need help/advise about my sister

[glaskham]

well its a touchy subject.... i just want some help and advice that i could either put into practise myself or advise my mum and dad....

my sister (17yo) has had a bad string of stealing money off my parents, it started about a year or so ago, and was a couple of £ a week or something, she was at collecge at the time and had a part time job, she has since gone into a modern aprenticship and gets a low but good enough wage for her living, she was living at home until last night when mum and dad kicked her out (will get to that in a mo) and she was paying £20 a week board and didn't have to do much around the house exept tidy up after herself.

she recently (about 6weeks ago) emptied the savings acount mum and dad had saved for 16yrs for her...she took and spent £1500 in a week...on nothing!! then this last week she has taken mum's bank card and taken £360 out of her account (which was a second account for special savings etc until going into ISAs or something, anyway there was no money in it but it had been overdrawn by £360 in a matter of days. she was collected from work yesterday by mu parents who then asked for their money back, she handed over £250 she had left and then they said she needed to leave home tonight....so having nowhere to go she is staying with her ex boyfriend and his family....i am not prepared to have her under my roof as firstly i really dont have the room, my two kids share a room and the spare bed is in their room for when they babysit etc and not for someone to live on, and secondly i dont feel i can trust her!!

she phoned me last night and said she hated herself for what she's done, and that when she does it she doesn't want to but cant stop herself doing it!! she is ill isnt she? if not why does she do it? and if she is where does she go for help? should i tell my parents what she's said? or will they think she's just being calculated and trying to get back into their house? i feel if it were my kids i wouldn't want to see her homeless....and she has been given a night at her ex's last night and another friend said she can sleep on her couch if needed but i'm worried she'll go into a shelter or something with all the youths who are drug takers etc, she is not abusive, has never taken drugs and i know she wouldn't survive.....my mum and i both have some level of depression, very mild i may add, but i feel my sister may have this too- i know she once considered suicide but haven't said anything as she told me afterwards in confidence.....

what do i do???? my mum hates what its come to, as a sister i see she's done wrong and would reccomend her leaving home, but as a mother i wouldn't do it to any of my kids.....

do i tell my parents in the hope they will realise she needs help and they let her home and get her the right help? or just let them feel they are doing right??....i am in tears typing this in worry for my sister, i just want someone to give me some help or advise on whats best to do??

[Budabang]

My first thought is drugs. I know you say she doesn't but what the hell else is she spending the money on?

[glaskham]

erm....food (as in expencive take-away) she payed for lots of food&decs for a halloween party, which everyone just thought was wages at the time but it was actually my mums money!! she spent a lot of the £1500 on expencive clothes she didn't need and 4 pairs of trainers....so sorry to muddle you, she did get something out of the money, but not anything worth showing off after spending so much!!

[Budabang]

Sorry - had to go out and do school run.

Well if is def not drugs and she is just stealing your parent's money to spend on stuff for herself and she doesn't know why she is doing it then I would say she needs some kind of help. Could be a cry for help about something.

[glaskham]

my hubby thinks it could some form of Kleptomania....does that sound right, she doesn't want it but her body and mind make her do it, i have spoken to her just half an hour ago and she said that when she withdrew the money from my parents account she was shaking, she was crying and didn't want to do it, but something inside her wouldn't let her not take it, she said she didn't take the money to buy anything in particular, she said there wasn't a part of her that wanted to spend it but having the money in her pocket made the bad feelings go away.....she said the bad feelings weren't anythignt hat been inflickted onto her, just something inside of her.....

she really has scared and worried me, i said to go to the GP and they would refer her to somewhere for real help....

[Budabang]

She def needs to identify what causes the bad feelings.

Has this all just suddenly stared?

[glaskham]

yeah...as a kid i supposed we all took make-up and toys off each other, so nothing out of the ordinary as a kid, but the last 6mths or so, have spoken to my mum and they are going to give my sister one last chance at home, getting her the right help and support that she needs to get back to normal!!

[Tortington]

she needs to agree a payment plan with your parents at her suggestion to gain back some of the trust.

is she taking birth control - her way out shouldnt be "i got pregant by ex cos you chucked me out"

she should ask doctor for some kind of councelling.

[glaskham]

mum is getting her a docs app for tomorrow, and yes she is on the pill

i think mum and dad are giving her a final chance, and they are going to take her out of work for a few weeks and give her some 'cold turkey' time without money or temptations to money

[Budabang]

It sounds awful for you. I know just how you feel too in a way. My sis got into financial probs last year as a result of manic depression and it was horrible. She didn't steal from anyone (AFAIK!) but falsified a loan approval for 10K that her DH knew nothing about. On top of spending their savings. Came to me looking to borrow 15K Euros!

Thankfully she seems OK now.

[glaskham]

it is very worrying....i think my dad just doesn't see it as an illness though, he thinks she's just stealing it to buy things, but she's admitted to me that a lot of the time she blows it on buying food etc just so she doesn't have the money sat in her pocket making her feel guilty about taking it, spending it on nothing makes it dissapear in a way....hopefully taking her to the docs will prove its not a mailcious and devious thing she's doing and that its an illness that needs to be treated.

[Emprexia]

She def needs to see the Doc, and probably a psychiatrist.
I doubt its kleptomania, it sounds like she's got a shopping addiction to me.

I've had it to some extent, but i never went to far as to steal, i did it via store & credit cards.

You need to get to the bottom of why she's doing it.. does having the money/spending it make her feel better? Does it boost her self esteem?

If she's spending it on food, make sure she's not having some weight issues or an eating disorder going on.