Advice please - 16yo DD sulking like a 10yo!

[TequilaMockinBird]

DD is 16 almost 17. She has wanted a dog since our last dog died 5 years ago. Every christmas and birthday (and every opportunity in between) all she asks for is a dog.

However, DH and I both work full time. DD is going to 6th form in September to study A Levels so will also be out most of the day. We go on holiday at least once a year and quite often go out straight from work for meals etc.

I've explained to her time and time again that our lifestyles just don't suit a dog and that it would be unfair to keep a dog in a cage all day etc. Not only that but the cost of insurance, food, vets bills all adds up and we just can't afford it on top of everything else.

She just doesn't get it though! She is currently in her bed, sobbing her heart out after I went up to ask her why she was in a mood with me (I guessed she was in a mood from the texts I'd been getting at work today!). She now never wants to speak to me ever again because I obviously don't want to see her happy. I'm to leave her alone forever!

Shall I leave her to come to her senses? Go up and try and talk to her again? Or give in and get her a blardy dog!

Please, wise MN'ers, help me!

[TequilaMockinBird]

Forgot to add, it doesn't help matters that her 2 best friends' parents have bought them both puppies for all their hard work studying for GCSE's

[LineRunner]

Do not get a dog.

[LineRunner]

Sorry, that was a bit terse! Please don't get a puppy or dog for those reasons.

You are right. You have neither the time nor available commitment as a family. And DD sobbing just isn't a commitment.

[TequilaMockinBird]

Thanks LineRunner, how on earth do I make her see that though? I've even offered to try and get her a voluntary job at the local kennels so that she can at least play with dogs/walk them/be around them. But no, that's no good.

I hate seeing her upset but I'm not going to back down, I just wish she'd understand

[LineRunner]

Sometimes that is all you can do. Be clear. And don't back down.

Is your DP on board with you?

[reup]

Have you seen that website borrowmydoggy? I have no experience of it but it looks interesting.

[Namechangearoonie123]

Of course you shouldn't get her a dog, in 2 years she will piss off to uni and you will be looking after it for ten years

I would look on it as she wants something to cuddle so get her a cuddly toy, a hot chocolate if it's pmt, and maybe a hamster that only lives 2 years. But I know fuck all about hamsters so before you buy one ask people on the small furry animal section about them.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Ignore her !

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

How would you have treated her when she was 10 and sulking - or when she was 2 and having a tantrum to get her own way (I tend to think sulking is a silent tantrum)?

I would ignore the bad behaviour, treat her normally and don't acknowledge the sulking or mention the dog. No bribing or trying to talk her out of it.

If she raises the idea of a dog again, ask her for a spreadsheet detailing how she is going to fund all the expenses of keeping a dog - including a dog walker to come in every day, so the poor dog isn't home alone all day, insurance, food, vaccinations, flea, worm and tick treatment etc etc.

Hopefully this will bring home to her the fact that a dog is simply not a practical proposition at this point in time.

[TequilaMockinBird]

Yes, DH is on board aswell.

You could be right about the cuddling thing Namechange. Her Dad decided 3 or 4 years ago that he didn't want anything to do with her and hasnt been in contact since, maybe that has something to do with it? I'll try the hot chocolate first though, could well be pmt.

Dont think the borrowmydoggy thing would work reup, she wouldn't want to give it back!

[TequilaMockinBird]

SDTG I like your spreadsheet idea. I'll have to get googling average costs of all those things so I have them ready to give her for her spreadsheet.

I'm ignoring

[Heyho111]

She will only be home for two more years if going to uni. Dogs live for up to 18 years.
Just be firm say no and that when she has her own home she can buy herself one. No is not forever just not for the next couple of years.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

To be honest - if her two friends have just been given pups, you can always make it known to the parents that you are willing to allow your DD to dog sit provided the dogs have been housetrained well. Between two families she'll get plenty of practise.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Sorry to hear that her bio father has been sh8t, it can't have helped that it swiftly followed after her pet dying too.

[Mrsjayy]

Ignore her she sounds so over dramaticlike most 16yr tell her she couldnt look after a dog on her own as you cant do it let her wail and stomp

[Mrsjayy]

There is a programme on tonight about dogs ch4 it has problem dogs in it let her watch it

[cathpip]

Next time it's pissing it down with rain, preferably at 6am, wake her up and boot her out of the house for an hours walk, do that a few times I bet she will change her mind :). Seriously though, don't give in to her....