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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Daughter receiving snapchat pictures of genitals from ex's friends

23 replies

Heyho111 · 15/08/2014 18:14

My daughter has been receiving snapchat pictures from her ex's friends of their genitals. They do it individually but when they are together and drunk. Their ages range from 18 to 26. Some are even married with children. Her ex doesn't do it but is there when it happens and sees no wrong in it.
My daughter has dealt with it well. Ignoring so not to feed it and not going to the area where they live etc.
it's disgusting and a shame as a long good relationship that came to a natural end has turned to this.
My question is this. Where does this come under the law ? Indecent exposure or sexual harassment. This info would be useful to know if it continues and stronger action needs to be taken.
Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:

Report

Littleturkish · 15/08/2014 18:18

How old is your daughter?

Heyho111 · 15/08/2014 18:20

She's 18.

OP posts:

Chopchopbusybusy · 15/08/2014 18:25

I'd suggest either deleting snapchat altogether or just not opening any snapchats from those particular people. They will know they have been left unopened.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2014 18:27

What a bunch of pigs they are.

Has she kept a record of them? Screenshotted them? Snapchat disappears, doesn't it? Can she use another phone to take a photo?

She really needs to take this further. It's so clear they are in the wrong. Has she thought of phoning the police on their non-emergency number?

LineRunner · 15/08/2014 18:27

Seriously I would encourage her to report it to the Police. The nasty group mentality is vile.

AnotherStitchInTime · 15/08/2014 18:27

Just phone 101 and ask their advice, they will know.

FreeSpirit89 · 15/08/2014 18:28

I would phone the police it's a form of sexual harassment.

Well done to your daughter for being mature about it. At her age if have face booked the pics

Fairylea · 15/08/2014 18:32

Definitely tell the police. It is sexual harassment and if she knows who it is that's sending them they will speak to them.

Heyho111 · 15/08/2014 19:09

She is very reluctant to inform the police as she has been friends with them for years. I have to tread carefully as she only just told me and I need to keep her confidence.
I will however take it out of her hands if it happens again.
Their behaviour as a group has always worried me. Rugby boys have fun but they seem to go lower in behaviour than most.
It's such a shame. But that's life I guess.
Thank you.

OP posts:

VanitasVanitatum · 15/08/2014 19:15

As she's 18 I'm not sure I would take it out of her hands.. Not without her support. If you do it without her agreement she might hide worse things from you if they feel vengeful at your reporting.

SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 19:15

Is she still friends with them?

Heyho111 · 15/08/2014 22:13

True. But I will have to talk to her about doing something more if it continues.
The boys are her ex's friends who she got to know through him. They all play rugby together. She hasn't fallen out with them. It's bizarre that they have started doing this. But they do act pretty disgusting when they are together and I think this is an extension of it. Hopefully it will fizzle out.

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 15/08/2014 22:24

Send a group text to them and tell them she's taking screenshots and they will all be posted on Facebook and twitter, including names and places of employment?

notquiteruralbliss · 17/08/2014 12:20

Some of my teenage daughter's male friends seem to think this is a funny thing to do. Seems to be a boy thing. She has found sending back a withering comment combined with a similar picture (from the internet) of someone scarily well endowed to be an effective response. Sort of like the 'call that a knife ...' scene from Crocodile Dundee.

PacificDogwood · 17/08/2014 12:25

It's sexual harassment apart from being stupid, puerile and disgusting.
Are these friendships she is keen to keep??

Yy to informing the police on the non-emergency number.

PenisesAreNotPink · 17/08/2014 12:34

A part of me wants to just think it's puerile and disgusting but another part of me is so enraged at this sexual bullying and intimidation that I want to start a no more cock pictures campaign

Where the fuck have we come to as a society than men think it's ok to send cock pictures to women on dating sites or to piss them off.

Isn't this just modern flashing? And if it is flashing don't we have to worry as women that like with flashing it can escalate to assault and rape if we laugh, ignore or condone it?

PacificDogwood · 17/08/2014 12:38

notquite, that is not a bad way to respond that your DD has found.
I just find it really enraging that she is forced to find a response in the first place.

There are some horrific medical photographs of genital diseases/cancer out there that I might be tempted to deploy if I were ever put in that situation.
Sometimes I am really grateful that I am the old hag I am and that I grew up when this particular problem just did not exist

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/08/2014 12:42

Rugby and booze = behaving like 14yo

I'm guessing you can block or not open snapchat messages, so I'd simply idnore them.

(Having taken a couple of screen shot for evidence, in case they do anything properly unpleasent first)

mathanxiety · 18/08/2014 16:28

Please encourage your DD to inform the police. Take screen shots and note frequency. Has she asked them to stop at any point and have they ignored her request? I think she needs to do this in order for harassment to be proved.

If she hasn't asked them to stop, why hasn't she? If she hopes to retain their friendship, why?
This is them. This is who these neanderthals are. The non-drunk, non sexist pig bit she may believe is reality is actually a thin veneer. Encourage her to cut her losses and find better friends.

YYY to rugby types having a major deficit where decency goes.

mathanxiety · 18/08/2014 16:30

I'm with you, PenisesAreNotPink. I have four DDs and it all gets very maddening. Why should girls and women have to put up with this sort of shit? We don't live in Cairo.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 18/08/2014 22:22

Because the flip side of our local rugby club lads daft behaviour when drunk, was they looked out for all of us when we started drinking at 14, made sure we got home safe. Would never have laid a finger on us and would have killed (probably literally) anyone who'd tried to deal drugs in our small town.

sashh · 21/08/2014 10:41

It's harassment. It may fall under other laws to do with distributing porn.

They probably thing the pics are being deleted - but snapchat doesn't do that and the police can access the 'deleted' pics. Snapchat 'deletes' by changing the file ending to .nomedia so they don't show up in searches.

When she receives one if she shakes the phone it should store it as a normal picture so she has easy to retrieve evidence.

If she doesn't want to report it maybe a group SMS saying:

"All snapchat pictures are stored on my phone" or "Do you know forensic examination allows retrieval of snapchat images?"

LeftHandedMouse · 21/08/2014 12:31

Friend at uni many years ago got flashed at one darkennig evening.

To her credit, in an instant she pointed and shouted

"Ooh, a baby one!"

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