, some good experience of working with kids and also mean that she was looking at books rather than the TV!!!

I do think, though, the best thing you can do is simply encourage her but leave it at that. The fact that you are letting her make up her own mind what she wants to do and how she goes about that is really good....

My mum forcibly removed me from my first University after I graduated so I could start my postgraduate course. I did eventually settle into my MSc but lost touch with most of my friends from my undergraduate days because I wasn't allowed to go there and also because, the ones that had witnessed my mother in full effect thought that we must be nutters!!!

[mumeeee]

I've just remembered that when DD3 did her AS's she did not get very good grades in the Janusry modules but she retook them and upped her grades.
When she took her A2's she gor twp A's and a C. She had had a conditional offer of AAB at Cardiff university ( whish is a good one )she sill got in because they also looked at points and her AS grades counted towards this.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Well, we finally had the talk tonight (she?s been too busy with DoE etc up until now). She got very defensive, like I knew she would. I hope that some of our message got through despite that. Part of the problem was the classic underestimation of the step-up from GCSE to A Level.
She is upset about the results so that is a good thing, it shows that she does care. We just need to persuade her to worry about the results before the exam (when she can do something about it) instead of after (when it?s too late).