Teaching money management skills - 15yo

[dizzyizzi]

Looking for some advice/help. I am really keen to teach DS (15) good money management skills. He is very bad with money. As an example, last Xmas we gave him £150 cash as he didn't want anything material, so we thought we'd let him pick what to to spend it on by himself. Within weeks, he had spent it on nothing, I presume snacks, sweets - either way, nothing to show for it.

Because of this, this year we have deliberately decided to not give him "pocket money" as I am certain he will just spend it through the week on rubbish. So instead, we now just give him the money he needs to spend as and when. So if he is going to the pictures we will give him money for the ticket, snacks, bus, etc.

This is very much against my instincts as we would like to be able to give him a set amount each month and let him sort it out for himself, to help him to budget and also value money, and also if he spends it all, tough - which I think is a good life lesson. However, I know that if he does spend it he will just shrug his shoulders and not go out with his friends/GF, and spend all day in the house until next month's "pay day" and I really don't think this is good for him as I want him to socialise!

We usually give him £10-15 every weekend depending on what he is doing and what he needs (sounds alot but by the time you count bus, drink, activity, it is all gone!). So it's not pocket money in the traditional sense, it's only when he actually needs it. Plus we pay for phone top-up £10 per month and we also pay for occasional spends like birthday meals etc - not presents though! He also only gets this money (whatever it is he needs) if he has done his big weekly chore and is only allowed out in the first place if he has done his homework, activities, and his room is reasonably tidy - so he is not getting it for nothing.

So I am torn between giving him pocket money again and living with the consequences of him not going out, which I really don't want to do, OR staying as we are - but I don't think it's good for him to grow up relying on bank of mum and dad!

Opinions and suggestions for alternatives greatly received... x

[adeucalione]

I think you should pay him a monthly allowance, out of which he pays for certain things including his mobile top up, and let him take the consequences if he doesn't budget properly.

It's the only way he'll learn, because at the moment you are effectively budgeting for him by handing cash over when he needs it.

Yes he might have to turn down a few days out with his friends because he has run out of money, but at some point the penny will drop, probably when he misses out on something that's really important to him (or his phone runs out of credit).

[CQ]

I try and make days at home less attractive too.

If they're lounging around I find chores for them to do - walk the dogs, load/unload dishwasher, tidy bedrooms, laundry, wash cars. They're expected to do this for their pocket money which I pay monthly straight into their bank accounts so they are learning to save & budget. Their accounts have a debit card so they can buy things online too (but can't go overdrawn).

I pay for their phones as last year's christmas present, but if they go over the monthly allowance they pay the extra.

I have in the past deducted pocket money if they've not been pulling their weight and it did seem to wake them up.

I also keep no junk food in the house (to stop me eating it) - not even biscuits, so if they want to eat rubbish they have to go and buy it themselves.

Not sure if any of that helps your situation, but that's how it works in our house, mostly without too much strife.

They had a great day at Thorpe Park on Monday and it made them realise how boring a day at home is so they have actively been sorting out things to do now.

Roll on September 3rd

[dizzyizzi]

Thanks adeucalione and CQ, some really good ideas in there. I will give them a try and see how he gets on. Adding the phone top ups to the monthly allowance sounds like a good idea too.

We don't keep junk food either, and that's what worries me slightly as he does like to buy crips and chocolate (he is otherwise a healthy boy though) and I just worry that he will spend all his money on this - but you're right, soon enough the penny will drop.

Thank you x

[titchy]

Maybe to begin with give him money weekly and build up to fortnightly once he's proved he can keep a bit for going out. Or give him half his pocket money and put the other half in a jar for him to use for going out only.

[ChillySundays]

He is 15 and needs to start learning how to manage the money. I have the same problem with my DS spending money on sweets (we don't buy alot of junk food) and microsoft points. My husband was going mad. At the end of the day it is their money and if they want to waste it. My husband doesn't criticize me because I have bought a big chocolate cake for no reason so why should he criticize our son. A few missed chances of going out because he has run out of money will help.
You start with money every two weeks for a while before moving monthly. My DD19 was used to having monthly allowance so now she is working it has helped her learn to budget. If she spends her money there is no money for petrol it is I harder to get to work.
I do pay for mobiles (as long as they are in education) but that means less of an allowance plus DS earns money with a paper round and is a ref.
My DS has a savings account so I encourage him to put money into it so it is harder for him to access. I am the trustees (?) so he can't withdraw the money without me. The cashier told me about 30 yr old adults having to bring mum in to close the account!

