Smelly daughter

[lateylate]

Much as a I love her, dd2's personal hygiene is leaving a lot to be desired.
She's not quite a teenager - 11-and-a-half and a bit of a tomboy.
She's very sporty, and although I know they've all had a personal hygiene talk in school and I keep trying to get her to shower - preferably every day - she'll do all she can not to.
With the result that she sometimes pongs - added to which she'll wear the same clothes for days on end, doesn't wipe her bum properly (I know from the underwear I pick up which needs to be chucked out).
She's outwardly interested in her appearance in the sense she's particular about what she wears - but not to the extent of how she smells!
I took her to one side yesterday and said I was concerned she wasn't looking after herself properly and might make herself ill.
I'm not confident this will change her behaviour though.
Has anyone else encountered this sort of problem and how did you overcome it?

[binkleandflip]

I think the best solution at that age would be to tell her (quite bluntly I'm afraid) that the girls will talk behind her back and the boys will make fun.

I speak from experience I'm afraid because I went through a smelly stage around that age but didnt really think too much about it until I was told it straight by my older sister.

All they care about at that age is peer approval I think so dont think you are being mean if you say something like that because unfortunately it is true and it gave me the jolt I needed to start taking care of my growing body.

p.s. am assuming you already buy her deoderant etc

[lateylate]

Thanks. Yes, she has deodorant, but despite me telling her otherwise, thinks the way to use it is to spray it on unwashed skin. Yuk!

[Hekate]

Tell her she smells and that the other kids will start to notice and make fun of her. Best to put these things as bluntly as possible.

[Budabang]

I would also tell her that if her friends do start to notice then it will be something that they will not forget. So the sooner she sorts herself out the better.

[Desiderata]

lateylate, (and advance apologies if you're a single parent), but if dh/dp is around, it might be an idea to ask him to have a chat with her.

It was my father who sat me down and told me that I had BO when I was about the same age as dd2. I don't think it would have meant the same coming from my mum.

Hope this helps.

[binkleandflip]

perhaps she just needs to get into a routine of showering before school. Quite how you can help her do this I'm not sure - perhaps offer incentive to get her going of trip round Body Shop or similiar to pick smellies that she likes?

[kimi]

Lateylate, My DS1 age 11 + stinks, I can not put it another way he hums.

I was going to post and see if this is normal in pre pubescent boys.

He will have a bath at night and by the next morning is smelly again, he has started to use a deodorant now.

DS1 will have a bath or shower after much prompting, he also does not seem to clean his bottom enough,he will (at the weekends sleep in his clothes and think he is going to go out in them the next day I have to hound him with clean ones, is this just an age thing?

The only way I can describe the pong is he smells like willys

[Budabang]

kimi - sounds like he may be having a bath but not actually washing his important bits!

[cazboldy]

you have to be blunt - if you don't tell her other children will!

[kimi]

budabang I have taken to washing him (don't know who is more embarrassed ) I have also told him DS1 you pong, I have pointed out if I can smell him others can to, in fact my mum commented on in, DH has had a talk with him and so have I but he still pongs. I am worried it might be something more then being a soap dodger, do you think a chat with the GP is over reacting??

[kimi]

Don't know if its relevant but he can't get his foreskin back so he can wash well.

[kimi]

sorry latlylate for the hijack

[MaryAnnSingleton]

that sounds as though it's the problem !

[Budabang]

Sounds like a trip to the GP may be in order! He should be able to get the foreskin back. Will cause pain later if not sorted now.

[Overtiredmum]

How about making her clean her own undies out by hand? It may make her realise if she is more careful in her hygiene, she would have less to wash herself?

[kimi]

I will call the GP tomorrow, I did not know he could not until I was supervising his washing and told him to make sure he had cleaned his bits well, and he said mum I can't, I told him to pull it back and he said mum I cant, I feel really bad now, I should have known before now.

[kimi]

Latlylate, how about taking her to get some really nice smellies from lush or body shop? Get her some really pretty undies that she will want to keep nice? Have a pamper day or something.

See I would be much better at this if DS1 was a girl.

[binkleandflip]

kimi, we must be psychically linked - we both mentioned smellies from the body shop

[kimi]

I love the body shop, and lush, but in lush I always want to lick the stuff

[lateylate]

I spoke to her last night and told her girls would be talking behind her back if she didn't shower enough.
Cue storming off and much door slamming - although she did eventually shower.
She's due to have a routine meeting with the school nurse - dh has suggested giving the nurse a call to talk it through which I will do.
She already has a lot of body shop smellies etc - it's getting her to use them regularly in conjunction with warm water that's the problem!

[poohtwo]

Oh hell - I've got the same problem with DD - 12 and can't be bothered to wash her hair, actually washed it without shampoo on Monday 'cos she couldn't be bothered to look for it. Lied this evening about having cleaned her teeth and refuses to wash her face. I've tried the "you look dirty and the spots will only get worse" routine, but I just got accused of wrecking her self-confidence and off she flounced in floods of tears. I feel awful now...

[goingfriggincrazy]

I have a daughter the same (aged 12 nr 13)so wholeheartedly know how utterly frustrating this is for you..gawd knows when she last brushed her teeth.I refuse to stand over the sink treating her like a 5 yr old...her brother does it at 5, with no issues/shouting matches/lying.Get the I'VE SHOWERED when all shes done is stood in the shower for 5 mins without using soap/showergel/shampoo also like your daughter latey-I HAVE TO THROW (or could burn) her underwear, its soo badly soiled....I really dont understand it and have tried every avenue of talking to her...

If you get somewhere with your daughter please let me know how it came about.I COULD pull my friggin hair at on a daily basis!

[lateylate]

Fingers crossed - something seems to have worked - perhaps the warning that her peers would notice.
Last night she voluntarily took herself off for a shower.
Let's see if it'll last!