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Teenagers

Listless 17y/o on the brink of failure but doesn't seem to realise it. How can I help him?

4 replies

thisismyusernamegoodeh · 19/08/2014 22:05

I am writing for some advice regarding a 17 year old who is a relative, but not my son.

Background: he has grown up in a pretty dysfunctional family, with one extremely controlling parent. On top of that an immediate family member of his died quite traumatically when he was 13. He is quite 'young' for his age and really passive I think as a result of having his life organised for him.

He just seems to always have had a problem with energy/drive/motivation. His school reports for eg, whilst nodding to his clear academic potential, are always littered with comments about his laissez faire attitude and sulkiness. Although he can be confident around others (e.g. in his summer job), his teachers often describe him as introverted, and not involved enough in extra curricular activities.

He is at a really good fee paying school but has just had AS Levels results back which were really disappointing (3 grades below what was expected in all but one subject). His predicted grades were high but again, these were tempered by the warnings in his reports.

It has left him pretty shocked. He admits he didn't work enough, but at the time, he was so resentful and irate at being asked to revise any more or questions about his application.

But now, he just doesn't seem to be gearing himself up to fix the problem - eg being proactive about checking resits/mark checking. Or setting himself goals even. Just really passive. Avoiding it all really

I had been holding out that it was just a stage in the development process, a teenage thing.

He is a lovely boy and has been through so much shit and I just don't want to see this downward trend keep spiralling. I have a close relationship with him and some influence over the family so would appreciate advice for what I can do to help turn this around.

Many thanks

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ChillySundays · 20/08/2014 10:42

It is a big jump from GSCEs to A levels and it takes bad results for some kids to realise that they have to work. He can just carry on with A2s presuming the school are happy with this and hope that with a lot of work the second year grades will improve. Would he be prepared to the repeat the year and start again with the right attitude.

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thisismyusernamegoodeh · 20/08/2014 21:28

Hi

Thanks for the response.

Yes, I'm hoping he does become more dedicated, but I just don't see the shock kicking him into action which is what is worrying me.

I guess motivation isn't something that anyone else can instil in him though.

Can't see him being able to repeat the year after the money that has already been spent on his education.

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comedancing · 25/08/2014 09:46

I have found with boys of that age they respond better when the responsibility is put squarely on their shoulders..while someone else does the worrying they won't bother..specially if he has been controlled up til now..so needs to hear..l know you know now what to do ..so go for it and lm here if you need anything...then step right back...when he feels its really his own responsibility hopefully he will get going...so every conversation is all about how he is doing so well and not doubting him but not showing any anxiety just confidence in him

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thisismyusernamegoodeh · 26/08/2014 16:52

Hi comedancing. Thanks for your advice, you are quite right. I just worry that taking the safety net away will result in disaster, but I every parent/guardian has to do it at some point ;)

I'll implement your tactic as suggested and keep my fingers crossed.

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