Ds stealing food

[Chocoholic36]

I hope I have posted on the correct place sorry if I haven't.

My ds is 12.6 he is big built -5ft 7 and a size 9 shoe already. The problem we have is food. He has always been a fussy eater, we had problems when he was little and he has only just started to grow out of it. All he wants to eat is crap.

We don't have much in the house - a few penguin bars in the snack tin, along with dried raisins and apricots, little bags of nuts etc. the fridge is full of fruit, veg sticks, dips etc. there is always a cake in the tin for lunch boxes.

The problem is that unless it's his favourite meals - pizza, korma, pasta (I make it all myself to try and make it healthier) he just picks at it. He then whinges/tantrums that he is hungry. I offer fruit, veg etc but he wants 6 penguin bars!!

I went in the baking cupboard today to make a chocolate cake for a friend and the 4 bars of chocolate is gone! I only bought them 2 days ago. I checked his room and didn't find anything. Ds3 dropped his book down the side of his bed when he went under his bed to get it he found the wrappers. I know it wasn't ds3 who took them as he has a intolerance to chocolate.

I am so upset that he has done this again - he has done it lots of times now. We grounded him, shouted, talked to him and I don't know what to do. He is at school now so doesn't know I have found the wrappers. Dh and I just had a row as he told me not to mention it to him and there is nothing we can do now and that I should hide the chocolate next time - I am a bit why the hell should I??

So really I was after a bit of advice on what you would do? He has breakfast, snack, lunch, after school snack, dinner, pudding and supper. I try to offer healthy versions as he is putting on a bit of weight but I am struggling so much please help.

[Chocoholic36]

I just wanted to say this is all he is stealing and I know he will completely deny it. Also last time I bought kit kats for a Saturday night treat and he ate all 8 of them in a space of an hour!

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

Hard one, I wouldn't call it stealing though - my dsis was accused of stealing food when she behaved like this. In truth we just never had many treats or meals we actually enjoyed very much and this is what she did. I, on the other hand, would make sneaky trips to the sweet shop behind my parents back. She has a massively unhealthy relationship with food and her weight still now; and I have always struggled with curbing my appetite for sweets and crappy food.

He is obviously looking for more/different food than he currently has. I think at 12 you should sit down and have an honest and open discussion with him about what he does want. See what that throws up and take it from there.

Fwiw I have probably never really given my dc any type of rules about food. They have mostly self selected since being pretty young (within reason if I am cooking) and both have happy and healthy relationships with food. They mostly make good choices. Food and who controls it/how it is controlled is a real problem from my experience.

[escape]

I have a similar issue as you OP, with DD 13 .
I also consider it ' stealing' too as she doesn't ask, ' sneaks' them away & knows she shouldn't do it and then hides evidence.

I have 2 younger boys aged 7 and 8 who always ask for a s much as a small biscuit.

I am not some horrible food withholding woman, quite the opposite, they have been brought up to ask for food between meals, they'll no doubt get it!

The pint also is that I constantly talk to her about the meals she would like me to make. This is frustrating enough, as typical teenage dramas mean she is changes her mind on what she ' hates' on a daily basis.

I am thinking of binding everything away so it's just not there when she opens cupboards & fridges etc, forcing her into conversations about food.

[PeterParkerSays]

Technically, if you have 3 DSs, you can't be absolutely sure that is was the oldest one. I would sit the 3 of them down and read them the riot act about the chocolate going missing because it was to make a cake - unless the person who ate them owns up, you will be deducting pocket money from all of them to buy replacement chocolate. To me, this is not about food, it is about your son taking things that were meant for a specific purpose. He doesn't need to have chocolate, and he certainly didn't need to eat 4 bars. Sorry but that is just being greedy.

Once you've got this out of the way, 12 is old enough to sit down with him and go through recipe books, explain about protein, carbs etc. and to get him to help plan and cook meals. If he's 12 1/2 he can certainly be helping to cook meals.

[stillstandingatthebusstop]

I wouldn't want my teenagers asking for snacks. They need to be developing independence and sorting themselves out with food. I think eating loads of biscuits/chocolate is really normal for a teenager. I can't believe how much mine eat - and are still slim.

I would maybe have a conversation about what it is and isn't ok for your teenager to snack on - but don't be suggesting apples etc - maybe cereal or toast would be acceptable to all.

[Hakluyt]

"it is normal for teenage boys to eat all the treats in the house as soon as they get put in the cupboard they are gone.

i never heard it called stealing before."

