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Teenagers

End of tether

6 replies

Bracken48 · 20/08/2014 23:03

Looking for any help/advice on 17 year old DS. Left school Oct 2012 not worked since. Last six months has been going half way across city to hang around with crowd of others who I don't know. He sleeps all day, goes out when or not long after dad and I come home from work at 6pm, comes home at anytime between 4am-6am waking us up to let him in or doesn't come home for days on end with no contact from him. This is every night of the week! I have figured out he is up to no good at night when he is out and have challenged him about this - denies doing anything wrong - even tho I have proof. Police have now been to door for an incident they wouldn't discuss because son is seen as an adult. I am making my self I'll with worry. Not sleeping at night. Crying at work etc - I already suffer from depression. Before this started he was such a loveable funny lad now has attitude from hell. Incidentally his dad and I have been together 26 years ave a daughter and two grandchildren. Do we kick him out or would we be throwing him to the lions?

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Heyho111 · 21/08/2014 00:05

This is so hard to answer. Do you think his problem is fuelled by drugs?
I don't think I would throw my son out but that's hard to say when I'm not in that situation.
Can you write him a letter. If he reads what your saying he can think about your words and not give a gut reply. Say you love him. Your worried about him. Say you scarred he could end up in prison. Say he doesn't seem happy. Ask him where he sees himself in five years. Say you don't chat or laugh together and you miss it.
Leave the letter, don't ask for a reply. If he doesn't reply he has still thought about it and that might make a difference.
I wish you luck as this must be incredibly hard.

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PenisesAreNotPink · 21/08/2014 00:13

He's been out of school since he was 15?

Has no one been round to offer help or anything?

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AlpacaMyBags · 21/08/2014 00:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bracken48 · 21/08/2014 18:17

I don't think it is fuelled by drugs then again not sure about anything anymore. I have already tried the letter - didn't make a difference. Yes left school 2 weeks before 16 birthday has had a few calls from careers advice - not interested. I have no idea how he is funding his activities - but he has been known to walk to the area has been hanging around which is a good 5 miles. He can't seem to grasp that his behaviour is so wrong.

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mags2024 · 29/08/2014 09:41

Just caught up with this - firstly 18yrs is majority in the eyes of the law so he is still a minor.
You have spoken very little about his previous behaviour, interests, activities and overview of school life other than him leaving school early. Sounds like things have not been right for a long time. If things are as you say l would be tempted to talk to police child protection officers and see if you can get more information as to the police interest in your son or if they know who he is hanging out with etc. they may also give you pointers / refer to services which help teenagers to keep out of trouble - mentoring if your husbund or another male /family / friend doesn't have the relationship to talk to him
Sounds like he is impressed and modeling himself on some undesirabe or being pressed into a gang possibly. He sounds very vulnerable, impressionable and rudderless and almost certainly up to no good It is a difficult age when all is going well. l think he is already with "the lions".
l really feel for you as, whilst many reading this will smugly think thank god its not me - it could so easily be. If police is too daunting for you make an appointment to speak to local social services - write a letter with background and what outcome you hope for. Send this before the appointment and take a copy with you. Everyone has a chance to see the problem rather than being hit with an enormous amount of info. verbally. Also don't forget to underline the fact he is a NEAT so the agencies should be interested in him. On the face of what you have said it sounds like he has fallen through a few "safety nets" already.

Good luck for your sons sake - this will take alot of patience, work and support to turn round.
ps it may also be worth talking to NSPCC they have a wealth of knowledge and expertese

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Bracken48 · 02/09/2014 19:01

Mags2024 thanks for advice. Unfortunately eyes of the law is under 17. They won't tell me anything due to data protection act. Very frustrating. I know the names he is hanging around with but don't know them as such but their reputation makes them known. Not sure where to turn. Tonight he has been given the choice tow the line and get a job if you want to live here if not make other arrangements.

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