[BackforGood]

Wow! So you're giving him £70+ a month, without any responsibility or incentive to manage it himself ?

I was going to suggest the same as titchy - give him a weekly amount then build it up to fortnightly or monthly over time. That way, if he blows it all and misses out on going out, he might learn for the next week.

I genuinely think some people just must have different attitudes to money depending on their personalities as well as their upbringing though - my eldest 2 have been brought up the same, but she likes to save and his just burns a hole in his pocket. However, they've got to experience missing out on things they want to go to/buy for it to sink in sometimes. He's got no incentive if you are putting money in his pocket every time he wants to go out.

[taxi4ballet]

Does he have a savings account? We pay dd £5 a week in cash and £15 a month into a savings passbook account, and her phone is on a basic cheap contract. If she goes to the cinema or out with her friends then we let her have another tenner or so plus ticket money.

When it comes to new clothes I take her shopping three or four times a year and give her a set amount to buy what she likes and let her wander off on her own for a couple of hours.(we still buy school uniform, shoes & basic toiletries etc though). She's got really good at spotting a bargain now, and comes back with bags of stuff!

She does tend to spend the £5 a week on rubbish (we have enough nail varnish to last the cast of TOWIE a lifetime) but she's getting better now she has realised that when the money's gone its gone, and if she really wants something she will work out how many weeks she needs to wait until she can afford it.

[Clobbered]

I think you have to start small, and rather than imposing a plan on him, discuss it with him and get him to take ownership of whatever you decide on. Perhaps put it to him that you want him to learn to take responsibility for his money, and you are going to let him have control of the money that you spend on him, but he needs to earn that control by demonstrating that he can handle the money in a responsible way. Could you write a list of everything that you spend on him and then give him the money to pay for some of the smallest and least important items first? When he has shown you that he can hang on to the money and come up with it when needed on several occasions, say over a month, then you can review and give him a bit more next time. Expect some fails early on, and be prepared to re-negotiate often, but he does need to learn, and it's good that you are going to tackle this now.
We had a disastrous start with DD at around this age - she was a completely incontinent spender. However, she is now managing really well as a student, coping with rent etc, so it can be done!

[mathanxiety]

You are never going to teach him money management by not giving him money to manage.

You are trying to combine two goals encouraging him to have a social life and encouraging him to manage money by means of just one lever, money supply.

Right now he is managing his money according to his priorities. He likes junk food and that is what he spends his money on.

What you are trying to do, with good intentions, is change his priorities (encouraging him to go out with friends and gf). In doing this you are ruining his chance of learning money management skills.

I agree he should get money weekly.

I think there should be no handouts for meals out or cinema visits, etc. If he doesn't have enough to cover entertainment and a social life then you are going to have to sit back and wait for him to get a gf he actually cares about. Or encourage him to have his friends socialise at your home.

I never gave anyone money. The DCs had to get babysitting and other jobs if they wanted cash to spend. Nothing makes you appreciate money and think twice about spending it on rubbish than earning it by way of wiping babies' bottoms and wrangling bratty 5 yos back into bed eight times a night.

And finally, I think you need to get over your scruples about nutrition and accept that although you have done your best to teach him about good food, he wants junk too. I think there is no harm at all in providing a supply of junk he can graze on at home. Healthy teen boys can handle that. And if you want to further the aim of him having his friends over for cheap socialising, you will accomplish this by stocking your pantry with junk. 'If you buy it they will come'.

[bigTillyMint]

He needs to have his own money to manage, a bank account and a regular amount to deal with.

DD has a bank account with a debit card. I pay her monthly allowance into it, she pays in her cheques from coaching, babysitting money and any birthday/Christmas money. She then works out what she will spend on both the card and in cash. She has actually accumulated about £500 in it since this time last year!