I don't think it is "normal" for a teenage boy to eat everyone else's share as well as his own. But I too wouldn't call eating stuff from the cupboards in his own home "stealing"

[RitaConnors]

It's stealing if you take the bars of chocolate out of the baking cupboard that you are going to be using for a cake.

And I wouldn't be thrilled if my dc wouldn't eat the meals I made them then ate six penguins.

He needs to expand his diet so he eats at meals so he isn't hungry. Or have those three meals every night so he isn't hungry.

[OwlCapone]

Technically, if you have 3 DSs, you can't be absolutely sure that is was the oldest one.

Well, she can be sure it' not the one which can't eat chocolate as he would have been ill.

But I too wouldn't call eating stuff from the cupboards in his own home "stealing"

It is stealing when the stuff is not for general snacking and he is leaving nothing for anyone else.

No way would a child of mine be eating 6 penguins after refusing to eat their dinner. And yes, I do have teenage boys. Mine tend to check if it's OK to have something (crap snacks like crisps, cake, biscuits etc) but they know I'm going to insist they have a healthy snack before crisps/biscuit/other stuff and will help themselves to this first. IMO it's good manners for them to check to ensure that I won't be cooking a meal in the next half hour or they aren't using something up that is destined for another time. I rarely say no and never without a good explanation.

[Sherborne]

Our DS (14) regularly inhales the contents of anything nice / sweet / different from the kitchen.
The thing is, he's a skinny as a rake. As was I at that age, and used to do the same thing, as did my younger brother.
It takes a tremendous amount of energy to grow so fast in such a short amount of time. Their body craves carbs.
It's frustrating, especially when you've made nice dinners.
Think back to when he was a toddler, and you carried the odd snack during the day... Just like that, but the odd snack needs to be meal-sized. DS will often come home from school, eat 4 weetabix, and then eat a full meal half an hour later... (even though we say "don't ruin your appetite")
My tip is to keep some healthy-ish snacks in plain sight, in full knowledge that they will be eaten, and keep the nice junk hidden.
Agree with him beforehand that you will keep him topped up between meals, as long as he eats what you're cooking... If he stops doing that, you stop getting extras.

[Chocoholic36]

Thank you for the replys. It's sounds in my first post that I am really controlled about food and I'm not I just wanted you all to know that there is healthier snacks available. I am happy for my boys to eat snacks when they want but have bought them up to ask first.

It definitely wasn't the two youngest children as ds 3 has an intolerance and ds2 just isn't that interested. When all of the kit kata went I punished them all by taking away the 'screens' until someone owned up. Ds1 finally admitted it to me 3 days later when he was bored of having no xbox. I don't want to have to punish the other 2 again when I know it was him. I explained to him last time that if he was hungry he could make himself some food no problem - toast cereal etc. He refuses the cereal I buy - Cheerios, shred dies and Rice Krispies. He wants me to buy krave.

I know some of you have said about the stealing. I think it is stealing as he took it without asking. He knows that I wouldn't have allowed him To have them but he took them anyway.

I just don't know what to do. I have explained healthy eating, gone through recipe books, let him cook, he just wants each meal to be crap. Chocolate cereal, chocolate and crisps for each snack, burgers and pizza for main meals. I am happy for him to have some but surely not for each meal? It worries me that it's going to become even more of an issue that if I don't give in he will just keep taking.

Do I really have to start hiding food in the house?

Sorry for the spellings and grammar I have a bad hand today so I can't type properly.

[Bowlersarm]

The simple answer is not to keep unhealthy food in the house. If he's really hungry then he'll eat the healthier options.

I don't often buy sweets, chocolates, crisps, biscuits so we simply don't have them to snack on.

I don't class it as stealing either, although you have reiterated that you really do. I want my DSes to feel at home in their own home and helping themselves to a snack definitely comes into that category for me. Well, unless I've gone to the trouble of cooking a fantastic meal and it has ruined their appetites - not often!

[secretsquirrels]

When your DC reach teenage you have to approach parenting a little differently than for younger ones.
When mine were small they would always ask before taking a snack but once they reached that teenage boy stage of being unfillable I had to change things.
I make sure they have a good home cooked balanced meal and I never serve something that I know they dislike. Other than that the cupboards are full of filling junk snacks which they hoover up.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Ds eats all the likes Jaffa cakes, but I'd never say he's stolen them. If they are in the house, they are in the house to be eaten. It's the same with chocolate he eats all that too. I don't buy these all the time so it's not a problem. I wish he'd eat more fruit too and he will if I physically put it onto a plate and hand it to him. It take a lot of time to change someone's diet so don't expect him to suddenly like the same meals as you. Start off small and tasty, a honey glazed carrot for example, and get him to taste it. It does take a long time.

