13 yr old neice buying cannabis - what can I do/say?

[mcnoodle]

My 13 yr old neice has been "caught" buying cannabis by her mum. She is a lovely but complex girl, who was adopted after being born addicted to heroin. We get on well - she perceives me as being 'cool' - and she has talked to me in euphemisms about boys/smoking/cannabis quite recently. I debated whether to tell her parents, but felt that it was more talk than action, and that I should keep her confidence unless I was really concerned. Obviously I have now been proved wrong. More worryingly, she has developed a bit of a fixation with Pete Docherty, and is drawing syringes on her exercise books. She knows about her parents (both users) and has started saying things like "My parents were addicts so it's part of who I am". I'm sure she's not trying anything stronger than weed, but I think she sees drug-taking in general as romantic and 'cool'.

Her mum and I aren't exactly bosom buddies. I find her very dogmatic and quite aggressive. I'm sure she thinks I'm an over-protective, middle class hippy, but that aside, she has asked me to talk to her dd. I used to work with homeless teenagers so in theory I should know what I'm doing, but it was a long time ago, they were older, and it is difficult to be objective with a young girl who you really care about. My plan is:

Give niece information about cannabis, particularly in relation to mental health/strength.

Try and get her to open up about what she does/doesn't want to be involved with, peer group stuff

Talk to her gently about my experiences of working with heroin addicts

Give her the Talk to Frank address

Give her mum the mumsnet address to she can get some support

Would you be horrified if someone talked to your 13 yr olds about all of this? What would you want them to say?

I used drugs recreationally for years before I dc so I will not go down the 'Just Say No' route. I know it has limited impact.

[witchandchips]

could she be trying to forge an indentity that links her with her birth parents? Is there anything more constructive that she could do that would have the same affect. I don't know if her birth mum was into a certain type of music or art or something, then you could encourage her down that route.

[Blandmum]

There is evidence to show that the earlier a person is when they start to use cannabis the more likely they are to have psychiatric side effects following use.

They are also probably less able to guage and control the amount and strenth of drug that they use than older teens/ people in their twenties. At 13 she is very unlikey to have made a truly informed choice in this.

I think having an honest discussion with this girl about the relative risks that she is taking would be very helpful.

I would hope that my kids would come to me for help and advice. If they couldn't do that I would rather them get factual information from somewhere else.

[mcnoodle]

I think that is definately part of it. All teenagers are trying to establish their identity and I guess that process is all the more difficult if you are adopted. She is very bright and doing well at school. She is quite creative and loves music - we talk alot about bands. I think maybe I need to make more time for her and go to some gigs together, encourage her to start learning an instrument.

Having said that, I think she still needs some concrete information about drugs. I ge the impression she is very naive and moving in a group of peers who are more 'sophisticated' than she is.

[mcnoodle]

I want her to have the facts and to leave the conversation feeling that she can come to me for support in future. I would be happy to take her to see a professional drugs worker, to talk things through, if her parents are ok with that.

Her mental health is my biggest concern. She has self=harmed in the not too distant past. Thanks for those facts MB - I want to be armed with information that I can back up.

Gotta go do nursery run - BRB

[theUrbanDryAdventCalendar]

sorry - just seen this thread on active convos and i have to say that i think the Talk to Frank stuff is really unhelpful, it seems to be just the Say No campaign with prettier colours the rest of your plan sounds great though, your neice is lucky to have such a supportive auntie!!