How can i stop my dd stealing from me long and waffly sorry

[elly2]

Hi all dd is 13 and steals anything she can get her hands on it is causing me serious problems all i do is cry and shout (which doesnt do any good i know but i am at my wits end)
I split with her dad 16 months ago and she took it badly (i now have a new partner and things havent been great between us but we are giving it another go)then her dads gf died after an illness. she wants to see more of him but he is now living the single mans life and just doesnt care.I have tried to ask for his help and get told you wanted this deal with it(he hasnt even been in touch to see what happened in court)and yet dd thinks he walks on water and constantly tells me she hates it here and wants to live with him he agrees and then gives her a load of excuses as to why she cant.
We were in court on monday as she failed to show up for her police caution(i got her charged when she stole £50 off me), she is back at the police station on monday to recieve her caution(after her solicitor and support worker from school pleaded her case).
I am now waiting for the forensic team to get back to me after some xmas savings went missing, she lies constantly and steals anything that is not locked away from food to my make up (have just found a load of my stuff in her bag after noticing she had make up on she said"it is my friends" another lie.
I hate living like this so far i have a safe (electronic) i have a yale lock on my bedroom door my older daughter has a lock on her door, my dad used to live with us and there is a lock on that door(again a yale one)I know she is unhappy and with help from her support worker we are trying to help her but i cant go on like this she wont talk to me then screams at me for not asking how her day has been she shows me no respect nor shows any feeling towards her siblings, has anyone got any tactics i could use she has just started getting her pocket money again on the condition she keeps her room tidy i am seriously at a loss as to what else i can do

[milou2]

My 9 yo son has been through a phase of stealing money, threatening me with knives, walking on the edge of the pavement then along the actual road.......

What is helping us, and I can't work out how it has happened, is that we seem to have developed a repertoire of things which he and I enjoy doing....board games, roulette, watchign lots of James Bond, card games with our own rules which change all the time.

That all sounds very wonderful, but he's liable to suddenly get very upset and erratic and scary still. But at least we have some good times.

His relationship with his father is awkward, he wil get upset with me after he's had a good play with his father in teh garden, but then my husband switches off and goes off to do work at 9pmm, it's like a cutoff.

The other thing I have just thought of, the way these connecting activities sort of grew must have been when ever my son was ill or hurt, he'd automatically need me and I'd automatically offer his favourite drink, snack, sit with him in the night with the dvds on. That must have alowed the space for him to see that I did care and I did have another mode apart from 'angry mummy' .

So maybe wait for the next physical crisis and know that she does need you and you can have that trust for a while, even though it comes and goes.

Hope that helps a tiny bit.

[milou2]

Hi Elly2, are you alright tonight?

[elly2]

I am doing ok ty Milou2 (sorry haven't been online for a while). We took dd for her caution last night at the local police station so hopefully a line has been drawn under that, and as yet have not heard about the other theft. Dd doesn't really want to spend time with me tbh she prefers to scream at me then go out with her mates and just get on with her life.I can't get over her bad manners either my bf travelled from yorkshire on sunday night(he got here at 3 in the morning) it cost him a fortune to get here and 6 hrs of travelling all round and she didn't even thank him, i don't know where i have gone wrong with her she just expects all the time and if she isn't given things she just takes them. I am sorry for my ramblings i just dont know where else to go with this.

[Elizabetth]

It sounds like your daughter is having a really hard time what with being rejected by her Dad and coming from a broken home.

Do you ask her how her day has been? Maybe that's the place you can start if that's what she's saying she needs.

Why did she have to thank your boyfriend for travelling from Yorkshire? I'm not really sure I understand that.