how do I stop myself worrying

[susue]

My DS1 is 18 in 2 weeks and tonight he's gone out to town with his mates and I worry the whole time he's out. Last week his mates went to the same town and the 4 of them were set upon by 15 lads. Thankfully non of them actually ended up in hospital but it's so frightening, all this worrying will be the death of me. Does anyone have any tips on how I can settle my mind. Obviously he knows not to leave the pubs on his own, stay with his mates, don't drink too much etc but last week his mates were attacked for no reason. Poor lad, I keep texting him to say ' are you ok? tb ta' I just can't settle until he's back home, thanks

[cadelaide]

hi susue, i take it he's home and safe?

[RustyBear]

I haven't found out how to stop worrying yet & DS will be 20 just after Christmas. I manage not to worry while he's at University, but when he's at home he goes to see his friends & often ends up walking home at anytime between 11.30, when the last train goes & 4am. He's usually fairly good at texting me to say whether he'll be home or not, but I just have to accept that it's up to him & hope he's OK.

DD is the same age as your DS (18 in Feb) & I worry about her too, though she's obviously not so independent as DS, & is happier to accept being taxied around by me. (Though she did ask me last night how I would feel if she bought a car one of her mates is selling for £100 so she could drive herself around......)

[Wisteria]

It's horrid isn't it? and nothing prepares you for the lack of control you have as they get older. I suppose you just have to trust him to use all the tools you have no doubt armed him with over the years to recognise danger and get the hell out of it....the fight or flight syndrome.

My dd is just 14 and only now beginning to go to people's houses where I am not sure what they're doing and it is terrifying. I think she is sensible etc but you just never know.

My MIL said something very profound to me the other day which I shall share 'you only borrow your children from the day you give birth to the day they reach teenagerdom/ adulthood, then you have to give them back'.

Don't underestimate the bonds of friendship they have with each other though, my dd pointed this out to me the other day when I was having one of my customary rants over her safety - they are always together and would always stick up for each other....

[susue]

An update, he got caught in the crossfire of a fight and was hit on the forehead by a flying glass. The bouncers got him a taxi and he went to hospital and had 5 stitches. It wasn't his fault as such but if he hadn't gone to this town and just stayed in our town it wouldn't have happened. Ofcourse he's 'not going to stop going to this town for a drink/night out' and 'I'm 18 in 2 weeks so you can't stop me'. Big words from a child. His friends are very important to him and I'm glad they are a close unit, they all trooped to the hospital with him, but they are all 17 or 18 and think they are invincible. He's going to have an ugly scar for the rest of his life and for what, I just don't know anymore. Thanks for your replys,

[Wisteria]

God Susue - that's horrid. Hope he'll be ok x