[isitsnowingyet]

Chocoholic - maybe he has inherited your namesake on here? I have 2 teenage sons too and have twice found an empty Betty Crocker icing container (with a spoon) - first time in DS1's room - under the bed - the second time DS1 had the audacity to plant the empty container in DS2's room as 'evidence'. Sadly for him I knew immediately that DS2 had not done it. He eventually admitted the truth!!

In short, yes you do have to hide 'special' food ie the chocolate for your cake-making. I remember eating cooking chocolate and my Mum shouting at me, and doing so repeatedly. Yes I was skinny and 5'8'' at age 13.

Usually DS1 does ask about what he can have for a snack, but if it's something he knows the answer will be no, he will sometimes just go for it!

Don't give in to the pleas for chocolate cereal - it's waaay too pricey. May be just when on holiday?

[Bowlersarm]

OP, what about compromising on something like cereal so that he can have krave but that's his treat, and no more treats for the day. Or let him snack on porridge (heathy) with a bit of sugar on (not so healthy) to satisfy his sweet tooth?

[NigellasDealer]

it is not 'stealing' it is eating up the supplies you have bought and is that not what teens do anyway? (departs for lidl with a large bag)

[frasersmummy]

I think its a boy thing.. they will eat what ever they find ..unfortunately .

I remember my brother giving my (now dh) a list of all the places my mum hid the chocolate biscuits ...

he said the only time he didn't find them was when she double bluffed him and put them in the bisc tin

and breathe.. this too shall pass

[outtolunchagain]

Mine also Hoover up Jaffa cakes, but they know that it's only one box a week so when they are gone that's it!

I have three ds , 20,17 and 12 , I don't expect them to ask about snacks any more , although if I am in they usually will.They are all at home at the moment though and it's like feeding the 5000 as fast as I shop it's gone so today there will be a conversation about the fact that I don't have bottomless pockets and I don't want to visit the supermarket every day .

I try to always have bread, rolls , sandwich fillings , crackers and cheese.they know that I only buy 'boring cereals' and there's plenty of fruit .

Taking chocolate and hiding the wrappers especially in brothers room is deceitful and therefore needs a conversation .but I second the comments about having a different attitude to teenage snacking.

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Teenage boys are like newborns - they just eat and sleep. They need the fat in the junk to make them grow.

[Sherborne]

Another thing to consider is that when they get to that age, they're starting to try and be more independent... (even it comes out like "why do you keep bugging me...").

Keep cooking the healthy meals. Don't keep junk (however it's described) in plain sight.

If you don't like the idea of hiding, designate a cupboard (or similar) as out of bounds..., and let him know that he has free reign elsewhere, but not there. Tell him that you're closely monitoring that cupboard, and that he had responsibility for the food staying in there - it's his job to ensure that his siblings don't eat it either... (ie, he will get the blame if any food disappears, wherever he hides the evidence).

[Needingthework]

Is it a boy thing (fills with dread)? Mine are only 12, 9 and 7, and they still ask (well DS2 and 3 do) but when DS1 takes things/eats most of the Kitkats or whatever, I do remind him that others might want some too .

Would him having his own cupboard of crap help? DH said that he had that when growing up and once all the snacks were gone, they were gone for that week.

[Needingthework]

By cupboard, I meant shelf in a cupboard.

[Viviennemary]

I don't think a child taking food should be classed as stealing the same way as taking money would be. But on the other hand it was greedy of him to eat the three chocolate bars. But it does sound like fairly normal behaviour to me. I had a policy of once it's gone it's gone but of course sometimes did buy more. And I agree that what they find they will eat.

[mummytime]

To be honest if he is really hungry then fruit and veg is just not calorific enough. Bread with a choice of toppings is a good store cupboard staple, healthyish breakfast cereals are another good one. Teens often really need the carbs. Protein might be another good alternative but they tend to cost more.

If you are really hungry then you want to eat now and want something quick and filling. I can remember this from when I was breastfeeding. Apples can help, but especially with teens a quick sandwich they can do themselves is a great solution.

I hate twiglets - but do remember times I have scoffed them, because I was hungry. In those circumstances it is hard for him to take too much time to hunt for you to ask first.

I strongly suggest, not having things you don't want eaten in the house. And to have lots of healthier snacks, including some carb rich ones. And try not to get too worked up, there are worse things he could be doing.